No debate on whether you should miss it or not. I’m just wondering whether or not people who’ve left their religion miss having a faith. So, here are the questions:
*What religion were you a part of, and what are you now?
*Did you consider yourself to be very religious before?
*Do you feel like you’ve lost something (good or bad), or are missing out on something as a result of deconverting?
*Did you gain something (good or bad) as a result of deconversion?
Also, how would you feel about becoming religious again? Is that something that you’d prefer did/didn’t happen? etc.
*What religion were you a part of, and what are you now?
Judaism
*Did you consider yourself to be very religious before?
Not really.
*Do you feel like you’ve lost something (good or bad), or are missing out on something as a result of deconverting? Yes, Guilt. I no longer have nearly as much guilt or shame about the body’s natural processes.
*Did you gain something (good or bad) as a result of deconversion?
Yes, the world.
Also, how would you feel about becoming religious again?
::Where is the ::throw-up:: smiley, know that we need it the most?
I was raised in the Presbyterian church and my father was a minister, so I was pretty heavily involved in church programs through high school. I am now an atheist, meaning that I believe no higher power of any sort exists.
I went through a phase of being fairly serious about it about the time I was going through the confirmation process.
No, I don’t feel that I’ve lost anything. I hold pretty much that same values I always have, they just don’t have a foundation in faith in anything supernatural. The only thing of concrete value that church held for me was a community, and we are pretty involved in my husband’s church, now, so I don’t feel that I or my children are missing out on that.
I gained the freedom to stop worrying about why certain behaviors that were logically wrong to me were condoned by my religion and other behaviors that were clearly positive or harmless were considered sinful.
*What religion were you a part of, and what are you now?
I was raised an Evangelical Christian. I no longer identify myself with any religious group.
*Did you consider yourself to be very religious before?
When I was younger, yes. I was raised to be that way. This all began to change in my later high school and early college years, when I began to examine more deeply what I’d been raised to believe.
*Do you feel like you’ve lost something (good or bad), or are missing out on something as a result of deconverting? I’ll admit that I miss the music. I love singing in church, especially at Christmas time. I still love religious Christmas music, even though I no longer consider myself a Christian. Is that weird? Probably. Like Scott Plaid, I’ve also lost guilt. I always felt like I was being judged in my church. I always felt that it wasn’t their place to judge me, but God’s.
*Did you gain something (good or bad) as a result of deconversion?
I feel I’ve become much more open-minded and tolerant of others’ beliefs.
Also, how would you feel about becoming religious again? Is that something that you’d prefer did/didn’t happen? etc.
I don’t foresee it happening. I have a real problem with the “We’re right, you’re wrong, you’re going to hell,” attitude of the Christians I grew up with (though I obviously realize this doesn’t apply to all Christians). I never want to be one of those people again. If I found a more open-minded church, I might attend services but I don’t see myself become as religious as I was.
Oh, I forgot the last one. It is inconceivable to me that I would become religious again. The only way I could see it happening is if God decides to provide me with the type of evidence of His existence that He conspicuously refuses to supply.
*What religion were you a part of, and what are you now?
Catholicism then. Atheistic now.
*Did you consider yourself to be very religious before?
My family is more religious than many. Church every Sunday, observance of important holidays and rites. That sort of thing. I also went on a 3 week trip to Europe with family that was basically a pilgramage to different churches. For three weeks. Probably the last straw that broke my faith.
*Do you feel like you’ve lost something (good or bad), or are missing out on something as a result of deconverting?
Occasionally I envy people who are consolled by the idea that they will be reunited with lost loved ones in heaven. I beleive now that people just stop existing when they die, and I get scared sometimes when I think about how some drunk driver could take away my fiance forever. Forever and ever and I would never see him again.
Aside from that, I’m really not missing much.
*Did you gain something (good or bad) as a result of deconversion?
In the same vein of what cher3 said. I no longer have thoughts or behaviors that illogically conflict with other thoughts or behaviors. I just feel like I make more sense now.
Also, how would you feel about becoming religious again? Is that something that you’d prefer did/didn’t happen? etc.
