As of this morning, I have seen swift, comic karma executed on thieves twice in one week. One incident directly involved me; the other did not. Even so, together, they’re almost enough to make me foreswear evil and definitely enough to make me laugh.
First Incident:
This is the one that directly involved me. I was at the library the other day, working on an extremely boring story on – oh, let’s say chocolate pie. It really doesn’t matter. Anyway, after being genuinely hard at work for a few hours I decided to take a bathroom break. Not being an idiot, I took my laptop to the bathroom with me. JUST the computer–I unplugged the power cord and mouse and left them on the table with my reference books (the better to say "Yes, there’s someone using this stuff and he will be coming back.) I also left my computer bag, because the shoulder strap has been a little unreliable lately; twice the hook that you use to latch it to the bag has mysteriously come undone, and only luck kept my computer from being goobered in the fall. Replacing this bag was on my things to do on the way home.
Anywhistle, off to the bathroom I went. I emerged to a commotion. “Someone just stole a laptop!” patrons are chiming.
Calmly I walk back to my table. Mouse and power cord are right where I left them; so are my notebooks and my little portable fan. But someone has grabbed and run off my the computer bag, which contains, at at moment, five bic pens of varying colors, two pencils, and the latest New Yorker. In his haste to pull off this larceny, the thief seems not to have noticed that his booty weighed less than a pound.
Understandably I wasn’t terribly bothered. But my lassitude turned to amusement because of the next development, which came to light because a security guard asked me to go down to the first floor to make a report. This seemed pretty pointless to me, as I didn’t see the actual crime, and the items stolen was something I didn’t care about, but I might as well.
On the first floor we found that Nemesis had been at work. You see, several persons noticed the theft in progress, prompting the thief to make a hasty exit from the library. So hasty that, as he exited the building, he ran into one of these things. Full tilt. And yes, that’s exactly as solid as it looks.
Second incident:
I only witnessed this incident. While it’s not as poetic as the first one, it has the advantage of apparently involving Batman.
This morning I decided to go to Starbucks because I needed to get some actual composition (as opposed to research) done, and, for me, composition requires three elements: quickly accessible coffee, human beings in the background, and no free internet access lest I waste hours on the Dope and/or Wikipedia. (Anyone who tells me how to get onto the web for free at 'Bucks will be locked in cage with twenty orangutans–five hungry, five horny, five rabid, and five that fit in all three categories.) My creative outflow was interrupted by other patrons yelling “What the hell just happened? Did that guy just steal that lady’s purse?”
Looking up, I saw a young man holding a lady’s purse and making tracks through the parking lot. An instant later I saw a young gentleman in hot pursuit. The young gentleman caught the purse-snatcher, punched him, and retrieved the purse. Calmly–as if daring the snatcher to retaliate–he turned around, walked back to the owner of the purse, and returned it to her. He then walked off, presumably because he was late for a SuperFriends meeting.
So, to sum up the week: it’s Good Guys 2, Bad Guys 0.
(Okay, so if we take the entire world into account, it’s Good Guys 2, Bad Guys 987,345,185,222. But this is no time for facts.)
