Prompted by this thread and mostly because I can’t believe no one asked it - is there such a thing as a “bad” blow job? If so, what constitutes one? And what constitutes a “good” blow job?
Sure there are bad ones - and don’t believe the joke that “even a bad one is awesome”.
The worst are when you feel like she is not into it and is only doing it out of some sense of obligation. Also bad is when she sucks too hard, like trying to get a golf ball through a garden hose as I believe the saying goes…
What constitutes a good one? Lots of tongue action.
A bad blow job is one where the giver is silently saying “Hurry up and COME already!!”. It always shows.
Oh, they can be bad when she’s really enthusiastic too. I’ve had one’s where she’s trying really hard (too hard) and won’t take advice. I don’t know what her deal was.
One time, I woke up the next morning to take a piss and I was bruised. A little too much sucky.
97% of all blowjobs are really handjobs with a mouth attached.
…but those other 3% make the proposition all worthwhile.
What was your advice?
Bad: Yeah, seriously, if you’re not into it, I’ll just take a rain check. I suppose the supersucker technique would be bad, too, but luckily I’ve never come across (
) any of those kind of women.
Good: Enthusiasm and lots of saliva. Also, don’t be afraid to use your hands. Finally, focus on the whole general area down there – balls, dick, thighs, etc – kissing and licking all over occasionally is the key to turning an ordinary blow job into extraordinary.
Better than bleeding.
Few tips for the ladies:
- It’s more than a half inch long, please treat it accordingly.
- I can jerk off myself. If that’s what I wanted you wouldn’t be here.
- Your tongue can move even when you’re not talking. Try it.
- Unless you really know what you’re doing, keep teeth out of the experience. If you know what you’re doing - call me.
- If you don’t like doing it, just don’t do it. Neither of us are going to enjoy it.
Edit: Slithy Tove nailed it.
Plus, it’s really hot when you swallow. My previous girlfriend always did; my wife never has (and I can quite understand that). So clearly it’s not a dealbreaker, but it’s a big plus…
They are all worthless. Consider the basic fact: Penile stimulation is about friction. Oral friction leaves most of the sensitive nerves untouched at any point. The only excuse for it that I’ve found is the woman’s need for variety.
Slow down, use your hand. I think she took offense at not being naturally good at it or something.
Keep the teeth out of it and you’re doing fine. Nipping is one thing, but if you’re bobbing up and down and make even incidental tooth-to-penis contact, we’ll spend the rest of the “session” cringing because we think it will happen again.
Ah, so you’ve obviously never had a good one. Don’t worry, neither have I since being married (and as someone said above, not a deal breaker).
^^This pretty much.
Enthusiasm is probably the secret ingredient most women forget. Either A) They are not in to it and just doing it or B) They are happy to do it but are mechanical about it. Either way I’d pass. On occasion (sadly too rare) the woman seems genuinely enthused and seems to be having fun as well and getting turned on. HUGE difference!
Variety is the second “secret” most often missed. I am amazed at how often the general area is ignored. Play with his balls and what not (note to guys it is nice to have the area trimmed and clean for the ladies…no one likes a mouthful of hair)! If I am going down on a woman I certainly give the whole area attention and remember to use my hands. Always puzzled me that women seem to ignore what to me should be obvious. ::shrug::
All that said, and as already mentioned by others, I am not put out if a woman does not want to give one. It shows if she’s not in to it and it is not fun for me either so I’d rather take a pass and get on to bits we both enjoy. Just know that the women who deliver stellar BJs are women who the guy will remember forever and consider himself lucky (really). When done well…wow!
I think it’s one of those things that kinda-sorta falls into the category of you either get it or you don’t. A women has to be into it and like to give them on a pretty fundamental level or the vibe isn’t there. If any part of a blow job is grudging and it comes across that way it’s not non-sexual it’s anti-sexual.
I used to think they weren’t for me, but one woman I dated actually had skills and changed my mind about them 180 degrees. The problem is dealing with someone who thinks they know what they are doing, but is just going through the motions. For whatever reason lots of women think they are blow job experts, and they are not by any measure. How are you ever going to tell a woman she giving a incompetent blow job and not nuke the relationship?
See Why do so many women think they know how to give great oral, but don’t? (NSFW)
Bad = Teeth
Good = Eye Contact
YMMV
DISCLAIMER: I’ve been drinking and just read over this and couldn’t decide if I should post it or not. Very detailed and personal I guess. Sober me says “it’s too detailed and people probably don’t want my intimate BJ details.” Slightly drunk me says “fuck it! Post this shit! She asked about good and bad blow jobs, and now you’re just bein’ a pussy.” OK, Drunk Me wins.
First girlfriend to ever do it just used a boring method: hold base move mouth and tongue up and down in even identical strokes. Sure it felt good, but there was nothing to it. She was pretty boring in all sexual arenas. I once (when drunk) told her that her BJ’s were boring and that I would love it if I could give her pointers. She got offended and used the defense “you cum everytime.” HA, well then shit, it must be mind blowing!! :rolleyes:
Another girlfriend would scrape teeth a little and get mad if I pointed it out, because she apparently could never realize it was happening. Also, she would not allow cum to get anywhere near her mouth. She liked to do it, and when she did it well, I still knew that as soon as she knew it was time, that I was gonna get jerked off into her hand which she would have to run and wash off immediately.
After many years and multiple partners and many bad to mediocre to sort of good BJ’s, I now have a good friend that knows what’s going on! Sometimes things happen between us, and it was just sex at first. Then she went down on me one day, and it’s become quite a tradition with us. She loves my reaction. She’ll do it for over 30 minutes… teasing, taking little breaks, knowing exactly when to do what and when to change it up. She builds it up like crazy and I don’t even want to cum. I want it to last forever. She claims she’s never done it like with me before but she knows by my reactions and breathing just what to do to make it incredible. She talks sometimes while doing it and says some good stuff… she decides when I get to “finish” and even if I’m way relaxed and don’t want to yet, she’ll tell me that she doesn’t care if I want to or not. Sometimes she’ll stick her tongue out and slap me against it a few times and then just wraps around the head and does this swirling motion with her head while her tongue goes crazy. Makes me convulse. It’s insane.
As many have said, if she’s not into it it’s not as good.
Teeth are good, but you gotta be careful. Eye contact is superb.
Like with anything about sex, you gotta speak and listen.