The BJ Thread: give me some, uh, pointers

We’ve had a lot of oral sex threads lately, and reading some of the joyous comments about blowjobs has made me feel a teeny bit out of it.

Here I am, 36 years old and recently divorced, devoutly hoping to meet a nice boy some fine day and get laid. But all the kids seem to be giving each other blow jobs now, and I, uh, have never. Not to the end, you know.

My marriage did not give me much education in the sensual arts in general, and the ex didn’t like blow jobs. Not mine, anyway. He was quite too large for me to comfortably handle, orally, so it was basically a handjob with a little oral on one end, if you see. Useful for foreplay, I guess, but not often employed, and not very enthusiastically on either of our parts.

Obviously, this has to change. I am in a state of regrettable ignorance and require the straight dope.

So. Without making me feel too much like an ignorant freak, please - educate me? What should I know to do? What should I try? What works, what doesn’t? Where do I put my hands? Swallowing, arguments for and against? Et cetera.

Sincere thanks in advance.

Just watch the teeth. If he likes it a certain way, he should tell you.

But please, watch the teeth.

Try Go to “Stories”, then click “How-to”. Under the B’s you will find many essays written with good advice.

Then you can hit the forums there and ask questions.

Well, lets get together, we’ll work through this together. I’ll give practical advice as you are performing. It really is the only way to learn.

And keep in mind that a blowjob is pretty much fail-proof. You can’t really do one wrong.

My best hint to a learner is this: don’t try to deep-throat right away. Start off by just working the head with your lips and tongue, and spare yourself the gag reflex while you’re getting used to your partner. Too much thrusting can be disastrous to a beginner. There are few things less erotic than barfing during oral sex.

(I can’t believe I’m doing this. Oh well. It’s the closest thing I’m going to get to sex anytime soon.)

Incredibly TMI, of course, but if you’ve read this far you know what you’re getting into. So to speak.

The head is, of course, the most sensitive part of the whole shebang. This does not mean you should concentrate all your attentions there any more than you really want someone fooling around with your clitoris constantly. I like to tease – play with the head a little while, take cues from my partner as to when it’s about to get a bit much, and then slide lower down.

The vein running along the underside of the shaft like a wiggly seam is also quite sensitive. Running the tongue along this tends to get good reactions.

Neglect not the testicles. Gently cradling them is a good start, though you can (gently!) take them into your mouth if you’re so inclined.

But really, in the end, what you need to do is avoid using your teeth on anything down there. Every body is different, every man is different, and it seems to me that an important component to Really Good Sex is being conscious of what your partner wants… and, of course, having a partner who is conscious of what you want!

(this is my experience from having one, one, one partner of this sort and having a guy friend who was “Trying to help, really. I can show you if you want…”)

What I’ve found to be very important to men on whom I’ve gone down, is that I enjoyed the experience too. I’m not really into giving head, but until my husband, no man ever knew that. Been with hubby long enough for him to have caught on though, and he’s told me its a lot less fun for him now. Not that he’ll EVER turn down a hummer…

Oh, and for etiquette purposes, swallowing is much more polite than spitting. (Although if you’re dating, for safe sex, I heard there’s some sort of mouth guard you’re supposed to use?)


I know this is a totally embarrassing thread. (I sat here blushing for about ten minutes after typing the OP.) I appreciate those who have responded and especially for the difficult-to-share details.

“Don’t bite the penis” was one thing I already instinctively knew, but I understand the need to reinforce this concept. Anaamika, I’ll check out that link - I didn’t want to Google it, you know.

**Khadaji ** - regrettably, if you’re in PA, that would be a tough commute. Thanks for the offer, though.

There’s also a really sensitive spot about an inch below the glans (the “fireman’s helmet”) on the underside of the penis. There’s a little bundle of nerves there, I forget what it’s called, but it’s sort of like the female g-spot. Circling your tongue on that spot with a little pressure feels, apparently, really good.

