I’m in the middle of a breakup. A dear friend that I “crossed the line” with. I know the reasons we are friends. I know the reasons, at least for now, we can’t be friends and I know that it would hurt the ones we love if we tried to be friends. In my heart, we will always be friends. I miss him every day. The portion of our relationship that was wrong was a small part. The worst thing is, I know he could really use a friend right now, and I can not be that friend.
But I miss him terribly. I’ll see him today and know the worst thing I could do is talk to him, and yet as part of my job, I have to. I know that looking at him is just as bad as talking. He knows what we miss. We miss being friends.
[QUOTE=DianaG]
Ugh. Sadly, my friend was so much more insidious than that. She’s the kind of person who, when you tell her something good, tries to convince you that it’s actually NOT good.
Got a promotion? “Well that’s an awful lot more responsibility, I don’t think that raise is enough. You’re getting screwed, really.” Kid made honor role? “Well, it’s not like it’s a really demanding curriculum, is it?” Lost 20 lbs? “Don’t you worry about what that’s gonna do to your neck? Nothing worse than wattle.” Boyfriend sending you on a spa weekend? “Don’t you wonder why he wants you out of town?”
Really, it’s amazing that no one ever throttled her.
[/QUOTE]
Oh, my friend did a version of that (not to make this a competition, because that’s another thing my friend did that I hated); she was constantly trying to convince me that I was in denial about how bad things really were for me. Sure I might think I was happy, but in reality I was just refusing to recognize my troubles.
Sometimes, though, she’d just yell, “It’s not FAIR!!!” and storm out if something good happened to me.
[QUOTE=devilsknew]
Yes, a friend had to break up with me. And I understand and accept it. I’m fucked up and the last thing she needed was me. In moments of our weakness we each bared the unbearable. And it wasn’t good.
I miss her, and hope she and her loves and passions are well. In the endless meaning of well, an eternal and ever giving source and (well)being.
[/QUOTE]
I’m sorry to hear about that, but thanks for sharing the other perspective. I do wonder, though, how many friends on your side of the fence actually accept any culpability once the friendship is over, as you have. I’m not saying it’s your fault, especially since I don’t know the situation (and hey, it takes 2 to tango), but most of the ex-friends in this thread seem too self-absorbed to actually accept some responsibility. Heck, for all I know, some of the people with whom I’ve “lost touch” were actually dumping me, and I’m still blissfully thinking that I’m the most lovable buddy on the planet.
[QUOTE=Auntbeast]
I’m in the middle of a breakup. A dear friend that I “crossed the line” with. I know the reasons we are friends. I know the reasons, at least for now, we can’t be friends and I know that it would hurt the ones we love if we tried to be friends. In my heart, we will always be friends. I miss him every day. The portion of our relationship that was wrong was a small part. The worst thing is, I know he could really use a friend right now, and I can not be that friend.
But I miss him terribly. I’ll see him today and know the worst thing I could do is talk to him, and yet as part of my job, I have to. I know that looking at him is just as bad as talking. He knows what we miss. We miss being friends.
[/QUOTE]
I’ve read your threads about that friend. I know that this must have been a hard decision for you. Hang in there.
[QUOTE=DianaG]
Got a promotion? “Well that’s an awful lot more responsibility, I don’t think that raise is enough. You’re getting screwed, really.” Kid made honor role? “Well, it’s not like it’s a really demanding curriculum, is it?” Lost 20 lbs? “Don’t you worry about what that’s gonna do to your neck? Nothing worse than wattle.” Boyfriend sending you on a spa weekend? “Don’t you wonder why he wants you out of town?”
[/QUOTE]
Whoa, that sounds just like my mother’s first cousin. To her, every trip to the doctor means you’ve either got cancer or a heart condition. And there’s no such thing as routine maintenance for a car – if it’s in the shop, it’s something major that’s going to cost a lot. Oh, and she just can’t believe I don’t have a job lined up yet – even though the project work I had this semester meant I was on campus most days from 9 AM to 11 PM, leaving little time to actually go to a job interview. She seems to think this is quite a tragedy, and that I’ll be living on the street within a month.
[QUOTE=auntie em]
Oh, my friend did a version of that (not to make this a competition, because that’s another thing my friend did that I hated); she was constantly trying to convince me that I was in denial about how bad things really were for me. Sure I might think I was happy, but in reality I was just refusing to recognize my troubles.
Sometimes, though, she’d just yell, “It’s not FAIR!!!” and storm out if something good happened to me.
[/QUOTE]
What a sad woman. Although I would totally cut her out of my life, I still feel sorry for her. Some people can’t see how good life can be.
[QUOTE=DianaG]
Ugh. Sadly, my friend was so much more insidious than that. She’s the kind of person who, when you tell her something good, tries to convince you that it’s actually NOT good.
[/QUOTE]
I’d an [ex] friend like that, her intention was to make sure she was seen as the Alpha of the group. I did an online IQ test and scored 131 - which according to the site was above average. I thought this amusing as I’m considered to be a thicko by my family [who have demonstrated this in front of other people], and I was telling this woman about it. She made damn sure I knew that IQ tests are a piece of crap, and that you can’t trust anything on the internet and 131 isn’t a high score anyway blah blah blah (good 80 seconds worth of bitching) Geez I was only saying that I scored 131 on an online IQ test, not fall to your knees and worship me as your superior :rolleyes: