Ever shit your pants?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
161

Oh my God. This only happened to me once, thank goodness.

I was at Walmart with my mom. We ate at the Subway in the store. I had a foot-long Spicy Italian. I was VERY hungry, so I ate it all. This may not have been wise…

About 20-30 minutes later, we’re wandering around the store and end up in the electronics section. Suddenly I feel something in my stomach, and then in my pants. I handed my mom the stuff I was carrying and (carefully) rushed to the restroom.

It took a while to get cleaned up. I actually had to throw my underpants in the trash! I felt so bad for whoever had to clean the bathroom that day. :frowning:

Has not happened since. Whew.

162

I was in the hospital recovering from a c-section. The medicine had made me a little constipated, and I had not had the urge to poop for a while. I hadn’t eaten the 27 hours I was in labor before the unplanned c-section, then, for two days, I mostly had Ensure, applesauce, and vanilla yogurt, because I was on a “soft” diet.

I had a Foley catheter, and an IV on a stand. I had not been out of bed except in a wheelchair since the surgery. DH was visiting, and he had the baby.

Suddenly, and I mean one second, nothing, the next, my butt was a howitzer, I had to shit. I told him so, and he put the baby in the bassinet, and came over to help me with the IV cart and Foley line-- which were tangled up in the phone line, and I was thus tethered to the bed. We were hurriedly trying to get it all untangled, when I dropped a liquid bomb on the hospital floor (didn’t do it in my pants, because I wasn’t wearing any, just the disposable thing to catch blood, which didn’t do a thing for pudding poop.

I was ready to cry. My husband just calmly continues the untangling, and sends me into the bathroom, then calls the nurses’ station, and says “My wife had an accident.”

They sent someone with a mop and bucket.

I wanted desperately to take a shower, but I had stitches, and hadn’t been approved for one. I had to sit on the toilet while the nurses called the doctor and got permission for me to take a shower. A nurse was supposed to stand outside in case I fell, but they let my husband do it. I didn’t fall.

It was 7 1/2 years ago, and now it’s funny, but I was mortified at the time.

The woman with the bucket was just “Yeah, same shit, different day.” She wasn’t allowed to mop, though, until a nurse came and documented my shit, to make sure it wasn’t bloody, or something. They kept reassuring me it was fine, and things happen, I just had a baby, etc., etc. I wanted them to stop talking about it, please.

Now, when I screw up something really badly, DH says “My wife had an accident.”

163

Awwww, that’s true love. :smiley:

164

I am a little shocked at how often this thread has been bumped.

165

I’ve talked myself out of accidents simply by imagining I had another 30 miles to drive. The urge subsides. But the nanosecond I pull into the garage I’m in trouble. I can’t fool myself any longer. The part of the brain that controls urges jumps up and says" 30 miles my ass". The race is on.

But be forewarned all you younguns, age is not your friend. There will come a time when those youthful muscles that served you well in times of need will fail.

166

Most threads that touch on common experiences have the ability to resurface.

167

This phenomenon - which, strangely, has not been given a name - has been fairly well documented in this research paper :smiley:

168

This is my number one commuting concern. It’s about a 10 minute drive to The Beltway, and from there anywhere from 30 - 45 minutes in gridlock. Everyone who does this knows, once you’re in it, even if you can get over to an exit you’ve still gotta find somewhere with public restrooms that’s open at 730 in the morning. You’ll get to a point where you have to make that crucial decision: is it shorter or longer to stay the course and try to make it to work, or get over to the exit and find somewhere to shit on surface streets that are likely just as gridlocked as The Beltway?

Hasn’t happened to me yet, but I’ve had a few close calls. It’s why I keep a new package of undies and a change of pants in the trunk.

169

Dear God, if you find your sense of humor in need of sustenance please subscribe to Patty O’Furniture’s newsletter.

Absolutely a first rate bit of righting that made a bad day better. And no that’s not a misspelling. the world shifted back on it’s axis with that one.

170

Never trust a fart, especially after a few drinks:o

171

All I could think was “This guy still wears 501’s?” Then I looked at the original post date (2001) and thought “Ahh, that explains it.”

172

Holy crap that is awesome.

173

Most bumped-ever thread?
Sure, more zombie’ing ('tis the season :snowflake: :poop: :cool:) (so - not that I’m expecting responses from the earlier posters or anything)
Yeah, after wading through all 172 posts - a tough slog. Now I know how Tim Robbins felt after his prison escape in Shawshank Redemption.

I understand the embarrassment, shame, and the bravery it takes to do this, but we all must face our horrible failings head on.
Press on :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Been there, done that. In a bar can - thankfully not at home.

