So I’ve started dating a girl, and for once everything seems to be going smoothly. We enjoy each others company, no ones acting funny about anything, she has the required vile sense of humor I look for in a girl and…umm…well, what else more needs to be said?
But here’s the thing: as many of you know, I’m pretty inexperienced with romance. I suck at kissing. This is the second girl I’ve ever kissed, I suck at it, and we both know it. Part of the problem is that my lips keep going dry which causes me to make a sound resembling that of a raspberry being blown mid kiss. I don’t know what to do with my tongue. She’s using hers, but then her lips are shut around it which makes me wonder if I’m supposed to be thrusting my tongue into hers, let her tongue enter my mouth, or what. I really, truly, sincerly, don’t know what the hell I’m doing…but I bought a couple mangos and plan on using the second half of today to practice. But before that, I need some information to go on.
At the end or our last date (which was quite nice) I kissed her and she laughed and said “Ok…ok, you need to work on that. I’m patient but not that patient.”
As with many things, people vary in their kissing … um … tastes. What works for me might not work for her. Half the fun of sex is learning about your lover and what s/he likes.
The very best lovers are ones who ask each of their lovers what they like, and listen to the answers, and do it for them, and try it out with future lovers.
The worst lovers are the ones who never ask, and who don’t help their lovers figure out what does it for them.
Chapstick or cocoa butter lip balm. Not sure what you’re doing that you’d be making a raspberry sound. Inhaling or exhaling loudly? You don’t need to do either. Think gradual. Start with a closed mouth. Then a little bit open, teasing. Then a bit more. Slip your tongue against hers but don’t shove it down her throat or leave it there like a dead slug. Retract it. A few seconds of full on open mouths is fine, but no more. And don’t forget her ears and neck!
Oh, and you can totally practice on your hand! Not the back of it- make your thumb and forefinger into an ‘O’ (I’m sure you know how to do that) with your wrist at 6 o’clock and kiss away.
I dont know about you, but kissing someone with chapstick or lip balm or lipstick on really grosses me out. Maybe girls like it different, but I wouldn’t suggest medicating your lips in preparation for a kiss. Just keep practicing, I guess.
I suppose I should be doing this more…whenever I talk about kissing with other people they always say “But…but…it’s so easy”. I have this idea that no one else really experienced a learning curve when they first got into this. That they just became naturals. So I will do some asking tomorrow. But I still need as much information as I can scrap together to build on.
Prime advice! Thanks a lot. I’ll buy some flavored chapstick later.
Well, different people like different things. Here’s what I like; it might be fun to give it a try, see what she thinks.
Don’t inhale or suck hard while kissing. I am also not into deep tonsil-delving aggressive tongue thrusts. I like gentle, gentle, gentle.
With lips mostly closed, position your lips so that her lower lip is between your lips, and suck gently. Then do the same with her upper lip. Ideally she should be sucking gently on your lips at the same time.
Use the tip of your tongue to lick or flick her lips a little bit before getting to the lip-sucking part. If she were to flick your tongue with her tongue while you do this, so much the better.
Little candy-like nibbly sweet kisses are nice. You don’t see them much on TV so they get shortchanged, but they’re fun.
Take a break from her mouth sometimes and kiss her wrists, or palms, or just underneath her ears, or the hollow of her throat.
It’s not going to be the same with every woman. That means there will be a learning curve every time – and that she is also going through a learning curve with you. She’s discovering what you like; it’s not all about you demonstrating your skill. Therefore; pay attention to her responses, and communicate yours. If you don’t like something that she does, say so; if you do like something, let her know, even with just a little noise. Encourage her to do the same.
Just relax and play. It’s supposed to be fun, not stressful.
Ask her to show you what she likes. Close your eyes, relax your lips and let her kiss you, you can join in in a few seconds when you feel where she’s going.
Relax! Tense lips are not soft and don’t feel nice, ditto a tense or agressive tongue.
I was lucky enough to have my cousin hand down her battered copy of Worst Case Scenario: Dating and Sex to me, with notes scribbled in the margin. I’m happy to now pass along… (and yes, I have used it too :D)Paraphrased to make a little clearer.
How to Deliver the Perfect Kiss
Cradle your date’s face with your hands
Look into her eyes
Tilt your head
while tilting hers as well. Gradually bring your mouth towards hers, while looking at her lips
Gently Touch your lips to hers
Focus on the lips first, giving soft, little kisses. Slowly part your lips, letting your tongue move out to touch/stroke her lips. Gauge her reaction. If she opens her mouth in response, proceed.
Explore delicately with your tongue
Open your mouth a little wider and let your tongue meet hers. Try to massage her tongue with yours, then switch to pretending they’re fencing, parrying, daring, and the like. If you’re feeling adventurous, you can gently nibble her bottom lip, run your tongue over her teeth, “catch” her tongue with your teeth and suck on it.
Remember to modify your moves to her responses. If something is making her not participate, leave it. If something makes her shiver, remember it
Take frequent breaks and know when to stop
The longer you keep your tongues inside each other’s mouths, the sloppier the kiss will be. And stop before your jaw aches too!
A warning on the mangos - some people are allergic! They’re related to poison ivy. There’s urushiol in the skin.
Ask me how I know this.
Okay, I’ll tell you anyway. I bought some mangos at the store - they were on sale! I wanted to have some for lunch and didn’t have time to peel them, so I cut them into chunks and ate the flesh away from the skin. They were very yummy. 24hrs later my entire mouth and most of my lower face was covered in oozing blisters.
No one wants to kiss someone whose face is covered in oozing blisters.
Unless she has a strong aversion to the smell/taste of peppermint (some women do), I would suggest you find yourself some Burt’s Bees lip balm. The ladies (generally) love it. You can find it at Borders and some health food stores and college bookstores.
You can nibble a little, very gently, and see how she reacts. After you’ve gotten your basic technique down, that is. Really, I have yet to meet a paramour who didn’t enjoy some light biting and tugging with the teeth.
