Sprite hurts when it comes out your nose. Just thought I would let you know.
I could . . . eventually . . .
Damn you, that song has been stuck in my head for hours. Just got rid of it about 20 minutes ago. In fact, I just opened up a Chicago soundtrack I got for christmas to toss in my car in the morning.
Well, maybe this will help.
Mama… Just killed a man… Put my gun against his head, pulled my trigger, now he’s dead…
sqqqqkkkk (a textual approximation of the sound of a tape fast forwarding)
Bealzebub has a devil set aside for me… For me… For MEEEEEE…
There, that should just about get rid of any other song in your head for a little while.
I am not a soldier, but I killed a man once, in Reno, just to watch him die.
No… I’m pretty sure he lived. Well…umm… I’m *reasonably * sure he lived.
My grandfather probably killed a Nazi or two in his heyday in North Africa.
He would never know he’d have a Jewish grandson (the whole family was Catholic; also, he died before his daughter, my mother, could vote). I would give anything to talk to him about it.
I think perhaps it’s like going on a safari in Africa. You can see pictures, talk to people about it, watch Nova, and go to movies, but until you are actually there and experiencing it, it is all just pale shades of the reality. It can’t convey the reality of it. When you come back home, and try to describe the overwhelming experience to someone who has not been there, words simply fail. And when you discuss it with someone who has been to Africa, you realize although there are similarities, every experience is different Extrapolate that idea out to killing, and you have a couple of extra emotions thrown in. Justified? Not justified? Enjoyed it? Guilt? Duty? Self defense? Accident? And who is your audience? Will they believe you? Will they be horrified? Stunned? Judgemental? Syncophantic? Looking for lurid details?
I have been on the receiving end of conversations with 5 killers. 3 of them were murderers, one was a driving while drunk killer, one was Army. None of them were easy conversations for them or me, and all of the conversations would come out here and there, sometimes randomly, sometimes deliberately, some long winded, some cryptic. All I know is that killing a fellow human being changes you forever, and it is impossible to adequately convey the experience. For the record, the Army guy was the hardest conversation. Maybe because I loved him, maybe because it was hard for him to open up, maybe because it was part of his training, job.
Well written, dahfisheroo, I think this is the closest and best reply the OP (or any of us) will be able to get.
A previous thread (quickly locked) did yield one interesting post.
There is no statute of limitations on murder so why would someone confess here?
I’ve severely injured people, purposefully. I feel fine about it and would do it again. If you are a rapist or beat your wife sometimes quick justice is easier than going to the cops and waiting six months for a response.
This thread should be closed.
whistlepig
that was my first thought too, but I beleive the OP was hoping for responses from soldiers who killed during a war, or perhaps someone who performs lethal injections for the state.
There is, in many countries. And, of course, it could be a crime for which you’ve already served.
Anyway, it doesn’t seem to me like ZebraShaSha wants stories from murderers but from soldiers and other legal killers.
Why?
This thread should under no circumstances be closed. It violates none of the board’s policies, as of yet, and by all accounts people want to discuss the issue.
whistlepig, would you care to elaborate about your experience? You don’t need to be too specific, but a little more detail might satisfy those who are curious.
And that’s the problem. People ask a really serious question, and idiots with joke replies crash the thread into the ground…
Obviously there are a few people here who have killed someone. I haven’t and most of us have not. However, there will be a few who have killed someone in war. An interesting question, but this will be overrun by narcissistic people tyring to make funny replies. Hopefully one or two serious posts will be made among all the noisy chatter.
I remember reading somewhere once a statistic that said that one out of every thousand people that you meet has killed someone. Not knowing the circles that everyone travels in skews this a bit, but I found it to be pretty logical. Think about it like this, if you’re standing at the airport, or on a busy city street corner, one out of every thousand people who pass by you will have killed someone.
Look at the numbers of users on the board and thinking about that stat, there almost surely must have been a Doper who’s killed.
The question that occurs to me is why anyone with that experience would accommodate you by sharing it. You want to know what it’s like? Well, people in hell want ice water, y’know?
I’ve never killed anyone but I’ve had occasion to speak to people who had. My first experience was in a prison setting, where it was still my observation that the one guy who would own up to having taken a life and who would talk about it freely, with no evidence that it was painful to him, had a few things missing – like proper affect, and a conscience. He appeared to me to be classic sociopath. Others might be willing to talk about what they had done, in terms of taking responsibility for their actions – which the parole board wants to see – but it was not something they talked about willingly or easily. I also am aware of instances where law enforcement officers have killed people in the line of duty. (“Aware of” is intentionally vague; for professional reasons I can’t say more than that.)
In every case (except the sociopath), the fact of having taken a life is at best an unpleasant memory of the “I did what I had to do” variety and at worst a continuing burden. I can’t imagine that anyone who understands the enormity of the action would be inclined to discuss it at length for no good reason.
Well I shot Liberty Valance.
It wasn’t Jimmy Stewart or John Wayne.
So now ya know.
Okay, I’ll bite.
No to your first question, yes to your second. It was in the line of duty, I was cleared, it was a “good shoot.”
I felt like shit. Under the same circumstances, I’d do it again.
And that’s all I’m prepared to say.
I have actually gotten some guys, all US Soldiers, to open up about this through various techniques. What it boils down to: From what I gather, there is a kind of pseudo-shame that frequently attaches itself to a combat killing. We are taught since we are young that killing is wrong. We are also taught not to piss our pants, even on accident. Combat forces us to ignore our agreement to not intentionally kill someone, and actually doing it is mentally uncomfortable–like pissing your pants in public and on purpose. During a war, it’s ok because it’s the order of the day. People are ok with each other in nudist camps because everybody present understands the situation–not much different in war: everyone present understands that there is gonna be some killing going on.
Getting a close family member to talk about participating in a large-scale abandonment of normal behavior is not easy and frequently impossible. Especially if the querry is out of context and the speaker suspects the questioner is not likely to understand the frame of mind involved that makes combat different from murder. It’s safer to just not talk about it, or as some people do, hide behind a “do not touch” blood & guts vissage of “Hell yeah, I kilt me some Krauts and I was damn glad to do it!” than to risk charges of hypocrisy. because killing is wrong, except in war which most people just can’t fathom.
Asking someone what it feels like to kill falls in the arena of asking someone what it’s like to voluntarily do something abnormal. The question forces the person to open up a lot more baggage than the questioner realizes even exists.
That said, most folks have told me that at the time they felt nothing at all about the killing, it was just part of a larger, all-absorbing event. Killing was looked at as killing only retrospectively. Like a mundane task in your workday that you may not think too much about while you’re doing it. Discomfort usually came from that sense of “pseudo-guilt” which screamed for the killer to feel badly for what he had done, even though it was done fairly and within the understanding of combat that if you don’t do some killing, it’s very likely going to get done to you.