[QUOTE=davenportavenger]
What kind of medical condition would force compulsory beardage? Inquiring minds want to know.
[/QUOTE]
Doesn’t “don’t ask, don’t tell” sort-of require acquiring a beard?
Oh, wait. Wrong kind of beard. My bad.
[QUOTE=Cervaise]
I would settle for a prehensile dong.
[/QUOTE]
eek. Dolphin flashback. shudder
What’s with getting rid of tails? If we got to keep beards coz they don’t cause problems, why did we dump tails which could help in balance keeping flies away and if prehensile carrying the groceries. I think losing the tail was a bad move.
[QUOTE=waterj2]
What makes you think that? As far as I can tell, evolution seems to select in favor of frustrating motherfuckers.
[/QUOTE]
That’s just because we’re in an equilibrium period. When the next punctuated time comes around, we’ll see what’s what.
[QUOTE=davenportavenger]
What kind of medical condition would force compulsory beardage? Inquiring minds want to know.
[/QUOTE]
Hemophilia, maybe? (though I wouldn’t think the Navy would take hemophiliacs)
[QUOTE=matt_mcl]
I, myself, would like to be able to disarticulate my jaw so as to consume prey many times larger than myself, which I would then digest for a few weeks.
[/QUOTE]
Matt, mon ami, it’s not the jaw you need to worry about. It’s how distensible your esophagus is.
Me, I could use a couple of extra arms and hands, especially when working on hardware.
[QUOTE=Anne Neville]
Hemophilia, maybe? (though I wouldn’t think the Navy would take hemophiliacs)
[/QUOTE]
I am not male, and not in the armed services. However, I think I recall a case where a black man had difficulty remaining clean-shaven due to the tendency of his beard hairs to become ingrown and then infected if not left to grow to a certain minimum length.
Actually, I’ve been pondering for a while doing something drastic about my facial hair. As far as I can tell, there are at least five options to get rid of it semi-permanently:
(1) Some kind of nair-esque cream
(2) Waxing
(3) Lasers
(4) Electrolysis
(5) Some little machine that spins around and yanks up all the hairs by the roots
Has anyone ever done any of them? Are they effective? Cheap?
[QUOTE=MaxTheVool]
Actually, I’ve been pondering for a while doing something drastic about my facial hair. As far as I can tell, there are at least five options to get rid of it semi-permanently:
(1) Some kind of nair-esque cream
(2) Waxing
(3) Lasers
(4) Electrolysis
(5) Some little machine that spins around and yanks up all the hairs by the roots
Has anyone ever done any of them? Are they effective? Cheap?
[/QUOTE]
I’ve heard, at least, that waxing isn’t a great solution for facial skin as it’s thinner and more delicate, and you’re liable to hurt yourself or at least seriously irritate your skin doing it.
I hate shaving too . . . if you find something that works, lemme know.
[QUOTE=MaxTheVool]
(5) Some little machine that spins around and yanks up all the hairs by the roots
[/QUOTE]
This is called a dull Norelco.
Evolution seems to be working for me. In just the last 20 years I’ve developed eyes in the back of my head, selective, focusable hearing, and the ability to eat…materials that are not commonly suited for human consumption.
I teach.
[QUOTE=Guinastasia]
be able to turn my head all the way around.
[/QUOTE]
I want that one. I also want 4 or maybe 6 arms. Laser eyes would be cool, too.
Some things I wish evolution would get rid of: armpit and leg hair, wisdom teeth, the appendix.
[QUOTE=Bippy the Beardless]
What’s with getting rid of tails? If we got to keep beards coz they don’t cause problems, why did we dump tails which could help in balance keeping flies away and if prehensile carrying the groceries. I think losing the tail was a bad move.
[/QUOTE]
I’ve always wanted a long, prehensile tail. It would be nice for scratching one’s back.
Mermaid fins might be fun, too.
I want gills. I love swimming under water, but find prolonged hypoxia to be uncomfortable. Plus it would be fun to say “I am…Aquaman!”
[QUOTE=Marley23]
[QUOTE=Loopydude]
You could cut your balls off. It won’t stop the beard growing, but should slow it down a bit. One razor. Cheap.
[/QUOTE]
That one razor would be Occam’s, I guess, since in a roundabout way that’s the simplest solution.
My complaint about evolution is that it’s too slow. If it moved at a respectable rate, I wouldn’t be surrounded by so many millions of frustrating motherfuckers on this planet.
[/QUOTE]
Don’t have much to add, but goddamn that was funny 
And, hmmm… I would like to need only one hour of sleep (or none) each night. There’s so many more fun and interesting things to do besides sleep.
If there were no such thing as razors, and women universally found the absence of facial hair to be more attractive, men would evolve to where we wouldn’t have to shave.
I, for one, would like to sweat cologne.
My rabbi in the Air Force (a year ago) didn’t have to shave all the way down to the skin, as Leviticius has a law against that.
Not if the human race evolved wings. Then you’d be begging for a car.
Doesn’t matter anyway, as most people select their beardedness artificially. I have known men who just couldn’t grow facial or chest hair, though.
And women with light moustaches that you can only see when you’re up close and personal. Talk about a moodkiller!
There’s a facial infection common in boot camp, especially among blacks (check out the “black people toiletries” section of your local super-pharmacy: there are products for facial bumps there, that’s what it is), which is highly exacerbated by shaving. Sometimes you can get a shaving waiver if you have excessive acne that won’t go away.
In contrast to Ea_calendula, I would like to be able to stay in REM sleep for 12 continuous hours a day.
Evolution … sucks …
Ewwww!!
[QUOTE=fetus]
…
In contrast to Ea_calendula, I would like to be able to stay in REM sleep for 12 continuous hours a day.
[/QUOTE]
REM sleep, yeah, I could go with that - but 12 hours :eek:
[QUOTE=MaxTheVool]
(5) Some little machine that spins around and yanks up all the hairs by the roots
[/QUOTE]
Tried that on my legs, and it hurt a fair amount. Then, shortly afterwards, I had to deal with a million and a half ingrown hairs. I really don’t recommend trying that on your face!
Waxing gives the same problem, and the Nair-esque creams really aren’t a long-term solution. The hair stays gone a little bit longer than with shaving, but not by much.
[QUOTE=Lightray]
eek. Dolphin flashback. shudder
[/QUOTE]
Why on earth are you having flashbacks to a dolphin penis?
Never mind. I just don’t want to know.
[QUOTE=Priceguy]
There wasn’t much to see.
[/QUOTE]
Don’t put yourself down.
[QUOTE=tdn]
“Oh, boo fucking hoo. I have too much hair.”
Can someone clue me in as to the evolutionary advantage of male pattern baldness?
[/QUOTE]
I assume it is to make it easier to find a handsome man.
mmm…bald hubby. He has a great head. Too bad he doesn’t use it. 
btw, I hate men that wear hats to cover losing hair. It doesn’t fool anyone and generally makes me think they are less confident.