So I just walked through the local movie rental place before it closes its doors for good. It got me to thinking about the years I spent working there in my late teens, back when video stores could still earn a bit of money.
As I was reminiscing, I remembered an interesting encounter with a customer some 14 years before. It was 1997 and the legendary Robert Mitchum had just died. A customer came to the front of the store with 3 or 4 films and also asked if we had any more copies of Cape Fear. I quickly checked and we didn’t. “Not a good week for Robert Mitchum,” I quipped.
Out of nowhere, the woman burst into tears. It really caught me off guard.
I looked down and sure enough all of the movies she put on the counter were starring Robert Mitchum.
As she searched through her purse for tissues, I stammered an apology, quickly hurried through transaction, and tried to decide if she was crazy, knew him personally, or just a big fan.
So if you have any stories, please do tell. Stories where someone else unintentionally offend you are welcome as well.
I used to know this girl. We weren’t dating or anything; just friends, but pretty good friends. Anyway, one day she told me she’d met a guy the night before and began detailing their amorous activities. At one point in the conversation I asked her something about getting to know him first, at which point she went into a rage accusing me of judging her and intimating that she was a slut. She was really offended, so I apologized, even though it wasn’t my intention to upset her. However, the damage was done. Our friendship, for all intents and purposes, ended at that moment.
This guy I worked with brought in a CD and asked me what I thought of the cover artwork. I thought it was truly horrible and said it may be the worst cover I’ve ever seen. He then told me that he created it.
Jeez, she’s going to end a friendship over an innocent question? Sounds she was feeling self-conscious and guilty about the night before and taking it out on you.
A “musician” once asked my opinion about a song he had me listen too. As I told him my true feelings about it, I had no idea he had written and performed it. Oops.
I was in a long line at an airport quickie store. I saw another register opening up - and because the organization of the existing line was jumbled, I didn’t think much about it and headed over to the new cashier. I get there and put my magazine and candy down and hear “what a total asshole!” from some woman who must’ve been ahead of me in the other line, but didn’t see the other cashier until after I did.
Normally, I would’ve totally stepped back - but the situation was not that cut and dried (the casher was behind us and a few folks in the back had headed over with me; she might’ve been choosing to stay in the first line…), and I didn’t appreciate being called an asshole - so I just finished the transaction and moved on…
I worked with a guy in Orlando who had a very similar sense of humor as I do. We were always quoting movies, video games, and YouTube videos, plus we were just overall knuckleheads.
I found out that his girlfriend’s surname was “Labrador,” which I naturally turned into some joke about doing her doggy style. He stiffened up and said something along the lines of “Cryptic, you’re a funny guy… but back off.” I was thinking to myself “Woah, where the hell did that come from?”
I love messing around with people and just generally being a cock, but I really don’t like actually offending people. Thankfully, I made a point of apologizing later, and he was totally cool about it.
Early in a new-girlfriend relationship, she asked me what I liked best about her. I replied “your tits.” Figuring I’d get a laugh and maybe a playful slap, and then I’d come up with a serious answer.
Turns out she had severe lingering body-image issues related to her breasts (which had developed early and enormously, leading to years of teasing, leering, and back problems before she convinced a doctor to perform a reduction). She was of course instantly furious, and wouldn’t even speak to me until the next day.
Should’ve been a warning sign. That was the first of many.
I was trying to get a friend to sign a petition. She seemed hesitant. Without thinking, I said “It’s just a petition. It’s not like we’re asking for your first born son.”
THEN I remember her first born son was the victim of a murder/suicide by his father.:eek:
Fortunately, I had a decades long friendship with the woman. She turned around, walked out without saying a word, and we never brought up my stupidity again.
Once in the 1980s, our office was going to get a new custom artwork made from a local painter. I thought it was a cool idea, and arrived one day to learn it had arrived and been proudly hung in the front office.
There on the wall was an old stiff tarp with paint splotches all over it. I lifted it up expecting to see the painting underneath. What. The. Hell. That old “tarp” was the new artwork!
I burst out laughing and we started riffing on the “art”. Unknown to me, the artist was standing a few feet away with the owner, turning red with anger.
Sure, but there’s one friend in particular, whom I suspect has esteem issues. This person is a good friend most of the time, but every once in a while a conversation will go like this:
“Hey, would you like me to do x?”
“Nah, I’m good.”
“All right, I will note down that you hate X and never do it for you again, since I have offended you.”
“What? I’m not offended, I just said I didn’t want you to do it right now.”
“Yes, you’re categorically opposed to X, I get that. You don’t have to be so difficult about it.”
Backstory: my oldest brother (I have 3) started dating a girl that had just broken up with her previous boyfriend. After some time passed she told him she was pregnant by her old boyfriend. Ultimately, they got married, had their first kid. A year or so passes…
Then I got a call from her: “You’re going to be an uncle again!”
Me, being a dope and wondering which of my sisters-in-law it was going to be, blurted out the well-meaning question “Whose is it this time?”, then realized what I had said.
We all were able to laugh about it once I convinced her what I was thinking.
I was in New York City for my friend Nala’s birthday. Her close friend CaliFlower, who I had never met, was visiting as well. They wanted a picture together. I grabbed the camera and instead of “Say ‘cheese’!” I blurted out “Say ‘your mom’!”.
Within 0.2 seconds, I remembered that CaliFlower’s mother had died of cancer a few weeks earlier. Fuck. I felt like the biggest asshole that there has even been on the earth.
On a daily basis. I must admit, I am not world-renowned for my political correctness and polite little white lies. And it amazes me on a daily basis how many people cannot handle honesty.
I asked a woman (in my defense she was wearing a maternity top) when she was due. She was not pregnant. I have and will never asked that question again.
I have a rule. Never, ever, EVER reference a woman’s pregnancy until she does first. That way, if she’s NOT pregnant, you have avoided a world of shit.