So in today’s mail I get a beg letter from M. Gilles Savoie, Priest, (yes, that’s how he signed it), who is apparently moderator of our local Catholic parish.
What the fuck? What exactly did I do to give you the idea that 1) I’m Christian, 2) I’m a parishioner of yours, 3) I owe you a tithe? What was it? The fact that I’ve never been to a Mass? The fact that I’ve never dealt with you or with any of your representatives? The fact that I once visited the cathedral? What was it exactly?
You’re making an awfully goddamn large number of assumptions here, aren’t you, M. Gilles Savoie, Priest? “My” Christian community? “My” tithe? Suggested amounts of donation, even?!
This is worse than witnessing and trying to convert people into Catholics. This is assuming that everyone is already Catholic!
This is not the 1950s, Maurice Duplessis is no longer in power, you inhabit a multi-cultural society, and I’m afraid you cannot blandly assume that every person in the entire neighbourhood is a parishioner of yours!
You know, maybe if you weren’t sending out unsolicited beg letters to the entire neighbourhood, and you did what every other goddamn religion does and kept a list of your congregation or asked people for money who were already at your services instead, you would have more available money to spend on gilt ‘n’ guilt; then, you wouldn’t have to be asking for a tithe that size. Just a thought.
(I wonder if my parents got a letter like this. I wonder if it was addressed to “Dr. and Mrs.” like the Anglican Church did. I wonder if dr_mom_mcl had the same reaction as last time. )
Hey, sorry matt. I sold you out in one of my confessions. They threatened to excommunicate me if I didn’t provide a detailed list of Catholics I knew. I didn’t know anyone specifically, so I started rambling off Doper’s names. . .
He must’ve recently been at a World’s Fair or something. He said he was from the “Spanish Exposition”.
Tripler
Mira, padre. No hablo español.
Let me just say, I would pay good money to see the look on a priests face when he read that(yeah, as if a priest reads the responses to these letters, but it would be funny if they did.)
Well, gee, matt, my sweet, the nice lady at the park on Sunday came up to me, and with all of her Christian goodness, said, “I just wanted to tell you that our Lord Jesus is coming soon.” Now, really - how can you fault someone for being so good and kind and loving and stuff?
(Honest truth, by the way - it really happened. I think it was because we were having our volunteer recruitment picnic for our new sci-fi convention, Conjecture, and we had a big banner with an alien in the classic “Thinker” pose. Think so? I do. )
You got lucky. Typically for a tithe they expect 10% of your yearly income (tithe is Ye Olde Englishe for tenth). Ecclesiastical protection money, gotta love the Catholic Mafia.
This priest probably figured that a large proportion of your neighborhood is Catholic, so it was worth the shot to write everyone there and ask them for the tithe on the chance that they are Catholic. So just turn this around. I’ve read that many priests are gay (celibate, perhaps, but still homosexual in orientation). Write this priest on behalf of a gay rights organization. Tell him that he should pay his yearly dues.
My dad keeps all the flyers they stuff into bills - then when he pays the bills, he sends them back. He figures it jams up their machines and requires manual intervention.
I think City Gent has a wonderful idea, but I wouldn’t send the original letter back, I’d just copy it, changing only the words required, and send it back to Father.
Somewhat on the same subject, I just want to bring up one thing that really frosts my ass.
As a resident of the metropolis of New York, many of my friends, colleagues, and acquaintances are of the Jewish faith. (Almost none of them devout, of course, just good secular humanists like myself.) But many of them figure, since I don’t happen to be Jewish, I am, by default, Christian.
I have listened to many statements which started out with “You Christians…” almost none of which went on to say anything particularly gracious about Christians.
Excuse the fuck out of me. Last time I looked, being a Christian means expressing a belief and faith in a personal God, and further believing that Jesus of Nazareth was a supernatural figure sent to earth by the same personal God in order to effect the salvation of the human race and prepare the way for the entry of the deserving into the Kingdon of Heaven.
What did I do to give the impression that THAT is a creed I live by? Did someone paint a crucifix on my back when I wasn’t looking?
“Christian” is not a synonym for “Not Jewish,” okay? You don’t get to be Christian because your Momma was a Christian, okay? Why not assume I’m a Confucian, or a disciple of Kali?
– Ukulele “All the Major Western Religions Suck, Anyway” Ike
Certainly you wish to do your part for your Christian community, you are proud of it, and you want it to stay beautiful and in good health. We therefore suggest that you pay your tithe, which is $25 per family and $15 per worker.**
I kinda like the implied threat here. What will happen if you don’t pay the tithe? The Holy Ghost and Archangel Micheal will show up and break your kneecaps?
The fact that I once visited the cathedral?
Hrm… that must be it, when we visited the cathedral back in November. Those sneaky priests!
Fucking Christ, Matt, get over yourself. Are you upset that there is a Catholic Church near you? Are you upset that non-profit organizations send out mass mailings?
I received something the other day that started “My fellow Americans”. I didn’t get offended that they didn’t address the imigrant and legal alien populations, so I don’t have much sympathy for your pussy hurting so fucking badly over this.
Hey Beeblebrox, why don’t you get the fuck over yourself? This is the goddamn pit, where people can come in a rant about any trivial shit that they want? So what the hell do you care? What, does it piss you off cause an atheist is bitching about the Catholic Church passing the hat to everyone in the neighborhood? Personally, I agree with him. And no one is asking for your fucking sympathy.
Because this IS the pit, where Matt is free to bitch the Catholic Church’s postal persecution, I am free to tell him he is being an oversensitive pussy-wimp, you are free to tell me I’m a fuckwad, and I am free to tell you to suck my fat Freedom of Speech Loving Theistic Cock, you stupid fuck.
Bitching at a church for exercizing it’s freedom of speech in a bulk mailing is just whining.
)
)