Oooook, so, gee, where to start… just starting this thread I feel like Woody Allen, the anxious part, not the marrying-your-own-adopted-daughter part. (He did that right?)
So yes. In the past, [del]a friend of mine[/del]I’ve had various lovers, some great and some super-great. Even the not-so-great have been great, for sex is like pizza, warm and gooey.
:o Getting on with it, blowjobs seem to be a highly variable skill. Some girls were great, some were fantastic, and all the colors of the rainbow inbetween.
The real question is this. Is there any way to improve a certain lovers skill with oral (I don’t see why this thread can’t apply for cunnilingus either)? To improve things, the obvious method seems to be gentling tell your lover what feels good and what doesn’t during the act. This works most of the time but sometimes this approach doesn’t click. I would never dream of directly telling a lover that his or her skill at a certain sex act was under-par, so… where does that leave things?
Advice? Thoughts? Mockery?
((If this thread seems too much like Penthouse, I understand and won’t have any complaints. For the record I’m more seeking advice on communication about oral sex and less on the method or sensation of. ))
(((Although that’s welcome too. Maybe. If it’s kosher)))
There’s a book for everything. I like the books by Lou Paget myself. I consider a book worth reading if it gives me one good idea I actually make a habit of. One of Lou’ s books taught me a perfect hand accompaniment to the usual mouth action, to great acclaim.
It’s a pity I can’t recall which Lou Paget book it was. But after reading it I didn’t keep it around because I was too embarassed to have it standing in my book shelves.
Enthusiasm trumps talent any day of the week and twice on Sunday. However, if I were a young lady learning my way around a blowjob, it would probably be easier for me to take advice on what to do (easy there, use your hand, watch those teeth) than how to do it (please act like you’re more interested in doing this than you appear to be).
There’s two elements here - the blow jobber’s basic competence in general, and what you like specifically. The first is going to be harder to deal with if they’re not great because unless it’s the girl/guy’s first time they’re going to be surprised to hear they’re doing it that badly. Your best bet is to be direct if there is anything badly wrong (“aaaaah - teeth!”) but make sure it’s light hearted and that you see it as all part of the fun. But ultimately both are really served by making it about you, not about them. If you’re saying “I really like it when you jerk the shaft when you’re sucking” and “it feels really good when you slurp and roll your tongue on the head” then that’s about what you like, not about how they’re a failure as a lover. Just keep suggesting small changes until they get they get the picture, and accept that the blow jobber may be calibrated to giving blow jobs to someone who prefers it very differently to you (maybe they were in an LTR for ages before you) and it might take a while to change the settings.
Bear in mind that you get the best blow jobs first time with people who have had a lot of experience refining the technique on different people (so if you believe in the slut complex I suggest you drop it now). Also (and a big whoop whoop for monogamy, or at least regularity) it’s best with someone who has actually had some time to get to know you and what you like, and is comfortable with you. It’s far less likely for you to get a mind blowing suck from someone the first time than it is after you’ve been doing it regularly with them.
Sadly, there is that small category of people who just don’t enjoy sucking a guy off and/or who don’t have the inclination to do it the way you like. Like Dan Savage I firmly believe that oral should come as standard with every model, so if yours doesn’t have it, return it to the shop and get a new one.
Actually, no. She was the adopted daughter of Mia Farrow and Andre Previn. Woody Allen was never married to Mia Farrow, never lived with her and never had any parental relationship to Soon Yi. I don’t even think he knew her until she was like 17.
I agree with this. I’ve told someone before (far removed from any situation where we were or might have been getting it on, wouldn’t want to hurt her feelings at such a time) “even if you are not super into giving head, at least act like it.” My theory is even acting like she is really enjoying herself might make her enjoy herself more, possibly creating an upward spiral, plus the apparent enthusiasm heightens pleasure for the recipient.
I asked my gay male friends for blowjob tips. (Pun intended ;)) I figured, who knows what men like more than men? Nobody! My friends were more than happy to offer suggestions, even demonstrating on appropriately shaped objects like bananas. According to my BF, I’m a very good student.
Illuminatiprimus, uh, nailed it. Don’t hesitate to “jokingly” point out the truly negative, but from there, it’s (oh god, am I really going to say this?) it’s like training a dog. Positive reinforcement works better than negativity or punishment (y’know, unless you’re into that kind of thing ) “Oh, yes, that’s awesome!” in the act is likely to get you more of the same. And if it doesn’t (for some people are strange and inexplicable and will stop doing That when you say That is good) you can always laugh and say, “I didn’t mean to stop! That was wonderful! More! More!” Laughter is a great teaching tool, and if mutual, makes sex awesomer.
