In the NSFW Doper picture thread, a few Dopers described themselves as exhibitionist. Doc Cathode for instance.
I was wondering, what is the fun of being exhibitionistic? Is it the same feeling I have when I have pretty new clothes and go out to town to show them off?
Can a person be shy about their looks, or abot how they look naked, and still enjoy showing off their naked body?
I’ll bite as I’m an exhibitionist too. Enjoying other people watching you isn’t that tied to being happy about the way you look, it’s not like you think “I look so great I just want to go out and show it to all these people… without clothes!”. There are plenty of exhibitionists who aren’t conventionally good looking. It doesn’t even have to do with nudity.
Exhibitionism is mainly about being watched, just as voyeurism is about watching someone else. The knowledge that someone is watching you and enjoying what they see is a great thrill (and turn on). One of the reasons I quite like sex clubs is because you can be assured of an audience - it’s not a must but it can be nice. Again, this isn’t out of a need for attention (because it’s not the attention you like) it’s the being watched. There’s a big difference between being watched by a small group of people who are clearly enjoying what they see, sexually or not (very nice) to being on stage in front of a large number of people you’re not connected with (terrifying!).
That said you have to feel comfortable in yourself or you can’t enjoy displaying yourself. As I mentioned in the NSFW thread, one of the reasons I posted my pics was partly to show what I looked like minus the best part of 2 stone from the start of this year. In January there was NO WAY IN HELL I was taking my clothes of for anyone and wasn’t all that keen on looking in the mirror either, because I was painfully aware of how much weight I’d put on and how I didn’t look the way I used to.
Whilst I guess it’s theoretically possible to be shy one to one and an exhibitionist, I’ve yet to meet a self-described exhibitionist who wasn’t outgoing. I think it’s probably likely they’re linked.
Ha Illuminati, thanks for joining in!
Actually, your post makes the riddle even bigger. What if you cannot be certain that people will watch your picture with enjoyment? What if they don’t like what they see? What if they speak about you (generic you, not you personally) with disdain or ridicule, like some people did in the pit thread? Is that not even more terrifying then being onstage for a large group?
I’m exhibitionist on the Internet and not very outgoing in person. As blustery as I sometimes get online, I’m extremely uneasy at the thought of confrontation IRL. I don’t even like walking up to store clerks to ask for assistance. But since I got my new computer with built-in cam I’ve been flogging it online, both c2c (cam to cam) and on a public website. I am not comfortable with the shape that I’m in, having put on most of the weight I lost about eight years ago, but online I get a lot of positive feedback. I take pleasure in that and I also take pleasure in knowing that I’m turning other people on.
My pleasure - I guess the question was inadvertently aimed at me after all.
Well in the context of the internet it’s a bit different - certainly there’s an “audience of millions” but I’m not actually facing all of them in the flesh so it’s not a problem. I’m quite aware that some people didn’t like what I posted and as I said in the relevant thread, tough fucking shit. People had the opportunity to decide whether they viewed the pics or not - anyone stupid enough to go through all the stop signs to see something they didn’t like and then bitch about it (or even worse not do that but just bitch that it’s here in the first place because it in some way cheapens the forum) don’t have any sympathy from me. I also know others enjoyed it because they said so, and that made it all worth it.
The NSFW thread is actually the first instance of online exhibitionism I’ve participated in, I don’t cam or anything like that because it holds no interest for me. I want real people to be able to see me, hence again why I like sex clubs. The ultimate exhibitionist fantasy for me would be to be in a commercial porn film. It’s not enough to know that I’ve been filmed (I’ve already done that for “home entertainment” purposes), I’d want to know there are people out there who’ve paid to see me having sex and are enjoying it.
I can already feel some people recoiling from their monitors in horror at the very notion of this because for them it’s so completely alien, but we’re not all the same are we?
Illuminatiprimus has touched on a big part of why many exhibitionists get turned on by people seeing them naked/watching them fuck/whatever. Knowing that other people enjoy what they see is a bit of a thrill. That is why I was so tempted to post pictures in the NSFW thread (and eventually just emailed them to a few specific dopers who asked politely.) There is more to it than that for me but I find it difficult to explain. I mean, if you are turned on by feet or big tits or role play or whatever do you really understand why you think those things are sexy or is it more of an instinct?
I guess for me there is an element of danger/discovery to exhibitionism that I find exciting and erotic. If you happened to be wandering around the park* near my house at 9:30 last night you could very easily stumbled upon my boyfriend and I fucking around and the fact that someone could very easily have wandered by and seen us (but that it was late enough and secluded enough that we weren’t going to warp any children) is part of why it was so hot. I wish I could find a more eloquent way to explain it but to me it is just what turns me on and I consider myself lucky that I found a man who likes the idea of having sex in the back row of the bus or in the bathroom at the bar instead of one who is repulsed by the idea.
Does that answer your question at all?
