Yeah in the UAE it’s more a function of Islamic practices which use a toilet-side hose rather than TP. Many places will, to various degrees of predictability and consistency, have TP as well, as a concession to westerners.
I was there working with their military and I was in a toilet stall on a military base with an empty TP rack when I decided to start carrying my own.
I’m surprised I haven’t posted to it since 2011. Why, I’ve shit my pants a ton since then!
@DavidNRockies, great joke. I’m glad nobody’s around much today, because I lost it when I read that. 
Shit happens.
Usually in a toilet.
But, diarrhea can strike anyone at the worst possible times.
I’ve gotten into trouble on the interstate. There’s no time to pull over and find a restroom or some bushes. I’ve always carried TP in the car for urgent pit stops.
Finding a public restroom that isn’t locked can be a challenge. The best places with restrooms are fast food restaurants. I guess that’s because they help create an urgent need for 
.
Man oh man this ‘shit’ is as old as Methuselah.
I’m on a strict, timed to the minute, nearly the same food everyday, diet.
On dialysis days I get Tacos or Sonic. It’s a test of my innards. I mostly win.
Son-of-a-wrek can just drive by ‘Ta’Mollys’ and he has to ‘go, like a big dog’
Once I told him it good thing there’s a nice Shell station and Mickey-Ds next door.
It says it was planned that way.
This thread reminds me of the joke:
Did you know that when you say “poop”, your mouth forms the same shapes your rectum makes when popping?
The same is true of “explosive diarrhea”.
In the past 10 years since I first posted to this so-charming thread, the occasional problem in this area. This started getting nearly constant around the time things shut down in early 2020 - so at least I was always near a bathroom.
But, of course, sometimes the gut just does what the gut wants to do.
Long story short, gastro (who literally knows me inside and out) suggested a trial of a cholesterol medication which has the effect of causing the opposite issue - which has worked beautifully. It’s a balancing act between enough to do the job without going too far… but I no longer dread long driving trips.
I told the gastro that “Farting without Fear” sounds like the perfect title for a very, very strange self-help book.
Today?
Y’all know that gag where the sleeper dreams of eating a giant marshmallow, and when he wakes up his pillow is gone?
Well, last night I dreamed I was farting carefully on a giant chocolate-covered marshmallow, and when I woke up…
Ah, never mind. There’s no pillow in this story.
Yes, food poisoning does that. Only once, thank heaven and even on my way home, knowing I was about to be sick, I thought, I should go to the ER but I didn’t. I made it halfway down the stairs at home. Luckily, the upper GI tract held out until I was seated on the toilet with the wastebasket right there. I got lucky and didn’t die. I now call this episode, the day I ate two bites of chicken salad sandwich and immediately went on a quick weight-loss plan.
I haven’t had a chicken salad sandwich since.
Humm. User name checks out…
I did ship my pants once.
(This ad, which was never actually shown on broadcast TV, as far as I know, was done by my old agency, and written by some friends of mine. 
)
@kenobi_65 That’s a brilliant ad.
Yes, I use the remarkable product, Oops, I crapped my pants. Available only from the SNL Store. I use it, and I just did!
Oops! I Crapped My Pants: Undergarments for the Elderly - Saturday Night Live - YouTube
That ad almost has an SNL quality to it, it reminds me of the “Colonel Angus” sketch.
though at the time you may well have wished you could!
The time I caught a stomach virus in NYC (confirmed to be something contagious, as everyone else in the family came down with it a couple days later), I left my dinner on the train somewhere near Baltimore. Came back to my seat to find someone else had sat in it because I was in the bathroom so long. I was polite enough, as I sat down next to her, but did make her hand me all my stuff that I’d left in the seatback pocket. It just now occurred to me that it’s quite possible she caught it from me - but I’ll never know.
Upon arrival home from the train - in fact, the moment I stood up when the car arrived home (hence the relevance to this thread), my digestive system announced to me that everything I hadn’t left in Baltimore was going on the express train to Florida. Le sigh.