I can’t see myself becoming religious again. It would require rewriting several major logical bases of my views on life and society. Besides, all the major religious have the same basic rule: Don’t be a jerk. Seems to me, so long as I follow that rule, it doesn’t matter what religion I am or if I am religious at all.
*What religion were you a part of, and what are you now?
I was Roman Catholic, now I’m not religious.
*Did you consider yourself to be very religious before?
Yup - I was an alter boy and made some spending cash by playing the organ every week for mass.
*Do you feel like you’ve lost something (good or bad), or are missing out on something as a result of deconverting?
I never have before, but this past week my father went back into the hospital, and I’m actually really jealous that my Mom gets to pray and feel like it accomplishes something. I wish there was something I could do, but I’m putting my trust in the doctors while my Mom puts her trust in her God and the doctors.
*Did you gain something (good or bad) as a result of deconversion?
I think I’m a lot more accepting of other beliefs and people than I was back when I was religious, but I’m not sure if that came from leaving my religion, or just growing up and learning about the world.
Also, how would you feel about becoming religious again? Is that something that you’d prefer did/didn’t happen?
I don’t think I ever will, but if I do, I do. Kind of hard to express any emotion about it now, because if I were to go back, I’d have to be pretty happy about it in order to go back. Uh, that doesn’t make much sense, but hopefully you all understand what I mean.
I was a member of the Christian Churches/Churches of Christ, a very fundamentalist evangelical group. Many members consider themselves to be the one true Christian church, not a denomination but the ideal that all denominations have deviated from.
I’m currently a very liberal member of a United Methodist church, still questioning everything.
I was very religious. I was the daughter, granddaughter, niece and cousin of Church of Christ ministers. I attended a Christian Church-affiliated college, and my first job was teaching in a private Christian Church school. I prayed twice a day, took notes during sermons, never skipped Sunday School, and believed everything that the ministers, elders, and deacons taught me until I was 27 years old. I read the Bible through so often that I don’t know the number, every day since before I was old enough to understand it, always with the assumption that every word was literally true.
My life changed almost completely. I lost almost everything, and had to build a new life for myself, because my sense of who I was, my community, even my livelihood were all built on the church.
When I was in the church, I was part of a tightly-knit community. I never had to question what was right or wrong, or where I fit into the world, because the answers were given to me clearly. I knew exactly what God wanted, from me and from everyone else in the world, and could explain it simply. It has been hard to learn to live without that, and I’m told that my struggles with depression are not uncommon for people in this situation.
The best things I lost were :
my belief that a woman’s place is quietly submitting to a husband, caring for children, and learning from men (no, she has nothing to teach them)
the burden of witnessing- I no longer feel burdened by the huge number of people who are destined for hell, and who can be saved if I can only find the right words to persuade them
The world is so much bigger, more complicated, and more interesting than I realized. As a kid, I used to read a lot of science fiction. I was fascinated by these imaginary worlds, all so different from one another. Now, I read a lot of nonfiction, always amazed to discover how varied and rich the real world is. There are so many different kinds of people, so many different ways of understanding the world, so many different ideas and stories and images, and I drink them up.
Plus, wine. Lovely, lovely wine. How could everyone I know have been so convinced that such a lovely thing was sinful? Wine is one of my favorite things about leaving that church.
I still believe that there is a God, of some kind, a loving, wise entity who cares about this world. At least, I’d really like to believe that. I haven’t given up on finding a way to believe that without having to burden myself with all the legalism and frustration and bad feelings. I keep going back and forth- trying to practice some form of what I loved about Christianity, but afraid to commit myself to anything. It’s very hard to pray.
I’m very, very uncomfortable with public displays of religion now. I avoid the inspiration section at the bookstore, because it makes my stomach clench as I feel guilt over all the lousy things I said and did in God’s name. I arrange my family visits so I can avoid going to church with them whenever possible. I want to pull the fishes off of people’s cars and throw them in the gutters. And I annoy my friends by almost never talking in absolutes- I’ve had enough absolutes to last me a lifetime, and now I’m reluctant to allow myself to be sure of anything.