Being specific about what you’ve liked as IF your partner is doing it, even if s/he hasn’t, is a great tip, too: “I love it when you when you suck really hard for a second and then pop the head out of your mouth!”
(Oh, really? I don’t think I’ve ever done that… but I sure will try it now!)
lol. it’s not rocket science. guys, if you don’t tell your partner what you like, he/she is never gonna know how to please you the way you want.
same holds true for us girls. ladies, if she/he is pushing things like an elevator button and it ain’t working for you - TELL them. gentle coaching will go a long way.
trilpolar, you are SO right: practice practice practice!
sex should always be fun - that’s my take on it, and my partners have all agreed. hey, if i could learn to give a blowjob with braces on, anything is possible!
I think the OP is pretty well addressed. I notice some emoticons can be interpreted different ways in the context.
Not “officially,” no, but she was raised in the household of, and as a sibling to, their co-adopted children and their biological son, in a time when Allen and Farrow were constantly perceived publicly to be acting as co-parents for the whole bunch. (Soon Yi was then ten years old.)
Nobody’s really said the nitty gritty in a nutshell, so to speak. Part #1 and 2 are practicing, #3-7 are doing.
Start getting rid of your gag reflex. This includes brushing your tongue as far back as possible when you brush your teeth. Really get back in there. Practice makes perfect. I used to not be able to swallow large pills. I have huge tonsils to boot. Now I almost don’t gag at all. Plus it’s better for your oral health; your tongue is like a bacterial sponge. You’ll notice improvement in mere weeks.
Wet your lips, then wrap your lips around your teeth. Practice the sensation by sitting around, wrapping your lips over your teeth and attempt to close your mouth. The pressure you feel of your teeth on your gums is normal. Next, practice keeping your jaw open and tensed. Even practice doing this with a toothbrush down your throat/back of tongue.
For the actual BJ: Wet your lips, then wrap your lips around your teeth. Never let your teeth come in contact with his dick*. Up and down motion with your (the giver’s) head, pausing at the top (but never leaving contact) to do a kiss/lick around with your tongue. Deeper the better here.
Lightly wrap 1-3 fingers and your thumb around his schlong under your mouth (# of fingers depend on size). Use in conjunction with blowing him to get to the base of his cock; unless your mate has a small dick and you a large mouth, you’re not gonna fit it all in. This will mimick a handjob of sorts.
Timing is everything. You can’t just do this once and say “good?” Gotta do it for 5-10 minutes. Practice your rhythm. Doesn’t matter if you can’t get him off the first 5, 10, or 50 times, you’ll build up to it.
If you have TMJ or jaw pain, take an NSAID beforehand. No excuses. I have TMJ.
If you truly have horrible, terrible, unmitigated jaw pain, I suggest you put his head on your mouth (this won’t be bigger than a big bite of steak) and lightly lick/suck while (lubing your hand with lube or spit) and running your whole had up and down his schlong.
*When you are more advanced you can lightly use teeth.
Really? I don’t think I’d want my lover being in pain, and having to medicate themselves just to provide a little sex play. There are other fun things one can do.
Yes, but I don’t recommend whacking her on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper if she does it wrong. Don’t ask how I know this.
And** lindsaybluth**? Mad props to you for going the extra mile.
I suspect this is a case of people diagnosing themselves with TMJ/jaw pain. I hear lots of women complain “oh, I can’t do that often, my jaw hurts”. Well, practice will make the pain largely disappear. I don’t see a crime in taking a Tylenol either the first few times to acclimate yourself to it. I’m not suggesting super bad painkillers either, just general OTC stuff. I sometimes ache enough from a gym session to take Tylenol, why shouldn’t I be willing to take Tylenol to alleviate jaw pain for my partner?
corkboard, most welcome. It’s the least I can do
ETA: purplehorseshoe, I hope I went into enough detail for you. Everyone is free to PM me with further questions or any clarifications if you don’t feel comfortable posting or asking them in the thread. I have no advice on bringing it up with your mate if you’re the receiver, however. I’m just not delicate like that.
) “Oh, yes, that’s awesome!” in the act is likely to get you more of the same. And if it doesn’t (for some people are strange and inexplicable and will stop doing That when you say That is good) you can always laugh and say, “I didn’t mean to stop! That was wonderful! More! More!” Laughter is a great teaching tool, and if mutual, makes sex awesomer.