Everyone on Earth to get their sexual orientation reversed. Can you handle it? Can the world?

I’ve decided that there’s not enough suffering and chaos in the world, which means it’s time for me to screw with everyone. Today’s instrument of mischief is the Sexual Orientation Reversal Ray-Cannon. This technomagic device does exactly what it says on the tin. Straight men and lesbians suddenly find themselves hungry for crullers; straight women and gay men suddenly pine for donuts; bisexuals go into a sneezing fit but are otherwise unaffected. (Pedophiles’ heads explode. I thought about engineering that bug out but then I realized that I didn’t care.)

I’ve mounted 4786 of the SORRCson satellite platforms, and they’ll sweep the Earth with their beams starting – well, never mind. Suffice to say that unless you were rocketed here from the doomed planet Krypton as an infant, you ain’t doing nothing to stop it. Anyway, I’ll keep things as they are until there’s been sufficiently amusing chaos. At least a year.

Will you be able to handle the reversal in orientation? Will anyone? What countries should I aim my repeater-scopes at for maximum entertainment value?

I’d invest in artificial insemination clinics. IIRC, only a few percent of woman are lesbians, so you’d either need each newly straight woman to churn out 30 or so kids each to maintain population levels or a lot of newly minted lesbians would need to find ways to get themsleves knocked up.

I predict Fred Phelps would be out there protesting with a “God Hates Straights” sign after taking a surprisingly short time to adjust to the new order.

Does this mean I get to be a whore-slut?

Certain countries are going to have a really interesting time and the Westboro Baptist bunch well… that ought to be entertaining. I don’t know how I would feel about that I suspect the men’s room would be an interesting place.


Donuts? Crullers? Is that what they’re calling it nowadays?

I thought you’d written hereabouts that you were pretty much asexual; am I wrong?

Assuming I’m not, I think asexuals are even more immune to the SORRCs’ effects than bisexuals: that is, not even a sneezing fit. The rays don’t do anything to increase (or decrease) sex drive.

Xander Harris died for nothing.

I don’t think my life would be ruined. My husband and I would make great friends even if we were no longer sexually interested in each other and I think we’d find our way in the new world order fairly well, but even if that were not so I would vote to pull the trigger just to get the effect of the bug.

One statement does concern me though… Keep them as they are until there has been sufficiently amusing chaos? I thought this was permanent.

As for the Westboro church I don’t expect any change except perhaps a rise in birthrate and a statement from their leader about how god protected him from the horrors the rays caused.


Punk-ass rays.

Actually, now that you mention it, it would be pretty awesome if almost everyone was gay and hardly anyone wanted to have baby-producing sex. Overnight, the rate of accidental pregnancy would become almost non-existent! The rate of population growth would dip down so low that we might buy ourselves decades or even centuries before we’d have to worry about destroying the earth and its ecosystem!

I now regret that I didn’t go into the mad scientist career track and work on a gay ray myself. :frowning: It’s a much cleaner, nicer solution to overpopulation than engineering a pandemic or any of the other obvious solutions.

You could always ASK to be shot with such a ray. There’s one in inventory which we’re planning to use on – well, never mind. The point is, the thing’s just collecting dust till 20 January 2013, and I have been known to grant polite requests.

Looks like I’m finally destined for Fatherhood, many times over, starting in about 9 months.

I suspect in the case of Westboro Baptist Church, the Pope and the like… The majority will still find a way to discriminate against the minority. Basically the same people will end up disenfranchised.

Depending on my mood I consider my self about 25% gay.

How does the ray effect me?

I was hoping that it would reverse this so I could be cleaner, have better style, and attract more ladies.

Nah. The Vatican would be full of headless people. (rimshot)

As a gay man, this would be awesome. Lesbians would be the only ones interested in dating men, there would be very few other men to compete with now, and I tend to find lesbians the most attractive of all women (the ones who look like more like tomboys anyhow).

So go ahead and let that reversal-ray chaos begin :smiley:

Seems alright. My best female friend and I have already discussed shacking up and raising babies together, since she wants to have them, I want to educate them, and men generally suck. :wink: This would make the transition a bit cleaner.

Except you will now be in the Hetero minority. You will now be “naturally” attracted to the opposite sex. The former Lesbians…

But doesn’t that mean that after you flip the switch, you’ll screw with no one?

Personally, I’m not getting any right now anyway, so I don’t see a big change. The biggest effect would be that I’d need to restock my porn collection.

On the plus side, Candice Swanepoel and Miranda Kerr will be making out backstage at the Victoria’s Secret show.

On the negative side, I won’t care.

drewtwo99 made me realize something, nothing much would change except for the sex stuff. People who meet partners in bars would still meet that way and people who meet theirs in Church, ditto. We are still the same, just putting our naughty bits with a different set. It would be a interesting transition, but after the dust settled we would resume our old ways and habits, with a twist.Take my local watering hole, pretty diverse straight, gay(mostly women), white, black, latino, ages 25 to 65, yadda yadda. I would be back at my watering hole with about the same size pool of potential “dates”(I don’t fish where I eat), playing dominoes, talking BS and drinking Lone Star, not a big change for me. IMHO I suspect that this is true for most people and no more pedophiles :slight_smile: