Explain to me "first sex" etiquette (need answer fast, I hope)

So, I’ve sort of started seeing a girl, and we’re getting together tomorrow night. On the off chance that I get lucky, I’m curious about the Dope consensus on the appropriate etiquette associated with that initial act.

I’m not talking about virginity sex (neither she nor I are virgins). I’m talking instead about the first time you knock boots with this particular person. Similarly, I’m not asking about pre or post coital small talk. Instead, I’m talking about what you think is appropriate during the act.

First time: oral sex? doggie style? Lots of moans, or do you keep it under wraps?

My thoughts: go overboard on the oral sex (especially as a man going down on a woman; yes, your neck is going to get sore. But, it’s good to lay the groundwork for reciprocation later on :D). Don’t go too crazy on the positions; missionary and cow girl are good. Asking her to turn over, or put her legs behind her ears, should probably wait. A few choice "ooooh, you’re so hot!"s are good, but save the really kinky talk (nothing about anybody’s momma or daddy). Squeeze the ass? yes. Spank the ass? no.

Of course, if you, esteemed reader, are a female, and you want to balance upside down with your head hanging off the edge of the couch, while digging your nails into my back, and begging me to fuck you harder, well…Emily Post would be proud.

What say you?

I think you worry too much. I’m hoping that you are much more mellow during the actual sex, lest the melty man cometh.

To actually answer your question, it’s all about communication really. Lots or oral sex could be great, or she could be the rare girl who’s not that into it. Maybe she likes freaky positions. Honestly, there’s no point in people giving you advice unless you purely take it as a general guideline.

And why did you say ‘on the off chance I get lucky.’ If you want to get laid, that’s not the attitude I would have about it (or at least I would try not to have that attitude.)

I have no advice other than the catch-all for any social situation: “Be yourself.” I suppose the Golden Rule might apply as well.

(Really, I just wanted to say that the thread title is the funniest I’ve seen here in years.)

Thanks for the responses. This thread wasn’t really meant as “gee, I hope I get laid tomorrow, and I’m worried how I’ll do.” It was more meant as a poll about how much of your bag of tricks you whip out the first time. Exactly how long before you offer to stick your tonque in her asshole?

If I need my bag of tricks the first time, there is no first time. If he needs his back of tricks, also, no first time. The first time is for being swept away. Or not.

If you ain’t sweatin’, you ain’t doin’ it right.

Go with the flow and just do what seems to work at the time. I’ve done everything on a first time from oral only to full on sex to bondage to other acts that are probably illegal in several states.

Heres some advice not just for “first sex” but for every single sexual encounter for the rest of your life: fuck her like you are never going to fuck anyone else ever again. You will have no complaints, ever.

</irony> :smiley:

Start with kissing.

On the MOUTH? That’s disgusting.

Sailing the crimson tide on the first fuck? You sir are a brave man.

Be verbal – ask the other person if they like what you’re doing.

Do unto her whatsoever she is willing to do unto you.

I understand communication is important, blah, blah, blah.

If you are doing it correctly, whatever “it” may be, *I’m not going to be able to form coherent thoughts, let alone be able to use words.
If you are doing it incorrectly, I/we will make adjustments to improve the situation, leading once again to incoherence.

Nothing more irritating than someone asking questions during sex.

Sex now, talk later.

Why would you say that? To even mention the melty man is just cruel. Words mean things!

I hate to be lame and say “Plus 1” or whatever, but this is some excellent advice.

It is good advice, although (to me) it kind of conjures up images of ravishing the poor girl while she wonders what she did to upset you. I would agree with the “don’t talk” advice, and I would add on a listen. Just listen to how she’s reacting, and you should get a pretty good idea of what she likes. Remember, everybody’s different, and she might not be into whatever the last girl was.

Also, if you play nice you might be able to try again in ten minutes or so. :wink:

That’s why having sex with an optometrist is so bad. It’s always, “better like this? Or better like this?”

Definitely slap her ass.