(I’ve never been with an uncircumcised man, so I don’t know if this advice holds true for them or not.)

I’ve found that I can avoid the dislocated jaw issue for a long while by using my hand AND my mouth - circling the base of the penis with my first two (or more) fingers and keep my hand in contact with my mouth as it moves up and down; it sort of “extends” the surface area I can cover without gagging. Keep it wet, though, so it’s not all soft and slippery on top and chafing near the base. It also keeps my hand in a good position for taking over momentarily to get my hair out of my eyes, or his hair out of my throat. Near the end, though, I’m ready to take more into my mouth as I relax into it, and finish with all mouth.

The best blowjob advice I’ve ever gotten: don’t neglect the thighs. That’s right. The thighs. Men have very sensitive inner thinghs, and most turn into jelly when you teasingly stroke or gently run your nails up from the knees into the groin before you contact the penis. Kneading and stroking the thighs is generally welcome during fellatio, as well.

But one can not do one well. I’ve had more BJs that did not result in ejaculation than I have ones that did. As has been posted, enjoyment of the giver plays a part. Sometimes she just doesn’t seem into it. And ‘don’t come in my mouth’ is a bit of a turn-off.

Okay, how do I describe the best technique I’ve received within the guidelines of the Boards?

It’s not just about sucking, or going up and down; those those play a part. Use of the hand is good technique. Tongue action without up-and-down movement is good as well. And saliva is nice. I think the key is to pay attention to the entire organ, and not just the head. Too much attention to the head can desensitise it.

And do swallow.

Well, a little nip here and there never hurt anyone. Variety, you know. :wink:

For some reason, Ivylad likes me to look up at him while I have a mouthful. I’m a little shy, so I have to steel myself to do it, and sometimes I can’t, but he seems to appreciate it.

YMMV, of course. :o

You can do a lot more with your hands than you can with your mouth. But together, you can do even more. I even had a girl rub me against her cheek and neck once that was kind of unique for variety, although not fast enough to come.

And variety is nice to start, but keep it steady and continuous when he wants to come.

The head is most sensitive, surely, but sometimes too sensitive. Don’t concentrate on it as it will probably get enough stimulation just by accident. The circumcision scar area and under the rim all around is maybe more sensitive in a different way, and I’d say concentrate on that more and more as things progress (tighten your hand in that area). If he’s not circumcised, I wouldn’t know what to say.

And don’t forget his balls. As the Playboy Advisor once said, “Testicles are nature’s way of saying, ‘Put your other hand here’.”

Even if you’re not biting it though, the edge of your teeth can still rub up against it as you bob without you even being conscious of it. This is rather unpleasant and I don’t like having to say “Oh watch the teeth” during the act (it’s a bit of a turn-off), so I’m just telling you now. :slight_smile:

Also, I personally like it fairly slow and rhythmic, as opposed to just jackhammering away. But of course this will vary depending on the man.

Literotica is a very safe and happy site. No pop-ups and no spyware or anything, and lots of people willingly and eagerly even write up these stories on How-to. Not to mention the boards.

It ain’t the scar, it’s the ridge that’s sensitive - that is, this works just fine on uncircumcised men too. As oral is well-lubricated you can draw back his foreskin while you work on him. Be gentle about this and ask him to help if you’re not used to uncut men.

Remember, YMMV.

By “scar”, I am referring to the entire circumscription, roundabout as it were, circling the entire penis. Not only is the frenulum sensitive, but the entire scar, especially where it meets the head at the rim. (Maybe that’s what you mean by “ridge”?) But YMMV.

Best advice not suggested so far: Why not ask him what he likes? Too obvious? You don’t know each other that well? :slight_smile:

And to this end, you would want to cover your teeth with your lips. At least, he would want you to.

Apologies in advance if this is woefully unnecessary blowjob advice, but you maybe don’t want to mention that if the next guy is small enough to be comfortably handled.