A couple of weeks ago I was abroad and I got chatting to a beautiful girl. She’d been travelling for years and had a couple of long term relationships no doubt very experienced sexually and extremely outgoing.
I’m 27 but still a virgin with nonexistant sexual experience. She come out with me and my friends and we had dinner and plenty of drinks. Later, we started kissing however I felt pretty self conscious due to my lack of kissing experience and I think she realised very quickly that I wasn’t a good kisser.
She asked me if I was with a new girl every weekend and I told her that I was very inexperienced and hadn’t been in any long term relationships over the last few years. I didn’t really enjoy kissing her as I felt I was definitely underperforming and that she was expecting me to do things that I simply didn’t know how to do. But she said we’d go upstairs and see what happens.
We got up to bed started kissing a bit more took our tops off. After a bit of hugging on the bed she said that sorry she wanted to have sex but… I said that was fine, I knew the chemistry had been all wrong. We slept together and had breakfast the next morning perfectly civilly but I felt a bit awkward and embarrassed.
I had also assumed that when the time came some deeper primal instinct would take over but instead the whole time I felt pretty inadequate and was perfectly rational. I didn’t really enjoying kissing her which seemed strange as I thought I’d enjoy it much more. Just wondered what peoples opinions on this are…
Are you a guy?(I ask because of the tops off thing).
I think you are overthinking this, you have no indication she was unsatisfied other than your head scenario. Does sound like you were super uncomfortable though, why?
Yeah. I’m a guy. Basicly I felt I wasn’t doing a good job kissing her and was doing a poor job. I mean what do you do just stick the tongue in there and push it around, do you push her tongue let her push you, do you try to bite it?? No interest in going any more graphical than that but that was the basic thrust of what was going through me head.
Huh? He said he was a virgin and I was asking if that meant if he had simply never had sex or if, as his post somewhat suggests, he had never been kissed as well.
I’ve been on the other end of that before. In college, I was the first kiss to a guy who later became a serious boyfriend.
The first time we kissed, it was clear he had absolutely no idea what to do. If I had just been looking for some ass, I assure you I would have never come back. (I’m pretty sure this is a common experience, if not completely universal – I know the first time I kissed a guy I had no idea what to do either, and my mental conversation went something along the lines of “What is he doing with his tongue? How did it get all the way over there? Whoa, where’d it go? Are those his teeth? Am I supposed to be doing something?”)
Because I wasn’t just looking for something physical, he was able to compensate for his lack of kissing skills by being pleasurable company, and like I said earlier, he turned into a serious boyfriend.
For the record, the first time we had sex was a disaster as well. He was so nervous he had trouble getting hard. Even once we moved past that stage, it took him a while to figure out what to do beyond flailing around in a general thrusting motion (I gave him pointers, but there was still a learning curve).
To summarize: Yes, compared to others your age you are inexperienced, and I’d be willing to bet you’re not a great kisser or otherwise-physical performed for your age. Your best bet to get the experience you need is to take the time to get to know someone and gradually form a relationship that is both physical and emotional, because this woman will be happy to work with you in getting you more experienced and confident. (Note: Occasionally a platonic female friend can fill this role as well.)
Well, alternately, I have a friend who lost his virginity to a call girl, and essentially learned the basics by paying for sex. I don’t endorse that approach, but it is another alternative.
I think we’re talking past each other. He’s clearly never had sex, and I read his OP as saying that he’s also never kissed. Looks like he has a little bit, though.
watchintheworld, I think that the best way for you to learn is to immitate what she does. But she will also be immitating you to an extent.
A few rules to keep in mind:
*Never lead with the tongue. That comes later.
*Do not try to stick your tongue down her throat. It’s not like the more tongue you give her, the more points you get.
*Do not use your tongue all the time. Really, more like 25% of the time is better. (YMMV)
*No swirling motion.
*DO NOT BITE.
*Sofffffffffft.
*No drooling.
*Have fun. If it feels good to you, it feels good to her.
I’ve considered it but I’m a bit reluctant to go down that road. I might go and get some ‘kissing lessons’ initially and take it from there. I’m not particularly eager to lose my virginity or even get in a long term relationship but I do not like feeling inadequate as I did that night.
How do you get to fourth base?
Practice, practice, practice.
I Googled “learn how to kiss” and got links to lots of videos. Your worry level might go down if you intellectually mastered the basics. After that it really helps (1) to be in an honest comfortable relationship, and (2) to be caught up in the moment.
These two at least are a matter of preference. (… Don’t bite unless she starts it.) I thought I didn’t like frenching at first, because the tongue was just this soft squishy thing.
We’ve had a few how to kiss threads over the years. Let me see if I can dig them up.