Hey what’s wrong with a little malicious smiling at a first date after fudging out? ::bemused shrug::

Recently found out why the heavy duty weight trainers do the baggy sinbad pants thing.
Googled the product, hoping for euphemisms galore in its ad copy, and sure got it. No - wasn’t expecting any outright “this is to prevent you from crapping your pants” explanation.

Ah yes - those non-absorbent, folded-in-half squares, dispensed by those wimpy, usually rusty little dispensers that I thankfully haven’t seen since maybe the early 80s.

Possibly the greatest-ever post/poster-name combo in Dope history?

Interesting - sounds like sound advice to keep in mind if such terror ever abounds.

On an unrelated note - yeah, proctalgia sucks.

ikr

174

If it belongs anywhere – and that’s far from a given – it belongs here:

A young man is listening to a 90 year old, who was once a great adventurer…

The old man:

“Then there was the time we were on safari, and from some bushes, not 10 feet away, a huge Lion attacked going ROAR!!!”

“I tell you son, I just shit myself!”

The young man: I don’t blame you! If I had a Lion that close, I’d shit myself too!"

The old man: No, I mean just now, when I went ROAR!"

175

Thanks for the Christmas gift.

It hasn’t happened to me. . .yet. I’ve had stomach bugs and bad food the world over, but have always made it to the throne. Now, my brother, on the other hand. . .he always considered doctor’s orders to be suggestions and continued to order piles of greasy food in restaurants, even though it was killing him and didn’t agree with him. On one occasion, he dropped a load of diarrhea as he was trying to get to the bathroom from his seat in the restaurant. His wife had to help him clean himself up before they could go get in the car. What’s truly bizarre is that he felt obliged to share the story with me.

Well, I guess most of us go out of this world like we came in, living on a liquid diet and wearing diapers. It’s just a matter of time.

176

Well, on a couple occasions I’ve thought I was going to fart and been surprised. Otherwise, the first time I took simvastatin was the the most memorable; couldn’t have been more than a second from the first twinge of discomfort to fully releasing the hounds.

But my favorite story on this topic involves my nephews, then 9 and 6, who were visiting my wife (before I knew any of them). The 6 year old didn’t pack enough undies, so one day he borrowed some from his brother. Later that day the younger kid had some sort of intestinal discomfort and “mistakes were made”. The older brother, displaying all the sensitivity you would expect, started teasing him “Ha-ha! You pooped your pants!!” Poor younger kid was in tears when my wife pointed out “Well…technically he pooped YOUR pants”, at which time the tears and laughter miraculously switched places!

177

I always say that there’s no choice you can make in life that someone on the SDMB won’t judge you harshly for, but not having a second date here may be the exception. :nauseated_face:

178

One of the three rules for men over 50: never trust a fart. So, Abu Dhabi 2016 and I was 57 and there for a month on business. I was downtown and wrongly trusted a fart.

A few days earlier I realized that toilet paper wasn’t always a given in public washrooms, except in high-end hotels, so I always started carrying my own roll.

After shitting myself I hurried the nearest mall and I was so, so happy I had my own TP.

Note: none of the above is meant as a criticism of Islamic practices (I’m just not quite compatible with all the world’s toilet conventions), and I loved visiting UAE.

179

Sounds like Soviet era Moscow. There was always a babushka sitting outside the restroom door who would charge you a few coins for a couple squares of TP. Also, the toilet paper in the SSRs was more like crepe paper, so we always carried our own in our luggage.

In the African bush, toilet paper wasn’t a concept, so you had to have your own.

180

So I’ve had an upset stomach for a few days. My wife is out so I have to take the dogs for a walk. I take two imodium pills and head to the forest with the dogs and my 6 month old daughter, in a backpack

Decide to do a gentle walk on the lower paths of the mountain, but when I get to the far end, I can feel my tummy rumbling. Ok. Time to turn back. It soon turns to cramps… so I start looking for a site off path to poo.

But it is a beautiful day here and there are lots of people; and I’m not in an area where there is much privacy. Plus I have a baby in a backpack.

So I hold it in. This seems ok, it’s uncomfortable but I’m winning so I bypass the public toilet and head to my car. By the time I’ve got to the car I realise what a big mistake that was. It’s coming now.

Quickly I load the dogs and baby into the car, thanking god I brought an extra diaper. Originally my plan was to tuck it in my pants as insurance while I drove home, but no. That opportunity had passed.

I leap into the passenger seat and whip off my pants, simultaneously placing the diaper and let loose a massive stream of shit. Relief!

Except, now I am hovering, half naked over a child-size diaper full of shit which is threatening to overflow. In a very public carpark, full of people. Quick as a flash I take off my t shirt, wiping my ass as I turn around, then scoop up the diaper.

Luckily I mostly missed my shorts so I could put them back on and get home.

The moral of the story: always have a spare diaper around.