Until I came to live with my now wife I always thought people who talked to themselves were mentally ill. But she does, and she is not.
When the both of us sit at our desks and work at something (me, usually when working from home) my wife often goes “should I accept that invitation? I’d miss that qigong session then. … What lamp do I prefer, this one or that one? … I don’t understand [friend] not just going to the doctor with [symptom]. …”
When I ask her to clarify, or if my input is desired, she says “I was just taking to myself”. I have asked her “Why don’t you just think to yourself, then?” - she says she needs to talk. (frankly it’s bloody distracting to me because I cannot understand being in a room with exactly one other person, not being on the phone, and talking, but not to that other person who is the only one within hearing distance. I can mentally tune out a radio program because it makes sense that the person on the radio is not talking to me personally, but I cannot tune out my wife talking when I am the only person she could be talking to).
I can understand people thinking, and examining and reexaminining their own thoughts, but I cannot understand why they take the detour thought → language → speech → vocalisation → air gap/bone conduction → hearing → speech → language → thought - why don’t they just examine the thought that’s already sitting there in their mind?
Do some people really need to put their thoughts into language to think them? When a person’s thoughts are represented as a thought bubble in a comic, is the person assumed to think the actual words in the thought bubble, e.g. the words “I”, “am”, “very”, “hungry” in that sequence? (I don’t think I think any words then, I just longingly imagine sitting down to a good meal and taking a good breath through the nose to smell the food. When I say “I am very hungry” this is not because I think that thought but because I am asking the person I am talking to do something about that).
My wife does this, too. The situation is exacerbated by my poor hearing, since she typically talks to herself soto voce and it’s not at all clear to me that it’s a “conversation” that doesn’t require my participation. I just hear her say something, tell her I didn’t hear her, and she says, “I was just talking to myself.”
It’s flaws like this that make for friction in a household with someone as perfect as I.
I live alone, see other people very rarely. Talking to myself has gone from a habit I was trying to break to something I now just accept and have no interest in stopping.
It just seems to me that following a complex train of thought becomes easier with a little audio cue added in.
OP—what about singing or whistling? Do you do either of those for your own diversion (rather than as a performance for others)?
And what about facial expression when you’re alone? Do you sometimes narrow your eyes, roll your eyes, scrunch your face? Smile? Is that substantively different than talking to yourself?
I asked a friend who constantly talked to himself who he was having a conversation with. He said his demons, so I told him my demons say hi and left it at that.
I used to work with a woman who talked to herself all day long. We were in a cube farm, so occasionally someone would say, “what did you say?”, to which she often replied, “I was just talking to myself”.
Of course, when she did try to talk to someone across the cubicles and got no answer she would get peeved.
I’m so glad to see this thread. I used to need to verbalize complex problems at work and so I would call over one of my co-workers to stand in front of me while I vocalized the issue and almost without fail the solution would appear to me with no input from the poor listener. But this was as far as it went.
Until recently.
It has gotten very bad for me and I can’t seem to stop it. It’s especially bad at the grocery store. I walk through the store mumbling out loud about whether I should get eggs or milk or whatever. I’ve considered whether I should discuss the matter with my doctor. I know people must think I’m crazy. I may have to start wearing ear buds so at least they’ll think I’m on the phone.
I try hard not to do it, but can’t make myself stop. I don’t understand it at all and it’s very frustrating for me. Since I live alone, I have been sort of attributing it to loneliness, but I don’t really think that explains it.
A fairly large chunk of our brain is devoted to language processing. And if you’re going to engage that part of your brain, it’s easiest to do so by using it for what it’s evolved for, i.e., talking. To use the speech parts of your brain without actually talking requires more effort, which defeats the purpose of using more of your brain.
I think that might depend on what the thoughts are. I don’t think I have to think in words if I’m hungry or thirsty or in pain - but I use words when trying to decide what to eat and I surely thought in words while writing this post
My ex believed talking to yourself was a sign of being crazy, but I didn’t care. (Maybe that’s one reason why she is my ex? ) In my mind, the more senses that we can involve in something helps one to either troubleshoot or focus on the task at hand.
Instead of feeling ashamed, I say: embrace it! Hell, have whole conversations with yourself if you want to (I do that, just not usually in public). You are (or should be) your own best friend, after all. Why not keep that relationship healthy?
I frequently talk to myself when I’m trying to work something out or if I’m doing a routine task but only if I’m alone. The vocalizing really helps me concentrate on a complex problem or, conversely, helps me keep my brain occupied while I do something boring. The best way to get me to clean house is to clear all the people out of it for a day so I can carry on muttering to myself without an audience.
I have sort of that issue. She doesn’t talk to herself too much.
But the tone & volume she uses to actually address me from across the room are about the same as when she’s muttering to herself. Along about the end of her second sentence I realize that [whatever] really was addressed to me. But alas my hearing isn’t good enough for me to “replay the tape” in my head to figure what was said before my attention tuned into her. The tape simply reads “Blah blah Ginger. Blah blah blah … tomorrow”
So I have to ask "Was that for me and if so try again? All I got was ‘… tomorrow’. " Then listen to her enunciate the crap out of her words in a much louder voice while being annoyed. Sigh. She used to be a teacher and her “Now class, I’m in command here” voice is very effective. Which is to say it triggers strong emotions even if that’s not the actual intent. Sigh again.
As to folks who talk to problem solve …
I find as I get older and spend more of my life online, it’s harder to concentrate. I’m often composing a Dope post while brushing my teeth, cooking breakfast, driving, etc. In other words, my mind is often obviously and consciously preoccupied with irrelevant thoughts while I’m doing something concrete w hands & body. The total opposite of the Zen ideal of “being in the moment”.
If I have to solve a problem or perform an intricate task, the act of mentally verbalizing my steps helps crowd out that mistaken “multi-tasking” that no human can actually do well. That rarely leaks out into me actually voicing my thoughts or steps. I can’t honestly say “never happens”, but it is rare. But I do catch myself moving my lips or making conversational gestures during an internal simulated conversation with someone from time to time. So whatever internal mental dam I have that’s separating internal thought from externally observable action is starting to show cracks.
I hope not to be one of those irritating old folks who talks to themselves, chews the air while walking or sitting, & moves lips while reading. But my trajectory is pointed sorta in that direction. Damn.
Mr. brown also does the thinking-out-loud thing. It’s a stream of consciousness narrative of his thoughts and it goes on all. day. long. I’ve learned to block it out in order to retain my sanity, but occasionally a sentence is actually addressed to me, and that gets blocked out too. And, like some of your SOs discussed above, he gets pissed that I didn’t hear him.
Alcohol increases the quantity, volume, and quality of the chatter, too.
) In my mind, the more senses that we can involve in something helps one to either troubleshoot or focus on the task at hand.
