Who among us does not love crusty bread? But does it have to be so goddamned crusty you need a diamond saw to cut it? I think some American “boutique” bakeries heard that crusty bread is popular among the NPR/balsamic vinegar crowd, and jumped to the conclusion that the crustier, the better. Now you can only buy bread in two varieties: factory-made white marshmallowy loaves, or bread so hard you can drive a nail with it. Do people really enjoy biting into a sandwich and lacerating the roof of their mouth?
I’m also sick of restaurants that serve crunchy vegetables and pasta. Yeah, we get it, overcooked vegetables and soggy pasta are for the proletariat. Give it a break, please. If I want crudites, I’ll order crudites.
Hey! I like really crusty bread! And really crisp vegetables! And NPR! And balsamic vinegar (well, any vinegar, actually)! But I hate undercooked pasta. Does that redeem me?
…anyway. You might want to try, of all places, a local supermarket. I never seem to find hard enough bread there, even when I’m looking at the in-store made loaves. Some of them are kind-of crusty, though, so you might find that you like those.
Can I expand this rant to toasted sandwiches which also ravage my upper palate? BLTs, toasted tomato sandwiches; I love 'em all, but they rip up my mouth.
What the holy pooplord is wrong with balsamic vinegar? NPR, sure, it’s from the Devil’s own ass, but a little balsamic and olive oil to dip your crusty bread into is a damned fine thing.
National Public Radio.
I loves me some crusty bread, if it’s good bread. Crusty on the outside, soft and cottony on the inside, warm spread with melting butter. MMmmm…
Note: I am not, and never have been, employed by or affiliated with Boudin Bakery in any capacity. I just love their bread so much I dream about it at night! I ordered from them in December and when the loaves were delivered, I almost squealed like a pig. After heating them in the oven for 10 minutes, they were perfect!
When we went up to San Francisco last weekend, guess what we ate??? For two of the six meals we had on our trip? Yep, Boudin bread.
mmmmmm. crusty.
Oh, and yeah, toasted sourdough messes up my palate something fierce, especially when I’m eating it with melted swiss. I smile through my tears, though.
I like balsamic vinegar – not that colored vinegar crap, but aged, concentrated grape must from Modena. I can’t stand NPR, though. I like crusty bread, but you’re right about the palette lacerations. Ow, it hurts so good.
I love good fresh-baked bread, but I do think that some bakers take the hard crustiness a little too far. These “artisan breads” from places like Panera Bread (and even the supermarket) seem to be really trendy now, but I don’t like it when you take a bite and crumbs shatter and scatter everywhere, or it cuts your mouth open like a handful of Captain Crunch cereal. I think there’s a lot to be said for restraint in the crusty department. Give me some nice soft foccacia please, or you can never go wrong with bagels.
Good catch. I actually got it from the episode where they get trading cards and someone tries to chew the gum - “Ow! I cut myself!” But I think it was Milhouse, not Ralph.
Brutus:What the holy pooplord is wrong with balsamic vinegar? […] a little balsamic and olive oil to dip your crusty bread into is a damned fine thing.
[chants]
Brutus is a LIIIIIIB’-ral, Brutus is a LIIIIIIB’-ral…
[/chants]
Heh, I knew that conservative trick of trying to disparage liberals as a “cultural elite”, by associating them with lattes, Volvos, gourmet foods, and anything else slightly expensive or unusual, would come back to bite 'em in the ass one day.
(Now watch Brutus scramble to regain his conservative cred by protesting that crusty bread dipped in balsamic vinegar and olive oil is actually just hearty peasant fare rather than sissified liberal-food! ;))
I hate hard crusty bread. My dad always got bread that could be used as a suit of armour, if one had the technology to actually hollow it and bore out limb and head holes. Some futurists predict this will be possible perhaps around 2030 or 2040 or so.
I’m all about the nice soft bread. Most of my bread is in the form of soft hoagie rolls from the local supermarket’s bakery.
Thanks for that post, Kim – I’d read Brutus’s post, and was getting worried – it would make the fourth time I’ve agreed with him in 2005, and it’s not even February yet! I thought maybe somebody had slipped me a dose of CryptoConservative Virus at the last Dopefest, or something!
Hey, I like crusty bread, though I hate it when it hurts my mouth. I love balsamic vinegar, and, I listen almost exclusively to three radio stations, KCRW, KPCC, and KUSC. Two of those are NPR/PRI, and one is classical music. I am a member of the west coast liberal elite and proud of it. So there!
Pffft. Mussolini liked it. Well, I bet he liked it. And if it’s good enough for El Duce, it’s good enough for me!
Besides, I buy my olive oil and balsamic (among other things) at Trader Joes, which we all know is a, uhmmm, a ‘bastion of conservative ideology’.
Purchased any firearms lately? Do you root for the Peacekeepers when watching Farscape? Do you keep an ‘Enemies List’?
No? Ah well. That’s what happens when you trust Shodan with the secret Ronald Reagan Memorial Injecto-Ring. We’ll get deep-cover agent elucidator to administer the next dose…
I’ll carry this to potato chips. Specifically salt and vinegar potato chips. Here, it’s either Lays which are bland, or a variety of nice tasting kettle cooked chips which rip my mouth to shreds. Seriously. For a week after eating these, I’m picking shreds of flesh off the inside of my cheeks. Please, someone, put the good flavor on regular chips! Thank you in advance.
