Oh, dear … the last several hours are so … HAZY … I sat down in front of my computer to check Straight Dope … and then everything went black … I had erotic dreams about other Dopers … I woke up and there was a soccer ball on my computer and a heaping helping of Hamburger Helper in a bowl in front of me … what has been going on? I am afraid.
How YOU doin baby?
:blows kisses:
No, everyone pay attention to ME!!!
No?
Okay… 
Hi, Jack.
Hi Silver Fire, I’ll pay attention to you.
I’ve already given Jack his allotment for the day.
So Snooooopy, who were you dreaming about?
I don’t think a smiley has been invented to convey what I’m thinking.
No, Jack, Snoooopy made me take them off but I didn’t need much cajoling, if you know what I mean. I like guys named Jack. 
Even if they are/were bedwetters. ::smiles and steps away from him ever so slightly::
Something going on here that we should know about, you two?
Ooo! Ooo! Let’s start wild rumors! That could make future Dopefests even more entertaining!
Um, but this is all about Jack. I forgot. Let’s start some about Jack too!
I categorically deny any and all knowledge of this Jack Batty that you speak of.
Silver Fire… how are you tonight, lovely?
I’m okay. Having a few kidney problems, but I should be fine. How’re you?
Not too bad. I’m listening to a song called “Cows with Guns.” I really should go to bed, but screw it- three day weekend.
I’ve given my Altoids to a girl down the hall with orders not to give them to me. I’m expecting breakdown soon.
Man, I spend the afternoon away from my computer and one of my shameless attention getting ploys (even though not actually started by me) has degenerated into an andygirl/Silver Fire/kidney problem/Cows With Guns/altoids thread.
The price of sluttiness, I suppose. You snooze, you lose.
I feel I need to quell a rumor that I’m sure Rasa would probably like to advance, and which I seem to have inadvertently started: I do not wear Huggies Pull-ups[sup]TM[/sup] - although I have no comment about latex pajamas.
Nevermind all of that … andygirl, Silver Fire, how’s life? Other than kidneys and Cows, that is.
Hi Jack!
So you’re cravin’ some attention? Hmmm… well, seeing as how I am virtually unknown as of yet, suppose I do a wicked lap dance?
Oohh… not THAT kind of attention…?
Oh well…
Hiya Jack! How are you doing?
Back on track.
MWUHHAAHAHHAHAHHAHA!!!
Silly Rabbit - not so fast, any attention is good attention especially when centered in my lap. [sub]did I say that out loud?[/sub]
Just kidding, honey. [sub]that’s for my wife in case she’s lurking[/sub]
AudreyK - Back at ya babe, I’m doing relatively okie-dokie.
Good for you, Jack. Hope the “relatively” part gets removed soon, and the “okie-dokie” becomes “damn good”.
I’d offer you a lapdance too, but I’ve promised one to others (namely poohpah chalupa), and I best take care of those fine gentlemen first. 
Jack, attention sluts like you make me absolutely SICK! Good god man, next thing you know your sluttiness will rub off on me and make me one! I’m taking my virginal, chaste, non attention slut ass home!
grumble
Who the hell is Jack Batty?
Hmmm…I’d much rather pay attention to Eutychus than Jack Batty. Eutychus doesn’t wet the bed.
Jeez, this is gettin’ ugly.
:: chanting to myself :: - any attention is good attention; any attention is good attention; any attention is good attention
Doob: You don’ know, you don’ know, sit yer ugly ass down biotch. - Ahem, that was my lame attempt at a Jerry Springer Guest of Honor speech. “Is Your Doper a Slut?” - Next on Springer.
Euty: Who is Jack Batty? Who is anybody, really? I mean in a metaphysical sense, aren’t we all just tiny pawns lost in the wrinkles of …, um, uh … hold on, I need more coffee.
magdalene: How fickle fo you. “Once you’ve had a wetter, you’ll never get any better.”