This thread got me thinking. It’s about older guys who are bad kissers. This got me kind of worried. You see, I’m 27 years old and have had exactly one physical encounter with a woman (this was a year ago and mainly involved kissing). I’m afraid that since I have got such a late start I will be hopelessly behind in kissing skills, not to mention other sex and dating skills. I don’t suppose there is any substitute for actual experience, but whatever advice people (especially women) can give I would greatly appreciate.
I’m glad that the one woman I have kissed was willing to teach me. Even though things didn’t work out, I’m grateful to her for that.
If it makes you feel any better, plenty of guys who got their start back when they were thirteen or so make lousy lovers, judged on scores of conversations with women (who for some unearthly reason seem to want to tell me this stuff. I can’t figure out why.).
From what I’ve gathered, being a good lover is as much of who you are as what you do. Are you a self-absorbed, impatient little sod? That’s going to come through in your love-making technique. Are you a sensitive, patient, caring, unselfish guy? That’s going to come through, too.
I’m no Mick Jagger, but I’ve had my share, and I feel qualified to give you this advice. Just go with the flow, and if you really have no idea what you’re doing . . . ask. Just ask. “How do you like this?” “What would make you happy?” Be yourself, don’t try to come off as some John Holmes fuck machine, and when you do land the right woman, I’ll bet ten against your five that she’ll really appreciate it. Oh, and it helps if you’re a fast learner.
As a final thought, I’d say the mere fact that you’re thinking about this is a big sign in your favor. Happy hunting!
I got a late start too. Don’t worry about it. If you find the right person, she’ll be patient. In my (limited) experience, kissing and love making in general is a little bit of skill, but mostly raw ability. That is, some people will be good at it with only a little practice, and others will never be very good at it. You learn 90% of it in the first month of steady practicing. If you are inexperienced, you will need time to learn again with each new person; I think what you get from experience is the ability to “sync” with someone right away without any fumbling. So in other words, it’s comparable to learning to drive a car.
Thank you LF, LOAP, and jd for your replies, I take them very much to heart. In many ways, the only reason I even managed to have one night of kissing is because I had started to realize some of the things you are saying.
I liked LintyFresh’s advice about licking your lips, it’s the same advice given to harmonica players (and easy to forget). (I think perhaps the harmonica is good practice for kissing in general. You develop good motor control with your tongue and the movements can be very subtle.)
Something else that has not been mentioned yet is that the more you do it the better you will get because you will discover what she likes and doesn’t like. Remember that this discovery phase is half the fun.
Oops, sorry. Seriously though, should you lick her lips? It seems like that might be one of the overly eacer things to do. I know that you were joking, but is that a joke with a grain of truth in it?
Thanks to you for replying and to the OP for starting this thread. I was wondering about this myself… and if you thought being 27 and uncertain about the best thing to do is embarassing, try being over 40!
Yeah, first kisses are a little overrated. Yes, there’s the tension and buildup leading to it, which can feel pretty good, but you’re usually so worried about not screwing it up that it’s hard to really enjoy it. The more you kiss, the more you adjust to your partner’s kisses, and things keep getting better and better until you’re making her toes squinch up with every single kiss.
Best of luck to you, sjc.
Oh, and licking her lips? Maybe not on the first try, but once you guys are comfortable with the smooching, give it a shot. French kissing doesn’t just mean poking her tonsils, you know. The tongue can do so much.
My god, WHY are the Google Ads in this thread about Suicide!?
In a lot of TV and movies, you see people give horrible kisses. Don’t necessarily try to emulate the ones that have the wide open mouth and gasping every half second. It’s not that attractive to kiss someone who looks like a fish out of water, but for some reason, this is the “passionate” kiss I seem to see on a lot of shows. Maybe other people like it, but it bothers me!
A little bit of tongue is nice, but don’t shove the whole thing into a girl’s mouth…yuck. And if you bang teeth, it hurts and it’s embarassing, but it’s also funny, and you can just offer to “kiss it better”!
It’s awfully nice to kiss someone who pays attention to your cues and follows your lead. In other words, if she’s kissing softly, echo that. Listen!
If she’s climbing you like a ladder, it might be time to get a little more aggressive back. Personally, I never mind leading (about half the time anyway.) There’s something dead sexy about a man who gives you what you want.
Is there any time guys stop looking for a perfect smokin’ hot model type chick and realize that the girl-next-door best friend type is good too? Guys have this thing where they find me a good friend and can confide in me about girls and spend hours spooging at me about how wonderful their girlfriend is, but I’m never the one getting spooged on about.
I’m sorry to hear that (though I don’t know that getting spooged on sounds all that pleasant, at least if you don’t know the person well). Personally I think I like your type better. In any case, I tend to fall for the non-model types.
Model types scare me, or rather I am afraid to approach them and think they wouldn’t give me the time of day (and I am rarely able to get to know them well enough to really be attracted to them). I do better with more down to earth people, but I have a very difficult time deciding if they are attracted to me. In either case things haven’t worked out.
One of my lovers did this, and I hated it. *Hated it. *First kisses are dry, damnit! whatever happened to build-up? I started to give increasingly lightning-fast pecks, because once he had wetted his lips, I didn’t want to kiss him again untill his lips were dry again.
But to the OP: well, ask the expert. I’ve found Lou Pagets’ booksto be among the best sexually “how to” books I’ ve read. Informative, explicit, concrete and, in the books on how to please women, with plenty of attention to things like setting the mood.
Re the wet lips: dry-need-cocoa-now lips are bad. Wet lips should be a consequence of the kiss (and not always). Having to wipe drool off your mouth after a kiss is bad. IMO, YMMV.
Being tentative on first kisses (et, uhm, al) is good. Even if you’d been with a zillion women, each person likes different things. It’s like those threads about loving your kids we’ve had recently: people are people, all individual, all different. We’re not Lego pieces. A person who likes it rough will be a good fit for a person who likes it rough; a person who likes it soft is a good fit for a person who likes it soft.
Learn what you like, too. When you decide to try something, “listen” to her reaction (which of course may not be verbal, specially if her mouth’s busy, teehee); when she tries something, be sincere about yours I try to repeat and do variations on the stuff I see he likes; it’s nice when he does the same for me.
I try to repeat and do variations on the stuff I see he likes; it’s nice when he does the same for me.