I’ve decided that there’s not enough suffering and chaos in the world, which means it’s time for me to screw with everyone. Today’s instrument of mischief is the Sexual Orientation Reversal Ray-Cannon. This technomagic device does exactly what it says on the tin. Straight men and lesbians suddenly find themselves hungry for crullers; straight women and gay men suddenly pine for donuts; bisexuals go into a sneezing fit but are otherwise unaffected. (Pedophiles’ heads explode. I thought about engineering that bug out but then I realized that I didn’t care.)
I’ve mounted 4786 of the SORRCson satellite platforms, and they’ll sweep the Earth with their beams starting – well, never mind. Suffice to say that unless you were rocketed here from the doomed planet Krypton as an infant, you ain’t doing nothing to stop it. Anyway, I’ll keep things as they are until there’s been sufficiently amusing chaos. At least a year.
Will you be able to handle the reversal in orientation? Will anyone? What countries should I aim my repeater-scopes at for maximum entertainment value?