Help a lonely guy out, ladies.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Alright, women of the SDMB, I got a problem and I need your help.

I’m a bad kisser.

There, I’ve said it.

Okay, so I don’t know if I’m a bad kisser or not. But I think I am. And it’s holding me back.

Here’s the real problem. I went to a small HS with a very limited dating pool. I was also kind of an outcast for most of the time. Because of this, I have NO experience with the, er, finer arts. I’ve only kissed two girls, and both times, I’ve been drunk. Never kissed anyone sober, not a real kiss, anyway. Friend/relative stuff, yeah. But not a real, passionate, knock your socks off type kiss. So I have no technique, and this really holds me back. I’m now in college, and there are lots of girls who I could get with, but I’m so self concious of my technique (or lack thereof) that I can’t bring myself to go for it.

I’ve told you all about this russian girl I have a thing for, and I think we’re hitting it off really well. I’ve had chance after chance to kiss her, and I’m pretty sure she wants me to, but I’m afraid to do it. She’s alot more, er, experienced than I, and I’m afraid of what would happen if I tried something. It’s not like I can just sit down and explain the problem to her, what if I’m getting the wrong signal and she’s like, “uh, thanks for sharing, but I should care why?”

So, ladies, should I just bite my lip and go in for it, and damn the consequences, or what? This is really quite embarrassing to talk about in real life, so it’s not like I can just ask one of my good female friends for some help.

Also ladies, PS, what would YOU do in her situation? If this guy you liked kissed you, and he was terrible, what would you do?

–Tim

2

** Tim!! ** It’s nice to see you! How’s your summer going, have you gone to the camp you were talking about earlier??

My husband was a horrible kisser, I just kept teaching him how, and he finally got the hang of it. So, no, it didn’t turn me off. And that is an excellent reason to really get to know someone so that they care about YOU more than just the kiss.

I know it sounds stupid, but hey, I’m going to tell you anyway. I worried about knowing how to kiss when I was around ten years old. I started practicing on the back of my hand. You know, keeping teeth covered, just the right amount of soft and resistance? I won’t tell on you if you give it a try!

The most important thing is, you sound like a warm, wonderful guy, and there is a girl that will appreciate your fine qualities. Maybe it’s the Russian girl, but maybe not. Just relax, and be yourself, and have fun too!

3

I was a terrible kisser when I met my wife. Fortunately, she was determined enough to teach me how she liked being kissed.

It might, as in my case, not be a problem. Is it possible you could ask any of these female friends for practice? At least you could ask them about guys they’ve kissed in the past and what they liked and didn’t like.

You can actually talk to guy friends too about this, although if you live in the USA, asking them for practice might be dangerous; it seems that when it comes to what people like in kissing and sex, the difference between genders is not that great.

On the other hand, certain kissing problems are more common among guys — for example, kissing much too roughly, slobbering all over your date’s face, and sticking your tongue down their throat.

It’s sort of hard to explain what makes a good kiss, and there’s more than one kind. I really like the kind where you’re sort of caressing each other’s lips and gently sucking on them a little bit. :wink:

4

Thanks for the replies so far.

Anyways, Anti, what we’re doing is taking the summer off. Me and a friend are getting student loans (haha! To abuse the government!) and taking the summer at the lake in an apartment. We figure 5k should get us through. Besides, I have no loans, I’m all on scholarships, so I’m not really worried about being overwhelmed when I graduate. We’re probably leaving at the end of the month. Thanks for your concern. :slight_smile:

–Tim

5

Oh yes! I couldn’t agree more.

It seems like guys have seen too many movies and think that the “movie-star kiss” is the thing to do! No way. Yecch. That is the biggest turn-off. Even if I really like a guy, the last thing I want on the first kiss is his tongue on my tonsils.

Even though Darva Conger is a big ol’ hypocrite, I can see why she said that she didn’t like Rick Rockwell’s first kiss. He looked like he was bobbing for apples. Yuck!

My suggestion–give the Russian girl a little kiss on the lips. Yup, just like you would give your gramma–but on the lips. (If you kiss your gramma on the lips, I don’t wanna know.) Anyway, she will probably kiss you back, and if she is really more experienced, she will, um, take the lead.

General advice: Hold back. Leave her wanting more. Don’t try to run the bases right away. It will be hard at first, but a small investment in restraint at the beginning can lead to a big payoff at the end.