I would very much like to find a way to practice some form of religion with the confident faith I once had.
I never, ever, ever want to return to being the mind-slave of a religious group again.
What religion were you a part of, and what are you now?
Born and raised Roman Catholic, now agnostic.
Did you consider yourself to be very religious before?
I think “very religious” is a subjective term, but I was a practicing Catholic and was active in my church as a lector (reader).
Do you feel like you’ve lost something (good or bad), or are missing out on something as a result of deconverting?
Like yellowval, I miss the music: my father has been a church organist since way before I was born, and everyone in my immediate family is musical, so over the years I became very familiar with many hymns, both traditional and modern. I still love several of the hymns, and when I talk with my father we discuss whatever music his choir is practicing these days. I feel a great deal of nostalgia for the music, and for the Church herself – in fact, it took several years for me to separate nostalgia from faith.
Oddly enough, sometimes I really miss lectoring … I miss ministering. This will sound horribly arrogant, but I was a pretty darn good lector: I enjoyed the challenge of reading Bible passages out loud and making them understandable – particularly bits from the Old Testament. There’s nothing quite like finishing a reading and seeing people not only paying attention, but smiling … there were times I could tell that some people really understood the point of the reading, maybe for the first time. I loved the idea of not being another monotonous reader, but of really getting through to the congregation. No doubt there was some ego on my part, but I think my heart was in the right place.
I would have make a kickass priest.
Did you gain something (good or bad) as a result of deconversion?
Not that I can think of … except my Saturday evenings/Sunday mornings, of course.
Also, how would you feel about becoming religious again? Is that something that you’d prefer did/didn’t happen?
I don’t think it’s likely, but I would never rule it out. I don’t have a preference either way – I’ll either believe or I won’t.
Fairly. My dad was very involved with the church. I went to Catholic School and was an alter boy up through middle school. I would pray semi-regularly.
I lost an assurance of an afterlife. Granted, so much guilt was drilled into me from church, half the time I felt like I wouldn’t make the cut anyway, but that was a seriously difficult thing to come to terms with.
Oddly enough, peace of mind. Without using the church’s outdated (in my opinion) rulebook of what constitutes right and wrong, and instead based them on a core set of beliefs that resonate from within (which, truth be told, don’t stray too far from the teachings of Jesus or Ghandi). But a lot of the dogma that got rolled into the church the past few millennia. Now, the answers to a lot of my burning questions about faith make a lot more sense.
I have no preference for or against. Certain events caused me to lose faith. Certain events may cause me to regain it. I can say that when I did have faith, being agnostic or atheist struck me as one of the worst things that could happen. Until it happened to me. As I mentioned before, I have a great deal of peace of mind about my lack of faith. If I get religious again, it will be due to my own choice, how can I be against that. I may come back around to believe in some sort of higher power someday (maybe not) but I strongly doubt I will come back to any kind of organized religion.
[QUOTE=lightingtool* Also, how would you feel about becoming religious again? Is that something that you’d prefer did/didn’t happen?
I don’t think I ever will, but if I do, I do. Kind of hard to express any emotion about it now, because if I were to go back, I’d have to be pretty happy about it in order to go back. Uh, that doesn’t make much sense, but hopefully you all understand what I mean.[/QUOTE]
Yes, that’s kind of a strange question. It’s there to get a general feel of how comfortable people are with their current beliefs. Thanks for the replies everyone.
***What religion were you a part of, and what are you now? **
Raised Roman Catholic, became “Born Again” Christian in college, was that way for 9 years, now agnostic (but for all practical purposes an atheist).
***Did you consider yourself to be very religious before? **
Very much so, yes. I and some of my zealous friends used to annoint the doroways of our apartment and we’d do things like march around a Dianetics building seven times, a la the Israelites marching around Jericho.
*Do you feel like you’ve lost something (good or bad), or are missing out on something as a result of deconverting?
