Amen!
Bah, you all stole most of mine!
Patrick O’Brian: Jane Austen with explosions.
Barbara Hambly: Modern woman meets much older wizard from another dimension, falls in love, goes back with him to save his world.
Tim Powers: In carefully-researched historical setting with elements of the supernatural deftly inserted, oblivious hero encounters problems, is maimed, and ultimately triumphs.
C.S. Forester (Horatio Hornblower): Let’s learn about the Napoleonic wars by putting a fictional hero into the middle of the action, conveniently having him be promoted and transferred to all of the most important and interesting historical events and meet all of the great historical figures involved.
Patrick O’Brian (Aubrey/Maturin): Horatio Hornblower updated for modern readers.
Bernard Cornwell (Sharpe): Horatio Hornblower on land.
-George MacDonald Fraser (Flashman): Sharpe, but with sex and sarcasm.
David Weber (Honor Harrington): Horatio Hornblower in space
I like both of the Patrick O’Brian recaps. The Wodehouse one was terrific.
Dan Brown- a bunch of convoluted clues prove the modern existence of an ancient mystical order and only a middle aged professor can save the day when he’s not busy giving really choppy exposition that sounds like a cut & pasted wiki article but with more whopping errors.
I reread that, and realized I need an edit window hours later. Howabout:
Jean Auel: Mary Sue orphaned foundling brings harmony to disparate tribes and disparate human species while singlehandedly creating agriculture and pharmacology whenever she’s not busy getting laid.
Makes a little more sense now…
Very good.
Let’s make sure we get all of Ian Fleming’s works in there, even his children’s book: Kissy Kissy Bang Bang.
Kazuo Ishiguro - I’m going to narrate a very nice story to you which will gradually reveal how completely disfunctional and hopeless I am and then end the story without resolution.
Or:
Mary Sue tries to destroy the man she loves, tries to destroy the man she loves, tries to destroy the man she loves, and discovers “I.”
Bashō’s editor:
Your travelogue is too long!
You should try haiku.
(I had an otherwise excellent entry for Steven King, but I just couldn’t think of a good ending for it.)
George R R Martin: Protagonist dies, here comes new protagonist, Oh, he’s dead now too.
First, I reallky need to congratulate digs on the P G Wodehouse. Brilliant!
Janet Evanovich: Hilarity ensues when incompetent bond enforcer Stephanie Plum destroys cars, disrupts funerals, and wavers between two incredibly handsome and absolutely competent (Superman) boyfriends.
<snert>
Gregory Maguire: Turning fairy tales into adult tales for fun and huge profits.
Jeff Kinney: Like 90% of the people who keep a diary, this kid is a wimp.
Barbara Kingsolver: Men are controlling domineering pigs, women are patient, kind, enduring and faithful.
Is Barbara Kingsolver a nom-de-plume of Alice Walker by any chance?
Charlaine Harris: Strong, though at times whiny, female lead character with some serious early trauma that leaves them isolated from the rest of society, uses paranormal ability (or martial arts) to solve extremely violent and gruesome crimes.