*It is a huge city park with mostly beautiful plant life and a museum, no playground or child-friendly areas. I was not getting off on the teeter-totter or anything, I promise.
Yeah, that sounds about right. Although sometimes I just like hanging out naked with some friends. It’s comfortable. I’m mostly an exhibitionist in a BDSM context. It’s not so much my body in and of itself that I’m showing off as my skills, or how great a bottom my partner is, or how great a bottom I am (depending on who’s topping whom).
I’m fat and I know that many (most?) people won’t find my naked body sexy. If I was at a party where most of the people were young and attractive and “normal”, I’d be pretty reluctant to get naked because I would assume that people would judge me negatively. But the parties I go to have people of all ages and sizes and weird fetishes, so I feel comfortable getting naked there, and I enjoy it when they get naked. Popular culture only gives young, fit, attractive people the right to feel sexy or act sexually; everyone else is considered disgusting and fair game for mockery and derision. I find it immensely enjoyable to show my body to people who appreciate it for what it is, and to see other people who are comfortable in their own skin and give them the same approval. It’s fun because we’re not “supposed” to be doing it. It’s not a sexual turn-on for me, though, just something that makes me happy.
You’ve taken a public space that all citizens should have a right to enjoy (even at the not very unconscionable time for children to be out of 9:30 PM), and you’ve tried to interject your sexuality in an inappropriate fashion into the rest of our lives. Excuse us for wanting to throw up.
I do not want to deal with anyone’s bodily fluids on a bus seat or in a bathroom.
You’re the ethical equivalent of some disgusting, pathetic 50 year old pervert flashing his genitals at young women.
I really take no offense to the NSFW thread. I feel it was sort of immature, but people going in there knew what they were getting into. If people wish to indulge their exhibitionist fetish with consenting adults as with that thread, I have no problem with it. You’ve done something else entirely.
I’ve always cleaned up after myself (and I’m sorry, but you don’t want bodily fluids in the bathroom? What do you use it for, cooking?) and I’ve always been careful to be sure that, though there is a possibility I could be caught, the odds are good that I won’t be caught. Being arrested would kind of kill the sexy.
And I always have protected sex and take the condoms with me to dispose of them properly so the odds of you coming in contact with any fluid of mine or my boyfriend’s are very minimal. The park that I referred to is vacant after about 7 pm and we were very secluded, unlike the stoners smoking pot and leaving their trash around in the middle of the path at the entrance to the park.
I was simply trying to explain exhibitionism to people who might not understand and want a bit more information about it. I hope people are more kind to you about your fetishes than you are to others about theirs. I would really appreciate it if you would keep that in mind and tone down the personal attacks.
[Mod Hat On]This is not The BBQ Pit. I’m not saying you shouldn’t react as you did, but I am saying you should have taken it to the proper forum.[/Mod Hat On]
I’m sorry, I should have been more mindful of the forum.
pbbth may not be a jerk, but I would define what she has described as jerkish behavior in that it transgresses generally agreed upon social boundaries for personal benefit. If talking loudly on a cell phone on a bus or in a park is a social faux pas, then certainly having sex in the same situation is also outside the boundaries of polite society.
It isn’t altogether surprising that people follow posts in this forum about any behavior with commentary on such behavior, so for the moment I’ll avoid hypothesizing how I might feel about other people judging my sexual interests which I have opted not to share.
There’s no sense in arguing that particulars of your behavior because you were the only one from this board that was there. I’ll take at face value your claim that there was little chance of actively intruding on others, and thank you for your consideration in properly disposing of the condoms.
I can’t explain it. I simply love people (willing adults who have given their informed consent) to see me naked. I can’t explain why I love chocolate either. I just do.
I do not like people to see my whole body. In particular I am not proud of my stomach or buttocks.
The experience, for me anyway, is enhanced by seeing the reaction of the viewer. So , while I wanted artistic critiques of the photographs I posted, I also welcome other varieties of comments. I’m disappointed that less than a handful of posters have chosen to e-mail or private message me.
Without wanting to pass judgment, positive or negative, on pbbth’s sexual habits, I’ll just say this: if you see a park bench, chances are somebody’s been a-fuckin’ on it recently.
And any kid wandering around a public park at 9:30 p.m. has certainly seen much more graphic stuff than consensual sex.
Given that the issue is being privy to something you’ve not only no interest in but are unable to opt out of, if something is being done between consenting legal adults, and you’re unaware of it, how have you opted into it? I’d think the loud cell phone conversation in an enclosed space would be a lot more intrusive than the sex you don’t know about except that the parties involved told you, and the same with a cell phone conversation in a large public place.
I have no interest in happening upon people discreetly having sex (if they caught me watching, would they like that? I’d think they’d have opted out of being allowed to complain, but logic and hormones are like oil and water …), but so long as I don’t encounter it, and only read about how someone did it somewhere else and nobody was harmed, … so?