I’ve lost some blinders, that’s for sure. That’s good in the sense that I feel I can judge things for myself, bad in the sense that it’s harder to think for oneself and make judgments without a guidebook to help you.
I lost a lot of fear when I deconverted.
I think the thing I miss the most about being a believer is the comfort that came with believing that ultimately justice will be carried out; that evil shall be punished even if it looks like evil people get away with murder (sometimes literally).
***Did you gain something (good or bad) as a result of deconversion? **
I gained a HUGE library of books about cosmology and evolution and biology and anthropology and psychology and paleontology and so forth that I finally felt free to read and learn from without subconsciously trying to debunk them to defend my faith.
I gained a fair amount of bitterness as I felt that I had been lied to by the “system” in my religion; meaning apologists and creationists and so forth – people who pretend that they are defending truth, but in fact they are reinterpreting evidence to fit their preconceived ideas about what truth should be.
Also contributing to my bitterness; seeing clearly how much certain Christian groups attempt to make their beliefs a matter of public policy (see: creationism vs evolution in classrooms, stem cell research, abortion, gay marriage, etc.)
*** Also, how would you feel about becoming religious again? Is that something that you’d prefer did/didn’t happen? etc.**
I’ve given my friends permission to slap the shit out of me if I ever return to the kind of religious belief that I once had. That’s not to say that I’ll never again profess a belief in God; just that I find the Christian ideas about god to be completely untenable.
*What religion were you a part of, and what are you now?
Judaism, now I’m atheist.
*Did you consider yourself to be very religious before?
I tried to be, but no one really taught me about my fate. I don’t a lot of kids would be very religious unless they where pushed in that direction. No one pushed me, but I still had a feeling that religion was the right way to go.
*Do you feel like you’ve lost something (good or bad), or are missing out on something as a result of deconverting?
I feel like I’m losing some sort of lazy comfort and a whole lot of guilt.
*Did you gain something (good or bad) as a result of deconversion?
I gained an open mind and the ability to be honest with myself, which I cherish dearly.
Also, how would you feel about becoming religious again? Is that something that you’d prefer did/didn’t happen? etc.
If it does happen, it will be because I am no longer able to deal with real life. I would have to resort to petty fairy tales to deal with my problems. I will be just like the kids who believe The Force will solve all their problems. It will be a sad day and a personal failure. So I really hope it won’t happen again. I am an adult dammit, I can handle the truth.
I see it as Cypher asking Agent Smith to go back to the matrix because he cannot deal with the real world.
Christened Episcopalian, un-churched as a kid, teen, etc; joined a community, mainstream Prostestant church upon the birth of our first child. Said child is now 15. I am not sure what I am now. I no longer feel comfortable calling myself Christian–a change that has quickly developed over the last 6 months. I would say I am agnostic at this point.
NO. I looked at Christianity as a way of hope and good in the world. I was never a fervent believer and never a prosyletizer/evangelizer–they offend me beyond measure. I have never interpreted the Bible literally and do not teach my kids to do so. In fact, I am at odds with “my” church right now about how they are teaching kids about their spirituality.
I miss the music most of all. There is incredible strength and comfort in the old hymns, and of course, Bach etc–not so in the newer “praise” musice (IMO).
I miss being a part of a larger something. But I also realized that much of what goes on in church is a facade–there is a tremendous burden and not a little guilt put on the “flock” to do more, give more, take on more responsibilties. Basically I felt that it was too bad that I wanted to be a Mary–they wanted another Martha. So much for contemplation,learning, discussion and thought. <sigh>
A sense of myself–that I have a brain and that I can be a good person with morals and values w/o having a Christian construct. That I am on a spiritual path, as we all are–call it what you will. That other religions have alot to teach Christianity (and vice versa). Also, I never, ever have to staff a Sunday school class again, or make a million phone calls to fill a committee. Too much Martha-ing, I tells you. (nothing against it, and it needs to be done–I just felt it was all too much for me now. Requests by me to NOT serve in this way and declinations by me of suggestions of more work-ie, just saying NO- were not kindly received). Being told that declaring myself a 'secular humanist" was taking the easy way out didn’t help much in the Jesus department. As if loving and being involved in mankind is ever easy, no matter the route–sorry, OT>
I also gained the knowledge with which to stymie the more obnoxious Christians out there–a minor side effect, but a useful one. I do enjoy shutting one up with a pertinent chapter/verse.
