In honor of this highly entertaining thread - now let’s do directors.
John Hughes: A bunch of stereotypes bitch about the fact that everyone only sees them as a bunch of stereotypes.
Brian DePalma: Workingman hero gets caught up over his head in a larger crime conspiracy, as seen from above, with a generous helping of Hitchcock.
Uwe Boll: Ja, ja. Nur bargeld, zuerst, bitte.
Kevin Smith - A bunch of twenty-somethings/thirty-somethings hang out, smoke or buy pot, discuss comic books, use foul language and talk about sex and/or kinky sex. (Jersey Girl is the notable exception to this formula, however.)
Milos Forman - We learn that assholes are people too. Before they die.
Mel Brooks: Slapstick comedy featuring farting cowboys, brave space heroes and short villains, monsters and mad scientists, legendary robbers and their gang, medieval Jews, ancient Romans, and Dom DeLuise.
David Lynch: Life is weird – no, even weirder than that.
Alfred Hitchcock – Innocent man is accused of a crime and has to clear his name.
Orson Welles – Great men have their flaws.
Max Ophuls – watch me move the camera around
D.W. Griffith – the heroine is rescued in the nick of time.
Michael Mann: No matter how good the bad guys are (and they can be good) the good guys will win in the end.
Martin Scorsese: No matter how good the good guys are the bad guys will sometimes win.
Riddley Scott: Never use one camera when you can use five.
John “Misdirected” Woo: The doves mean…something.
M. Night Shyamalan: Please enjoy this movie about something perfectly benign.
GOTCHA YA!
It’s something else entirely! Ha ha ha ha. Don’t you feel like an idiot? Ha ha ha ha.
By the way, I’m the doctor in that one scene.
Oh. Sorry. It needed more than one sentence.
It’s M. Night …
Ed Wood: Fuck it, good enough, no need to reshoot.
Lars von Trier - The second your friends realize their actions aren’t inhibited by legal or social consequences they will betray you - and they might rape you.
John Ford - white hats dance politely with the school marm, then kill black hats and/or Indians in a shootout they didn’t start, stare manfully into the distance and/or ride away
Steven Spielberg–Adorable children are pretty much impervious to anything you can throw at them from aliens to dinosaurs.
Michael Bay - Idiotic characters BLOW SHIT UP and there are inane attempts at humor interspersed with more EXPLOSIONS!
(short version) Michael Bay - BOOM!
… with a slice of cherry pie, please.
Gaspar Noé - I’m gonna fuck’n make you fuck’n hate the fact that you are even fuck’n breathing, you fuck’n fuck.
Werner Herzog - Don’t worry, Klaus - it is all beautiful.
Tim Burtn: Creepy tales starting Johnny Depp.
Christopher Nolan: Cool professional people have trouble with their objectives because emotions get in the way.
Michael Bay presents: EXPLOSIONS
Akira Kurosawa - Shakespearean samurai.
Ingmar Bergman - Life is allegory.
Guy Ritchie - “Hard men” are so cool, swoon.