Be willing to laugh. If you take it too seriously you will cause way too much pressure on the situation as a whole. Occasionally during sex (and quite often the first time you have sex with someone) you end up in positions that don’t exactly work or you go to kiss her just as she smiles so you end up kissing her teeth or whatever. It is awkward, yes, but also hilarious. Be willing to laugh when you bonk your head on the wall and everything else will fall into place.
This is wisdom. Let’s face it the first time you ever even kiss someone new is likely to be a mutually confusing experience - aargh bumped teeth, too much tongue, too little tongue!!! Just go with the flow, laugh and have a good time and remember that there are two nervous parties involved. If it’s possible that she’s coming back to your place make sure that you’ve got clean and warm towels readily accessible from the shower (and make sure that your bathroom and kitchen are spotlessly clean!), some tasty snacks and/or drinks for some nice breakfast in the morning. Breakfast in bed is always a winner - just don’t make bacon for someone who has told you less than 24 hours before that she is vegetarian. Reader, I didn’t marry her.
Rule #1: Don’t bring cribnotes, it’s a turnoff. You must commit all these excellent tips to memory.
Rule #2: All the unconventional stuff, like bondage balls, golden showers, or parading around in her lingerie, should be reserved for the second date.
Rule #3: Alcohol or other mind-altering substances should be used with gusto. The more the merrier.
Rule #4: Don’t share your bizarre sexual fantasies with your date, at least until she’s properly vetted. Especially those involving farm animals, your mother, or group sex.
I’ll third this.
Hell, I’ll fourth it too.
Why must you tempt fate so?
You’re right. I’m sorry I ever said anything about the melty man.
“Melty Man.” Heh heh heh. That made me chuckle out loud.
OP, since its been 24 hours, I hope you’re on your way to bumping uglies as we speak. As for whipping out your bag of tricks the first time, you must be WAY more secure in yourself than I am. First times have me thinking ‘OMG… is my boob flopping about too much? ACK did I just FART?!? Does he want me to move more? Less? If I position my leg just so, it makes my thigh look thinner…’ and on and on. Never mind bag 'o tricks… the simple act itself is stressful enough. :smack:
I got a sweater for my birthday. I wanted a screamer.
The one rule I always tried to go by is ‘If you smoke after sex, you’re doing it too fast…’
He didn’t say on the mouth. What gave you that idea? You were thinking it, weren’t you? Tsk, tsk.
(Catches Chimera looking like a deer in headlights, holding a bunch of small pieces of paper.)
Ummm…sorry. I’ll put these away now.
#1: Be CLEAN!
You can be all hot and sweaty, but if I reach down there and my hand sticks fast, or comes away with small bits of toilet paper or a serious funk…
I’ll second this. I recently had first-time sex with a long-time crush and he kept asking me what I liked. NO QUIZZES! It just put me on the spot and made me more nervous.
- The lady always comes first.
- When in doubt, refer to guideline 1.
So Atomicktom, how’d it go?
This is terrible advice. You’ve got all the pressure of having sex for the first time with this person and the possibility of performance anxiety that comes along with that, and you think he should be drinking alcohol which is a known limp noodle producer as well? Alcohol interferes with proper sexual responses (for men and women). I do not recommend it at all.
My advice would be, remember that this is your first time together, and it might not be scorching hot magic right away. That just means you have to practice more.
Well, the information in this thread is appreciated, but wasn’t needed
(my social life gets more sordid each day).
So you felt the need to be cryptic about it? Needed because you pulled it off without a hitch or because nothing happened? Sordid in a good or bad way?
I really didn’t mean to make this thread about my dating life. The fact that I had sort of something going on with this girl raised the question in my mind, but I was trying for a generic, light-hearted poll about sexual practices (which seem popular on this board). Thus, I was going for a little “over the top” in my OP and subsequent posts - in truth, I didn’t altogether expect to get laid this weekend.
But, since I did bring up the subject, I guess I owe a synopsis. There’s this girl at work (before you roll your eyes about “dipping your pen in company ink”, it gets worse)…she’s really cute and funny, and has a bit of a deviant side (some revealing tattoos and a propensity for really high heeled stilletto shoes).
After making small talk on a couple of Saturdays (when the office was largely empty), she invited me to go to the beach with her. The next 2 Saturdays, we ended up hanging out, although we never made it to the beach (the weather sucked). Still, we seemed to hit it off; the first time, we ended up having lunch for about 4 hours. The next time, we went to a matinee and had a nice, deep kiss right after the movie ended. So far, so good.
Based on the progress we were making, I made plans for a Friday night. That didn’t happen though, because she made a last minute change of plans to help her roommate with something to do with the house (I’m still not clear what it was; something about making a mess with a wood sander). She asked for a rain check, so we made follow up plans for the next weekend. That fell through, though, because she told me she had taken a second job and had to work.
At this point, I gave up.
Then…after not speaking with her for about a week (I’ve moved offices, and we now work on different floors, so we don’t interact at work), she came into my office late one afternoon and, without a word, closed my door, straddled my lap, and proceeded to give me another nice, deep kiss.
We followed up with a conversation about how busy she had been. Apparently, she was recently arrested for a DUI (I hear that it is her 4th, but the source is slightly dubious, being another girl in the office I once dated - this is the sordid part I alluded to, and I realize it’s stupid. My social skills suck!) and is now on probation (she even has a breathalizer installed in her car, and needs to blow* to get it started). To pay for the lawyer she hired, and the probation she’s on, she’s taken a night job, working as a stripper :eek: (I told you it gets worse), which is why she had to cancel last Friday.
Anyway, she assured me she was free on Saturday. On Friday, she sent me a text message confirming our plans, and added a picture with the caption “wish you were here”. I’m stupid enough to take her at her word, so I playfully posted this thread in anticipation of actually going out on Saturday.
Well, Saturday night didn’t happen. I’m not really sure what the excuse is, because I didn’t bother to ask (I left it at a text, saying “you really give mixed signals. Too bad, since I did enjoy spending time with you”). There’s another girl (a very pretty, well-to-do attorney) that I see in court a lot who has described me as “fuckable” (per the grapevine). And there’s another girl I frequently see at my Tuesday attorney meetings (sort of a networking thing) who’s potentially available. So, I’m not too upset over it. Besides, even I know that trying to score with the felonious stripper while my ex-gf looks on disapprovingly isn’t the smartest move to make, career-wise.
Anyway, that’s my story. How’s your love life?
Wow. It sounds like an episode of Mad Men.
Thank you for making my frustrating, unfufilled personal life sound cool. You made my night.