I would be very careful and leery. Both my pastors are good, open minded people-for the most part. No hellfire here–but an expectation that once proclaimed, Jesus is it. I don’t see things that way–maybe I am just at a point where I want to explore the “menu” and then choose. I can see their point, but feel that other religions should be at least mentioned/referred to–something. I was an active member of a very liberal church that does do good in the community. If I can’t find my spot there, where the hell can I?
Like Fisherqueen I hope there is a beneficent Deity in the world. IMO, he wears a different face for each culture, but that’s just me.
What religion were you a part of, and what are you now?
Born and raised a Jehovah’s Witness; now an agnostic.
Did you consider yourself to be very religious before?
Yes. Kingdom Hall three times a week, plus door-to-door preaching work. When I was 11 or so, I started going door-to-door quite regularly, up to 60 hours a month in the summer. In retrospect, I can’t really say I believed, as I never really stopped to think if the explanations and interpretations I repeated made any sense to me; but such a lack of critical thinking was a product of being born into the church and their often overt discouragement of education/ college. I was very certain, I think that’s the best way to put it. Do you feel like you’ve lost something (good or bad), or are missing out on something as a result of deconverting?
The untouchable certainty is gone, which is good and bad; good because I feel I see the world in a much more vibrant way now. Bad because it still pisses me off just a bit that there are people out there who think I’ve fallen, and that I would have been better off getting married at 17 than going to college. And of course now I have doubt and worries about the world that I never did before.
The fear. I was one terrified kid. I was taught that we were living in the End Times, and that I would not enter into adulthood before this system would end. I’m still fearful in a lot of ways, but it’s getting better.
Neuroses. While I wouldn’t likely have been popular anyway, being a Witness as a child is an invitation for torment. I didn’t say the Pledge of Allegiance, and the kids stared at me more than the flag. I wasn’t allowed to be in choir because they sang holiday songs, and I always had to leave class for birthday parties, holiday parties. I was so happy when my fifth grade teacher said I could be a “Snow Girl” during the Christmas party…looking back, it’s really sad. Did you gain something (good or bad) as a result of deconversion?
Compassion. Looking back I feel that the compassion taught by the Witnesses was false: one was to be compassionate towards the worldly (read: nonbelievers) people, but it’s impossible to not feel superior when one believes they possess a divine truth that another does not. I am far more empathetic now.
A bit of a chip on my shoulder. Like FisherQueen, religious displays unnerve me. I try not to verbalize my feelings, but the more I learn about the Bible’s origins, the more I learn about the role religion has played in history, the more I learn period, the more angered I am by anti-humanist beliefs.
I hope that I will lose the bitterness, and people will stop doing dumb-ass things in the name of Christianity (take away women’s suffrage! no birth control!), and I can focus on my own life.
A life. Short of world peace, I wouldn’t trade my life now for my life then for anything.
Also, how would you feel about becoming religious again? Is that something that you’d prefer did/didn’t happen? etc.*
It will not happen. I may find some sort of spirituality in the future, but I will never be religious. (And I never say never…) To put it bluntly, religion holds nothing of interest to me, and becoming religious would mean the loss of what I hold dear, and what I have suffered greatly to discover in myself and the world.
***What religion were you a part of, and what are you now? **
Hinduism. I now consider myself atheist Hindu.
***Did you consider yourself to be very religious before? **
Yes. I took Brahmin vows, something girls really aren’t allowed to do. I studied to be a priestess, and only missed it because I didn’t want to learn Sanksrit. I wore the Brahmin thread. Luckily the temple I was in was very progresive.
***Do you feel like you’ve lost something (good or bad), or are missing out on something as a result of deconverting? **
Yes. I miss the sense of culture and community. I also miss the simple peace of being at temple, I still go there, but I don’t feel the same. I miss the rites & rituals.
*Did you gain something (good or bad) as a result of deconversion?
I’ve gained a great deal of knowledge. As a direct result of my deconversion, I read the Q’uran & the Bible, and studied the precepts of many other religions. I soul-searched a great deal, and gained maturity.
*** Also, how would you feel about becoming religious again? Is that something that you’d prefer did/didn’t happen? etc.**
It depends on what you mean by religious. Short of Krishna himself coming down and playing his flute for me, nothing, and I mean nothing! No other miracles! No other gods! Will ever make me believe & have faith again.
However. If you just mean be part of the community, it would be difficult since I am involved with someone who’s not Indian and who isn’t interested. I do go to temple every once in a while, but it’s different with no family structure to support you.
A sense of community. That was something that was very strong within the Church, and almost entirely absent from paganism. There’s no central gathering place, and meeting other local pagans who’re. . .how can I put this delicately. . .not batshit insane seems to be an exercise in futility. In that I’ve met…::counts reeaally high:: three. And I married one of them.
I also miss Mass, which is part of this, as well.
Yes. A sense of self. Peace. Faith that felt genuine and right-for-me. A faith that didn’t conflict with my own internal sense of right and wrong.
Well, to be fair, I am religious. Sometimes, though, I do have moments of fervently wishing that I could be part of a mainstream religion, just so I didn’t have to put up with all the BS that goes along with being a member of a newer or less-mainstream religion. If I don’t tell someone about my faith when they ask, then I’m hiding it and I’m ashamed. If I do, I’m being an attention whore. If I claim my faith is legitimate, there’s a hundred people saying it isn’t. I can take it, but, sometimes, I just think it’d be so much simpler if I could just be Catholic again.
Then again, I stick up for Catholicism, too, so I guess I can’t win.
A Christian sect definitely not in the mainstream. Saturday sabbath, no Christmas, no Easter, but Passover and the Feast of Tabernacles. Like I said, Christian. Now I’m an agnostic.
When I was a kid I wanted to be a preacher, just like my grandfather the apostle.
I’d say I lost a sense of security, except that insecurity was part and parcel of the teaching, the practice and the life. I lost the sense that everything I did, said or even though might doom me to the lake of fire. I lost the sense that the narrow, bigoted community I grew up with was all that was allowed, even though the people in “the world” seemed to be happier and having a lot more fun. The only good thing I lost was certainty. And maybe that wasn’t such a good thing after all.
I realized that however I ended up it wouldn’t be retribution for all those promises every boy makes to god and can’t keep. What a crappy thing to do to a kid.
That’s impossible. I learned the truth that was withheld thoroughout my childhood, and I can’t un-ring the bell.
I started attending a Presbyterian church around 15, and joined at 18; I chose atheism when I was about 21.
Yes.
I miss the fellowship, and the singing. I sometimes find myself singing some of those songs, only tinged with bitter irony.
Yes. i gained an integrity of mind that was absent when I forced myself to rationalize a benign god who tortures his creation. I’ll let my son fall, but I won’t let other kids push him down.
Never. My eyes have been opened, and I won’t willingly close them.
***What religion were you a part of, and what are you now? **
I wasn’t raised religious, but for about 10-12 years after Hight School, I was a heavy Pagan. I’m now an atheist. Or secular humanist, I guess is the term I prefer.
***Did you consider yourself to be very religious before? **
Pretty much - kept all the rituals, really felt I had faith.
***Do you feel like you’ve lost something (good or bad), or are missing out on something as a result of deconverting? **
Well, the good parties - apparently, Samhain was a blast this year. The regularity of it all, the routine.
***Did you gain something (good or bad) as a result of deconversion? **
Oh yes - more self-confidence, an even greater sense of oneness with the Universe. Losing a belief in magick and regained my belief in me.
*** Also, how would you feel about becoming religious again? Is that something that you’d prefer did/didn’t happen? etc.**
I could see myself becoming religious, but not any theistic religion. From the little I know of Zen, it seems attractive, but the discipline required seems…excessive.