6

Just make sure you don’t slobber. Excess saliva has been the culprit in bad kisses for years. And excess tounge. Come to think of it, go minimalist, and you’ll be fine. Let HER up the ante.

7

Sounds like a great pick up line to me! “I, umm, I think I’m a bad kisser, and I’d really like it if you’d teach me how.”

If this girl likes you at all, she’ll swoon all over you…

8

Yep, I agree with you Swimming. Nice dry kisses should do the trick. All lips.

9

Now I don’t know how this girl is, but I have to agree with Athena on this one. Honesty is so very attractive and I think that if you were in the right situation and simply said, “You know, I’ve been wanting to kiss you for so long. It’s just that, aw hell, I don’t have much experience. Would you teach me?” If you’ve spent any time with her and told her anything about yourself, she won’t be taken aback at all. I would be honored to know that somebody was thinking about my feelings and not getting their own rocks off. And maybe she doesn’t have so much experience either? Sounds like a fun way to spend an evening. Kissing 101. Student-teacher ratio is 1:1.
Good luck, but by the sounds of it, you won’t need it.

10

Well I am a guy, but I have actually had past girlfriends talking to each other about how good a kisser I am so maybe I can say something that will help you.

First off: fresh breath. Toothpaste, mouthwash or at least chew some refreshing tasting gum if at all possible. At least avoid onions, jalapenos, bleu cheese dressing and cigarettes.

Next: The lips are very sensitive and if you use them to explore a woman’s lips and chin, cheek, throat etc. you will drive her wild. Start with small kisses like you might give your mother or aunt, but linger a bit longer. Move on to kisses that kiss her upper or lower lip more than the other one. Move around, but take your time. Explore her mouth, face, chin and neck like you are blind and trying to memorize her face from the feel of your lips. Just brush your lips on her lips and face so that your lips sort of drag. Don’t be afraid to kiss her neck, but don’t leave hickeys, at least not till you know her better and know she is not uncomfortable having them.

French kissing will fit the situation after a little while, but I would recommend you start with lots of gentle kissing and work into french kissing when you kiss a woman for the first time.

11

Well I’m not a woman but I believe I have special insight in the workings of the female mind.

The other posters are way off the mark! Use as much tongue as you can, in fact try to lick her whole face in one fell swoop. Pull her tongue in your mouth and suck as hard as you can. At the same time, try to grope as many body parts as possible.

Don’t you want her to know how much you love her?

12

Arnold, you rule :slight_smile:

But seriously, one more contribution to the many good suggestions here: Shave. A rough face and deep kissing (should it get to that the first time) are a bad combination.

BTW, my hubby is a lousy kisser, and for me kissing is a huge turn-on. I am still patiently teaching him how, and love him all the more for his willingness to be taught :slight_smile:

13

::frantically taking notes::

14

A-Ha!! I knew my husband was secretly posting to this board!

What a surprise, though, to find out that he and the esteemed Arnold Winkelried are one and the same person.

15

Iswote has the right idea. Start off slow and light. Follow her lead.

A little tip: Gentle lip sucking. Suck slowly on her lower lip. If she respons positivily, try nibbling very gently. If she likes that, then try running the tip of your tongue along her lip as you suck on it. ** Work up to this maneuver.** Slow, light lip kisses are and excellent way to make your kissing introductions. Take your time, and pay attention to how she responds.

Heh. That last sentence applies to sex, too. :wink:

So basically, take your time and follow her lead, and you’ll do fine.

16

“A little tip: Gentle lip sucking. Suck slowly on her lower lip. If she respons positivily, try nibbling very
gently. If she likes that, then try running the tip of your tongue along her lip as you suck on it. Work
up to this maneuver. Slow, light lip kisses are and excellent way to make your kissing introductions.
Take your time, and pay attention to how she responds.”

Hey, I think he was asking about those lips on her head, not the other ones :slight_smile:

17

Katt, come here and let me kiss you! :smiley:

Green Bean, though the implication is certainly flattering, I must deny being your husband. Unless… could it be… what’s your name IRL?

18

Arnold–

It’s Elizabeth

19

Hmmmm… offering to kiss me while trying to determine if your wife is also in the thread… dubious…

Oh what the heck. C’mere, sweetie :stuck_out_tongue:

20

Green Bean, you’re kidding, right? Right?

My fiancée’s name is Elizabeth! :eek:

In the immortal words of Keanu Reeves: whoa!

Katt, sorry, but I’m too discombobulated now to be able to adequately show my kissing prowess. I need to go lie down. (fanning myself)