Ever had to "break up" with a friend?

[Auntbeast]

I’m in the middle of a breakup. A dear friend that I “crossed the line” with. I know the reasons we are friends. I know the reasons, at least for now, we can’t be friends and I know that it would hurt the ones we love if we tried to be friends. In my heart, we will always be friends. I miss him every day. The portion of our relationship that was wrong was a small part. The worst thing is, I know he could really use a friend right now, and I can not be that friend.

But I miss him terribly. I’ll see him today and know the worst thing I could do is talk to him, and yet as part of my job, I have to. I know that looking at him is just as bad as talking. He knows what we miss. We miss being friends.

[auntie_em]

@DianaG

Ugh. Sadly, my friend was so much more insidious than that. She’s the kind of person who, when you tell her something good, tries to convince you that it’s actually NOT good.

Got a promotion? “Well that’s an awful lot more responsibility, I don’t think that raise is enough. You’re getting screwed, really.” Kid made honor role? “Well, it’s not like it’s a really demanding curriculum, is it?” Lost 20 lbs? “Don’t you worry about what that’s gonna do to your neck? Nothing worse than wattle.” Boyfriend sending you on a spa weekend? “Don’t you wonder why he wants you out of town?”

Really, it’s amazing that no one ever throttled her.

Oh, my friend did a version of that (not to make this a competition, because that’s another thing my friend did that I hated); she was constantly trying to convince me that I was in denial about how bad things really were for me. Sure I might think I was happy, but in reality I was just refusing to recognize my troubles.

Sometimes, though, she’d just yell, “It’s not FAIR!!!” and storm out if something good happened to me.

[auntie_em]

@devilsknew

Yes, a friend had to break up with me. And I understand and accept it. I’m fucked up and the last thing she needed was me. In moments of our weakness we each bared the unbearable. And it wasn’t good.

I miss her, and hope she and her loves and passions are well. In the endless meaning of well, an eternal and ever giving source and (well)being.

I’m sorry to hear about that, but thanks for sharing the other perspective. I do wonder, though, how many friends on your side of the fence actually accept any culpability once the friendship is over, as you have. I’m not saying it’s your fault, especially since I don’t know the situation (and hey, it takes 2 to tango), but most of the ex-friends in this thread seem too self-absorbed to actually accept some responsibility. Heck, for all I know, some of the people with whom I’ve “lost touch” were actually dumping me, and I’m still blissfully thinking that I’m the most lovable buddy on the planet.

[auntie_em]

@Auntbeast

I’m in the middle of a breakup. A dear friend that I “crossed the line” with. I know the reasons we are friends. I know the reasons, at least for now, we can’t be friends and I know that it would hurt the ones we love if we tried to be friends. In my heart, we will always be friends. I miss him every day. The portion of our relationship that was wrong was a small part. The worst thing is, I know he could really use a friend right now, and I can not be that friend.

But I miss him terribly. I’ll see him today and know the worst thing I could do is talk to him, and yet as part of my job, I have to. I know that looking at him is just as bad as talking. He knows what we miss. We miss being friends.

I’ve read your threads about that friend. I know that this must have been a hard decision for you. Hang in there.

[WolfpackJeep]

@DianaG

Got a promotion? “Well that’s an awful lot more responsibility, I don’t think that raise is enough. You’re getting screwed, really.” Kid made honor role? “Well, it’s not like it’s a really demanding curriculum, is it?” Lost 20 lbs? “Don’t you worry about what that’s gonna do to your neck? Nothing worse than wattle.” Boyfriend sending you on a spa weekend? “Don’t you wonder why he wants you out of town?”

Whoa, that sounds just like my mother’s first cousin. To her, every trip to the doctor means you’ve either got cancer or a heart condition. And there’s no such thing as routine maintenance for a car – if it’s in the shop, it’s something major that’s going to cost a lot. Oh, and she just can’t believe I don’t have a job lined up yet – even though the project work I had this semester meant I was on campus most days from 9 AM to 11 PM, leaving little time to actually go to a job interview. She seems to think this is quite a tragedy, and that I’ll be living on the street within a month.

[Khadaji]

@auntie em

Oh, my friend did a version of that (not to make this a competition, because that’s another thing my friend did that I hated); she was constantly trying to convince me that I was in denial about how bad things really were for me. Sure I might think I was happy, but in reality I was just refusing to recognize my troubles.

Sometimes, though, she’d just yell, “It’s not FAIR!!!” and storm out if something good happened to me.

What a sad woman. Although I would totally cut her out of my life, I still feel sorry for her. Some people can’t see how good life can be.

[Lobelia_Overhill]

@DianaG

Ugh. Sadly, my friend was so much more insidious than that. She’s the kind of person who, when you tell her something good, tries to convince you that it’s actually NOT good.

I’d an [ex] friend like that, her intention was to make sure she was seen as the Alpha of the group. I did an online IQ test and scored 131 - which according to the site was above average. I thought this amusing as I’m considered to be a thicko by my family [who have demonstrated this in front of other people], and I was telling this woman about it. She made damn sure I knew that IQ tests are a piece of crap, and that you can’t trust anything on the internet and 131 isn’t a high score anyway blah blah blah (good 80 seconds worth of bitching) Geez I was only saying that I scored 131 on an online IQ test, not fall to your knees and worship me as your superior :rolleyes: