Sex Stuff: ladies, join me please. Men, read along or ask questions.

What the hell is going on? Have men been lliving in caves? Do most women have their lips sealed shut?

I have had the alarming experience in recent days of being kissed and groped by 4 different men. (yeah, I’m a slut. That was a reputation established way back in '73, I really can’t be bothered worrying about it now.) These are the first new men to do such things to me in more than a decade. (Yeah, I broke up…took a year of major grieving. I snapped out of it at last…hence the gropefest.) Before you ask: yes, it was at different times. Jeez…I’m a slut but I’m not that bad!

3 of them were in my age group: 40-50.

The 4th turned 22 about 5 minutes ago.

Three of the four men were grabby, grasping, pushy, hurting, and their kissing skills ranged from simply bad to “You’re fucking kidding me with this shit, right? Where’s the hidden camera?”

The 4th was knee-buckling in his skills across the board.

Wild guess which was which.

This led me to call my therapist and let him know that my preference for very young men actually, it turns out, has pretty much nothing to do with some weird Mommy neurosis and everything to do with simply getting my needs met!!!

So here’s my question for my fellow ladies: do ANY of you actually respond to a FIRST kiss where a guy leads with a hard tongue pointing straight out of his mouth and into your face like a missile? And how many of you would that be, if any? I’d like to get a little cross section of gals responding to this to see if there’s something going on that I don’t understand, because I do not know one woman in my real life who finds this remotely appealing, ever, even a little. Yet so many men, and all of them s3everal decades into active sex lives, are doing this. I cannot begin to fathom how this can be so.

Two possibilities are: a whole bunch of women out there DO like it, I just have never met a single one of them, OR… (and I’m really thinking this is the ticket) there’s a whole bunch of women out there who don’t have the nerve, the self-confidence, to let their clueless, clumsy partner that his kisses suck, in a really bad way. They also dont’ tell him that his manhandling and pinching and grabbing blows pretty badly too. And they let him go through life like this, almost certainly sentencing him to a more limited sex life than he might otherwise enjoy if he’d get a clue or two.

So what is it, ladies? Are there hoards of you out there who just turn to a puddle when a guy you’ve never slept with grabs you, sucks on your face, and bites you so hard it hurts in the first 3 minutes of physical contact, or what?
DISCLAIMER: Please note that I am referring to the FIRST contact between people who are not lovers already. Once you have an established exual relationship, all this kind of stuff can come into play sometimes as part of a wide repertoire of sexual activities. That is not what I’m talking about.

Sorry to violate the rules in your OP title right off the bat, but I’m a man in your age bracket with an observation. Women our age who offer honest feedback on the pleasure they are or are not experiencing during foreplay are, unfortunately, rare.

Maybe they know men can’t take criticism without interpreting it as failure. Maybe they’re not concerned about their own pleasure as much as they are about giving pleasure. Maybe they’re just conditioned to be “supportive.” Or silent, or uncomplaining, or whatever. But it is MUCH more enjoyable, as a man, to have a fully engaged partner who is able to say “not so rough please, a little bit less, yes, right there, yes, like that.”

I suppose if I tried, I could take a wild guess at how many times my husband and I have kissed over the 20+ years we’ve been together, but I wouldn’t see the point. Thing is, I still wouldn’t like him to start any kind of intimacy with the straight-for-the-tonsils move. Let’s have some build-up, please. Kissing foreplay, anyone?

But the fact is, when we first started dating (and he was just a smidge older than your current knee-buckler), he was a tad too, well, insistent. But I sensed that he had potential, so I guided him into being the kind of kisser I liked. Over the years, we’ve trained one another. I suspect it’s one of the reasons we’re still so happy together.

I’m a 42 y.o. single male. Married for a number of years. Single and dating for the last few.

If an adult and reasonably experienced male can’t read his partner and adjust his kissing, touching and progress to his partner’s physical responses and proceed according to the physical cues, the man needs to have his dating license revoked.

Sure, two people can have a different style or approach to kissing, etc… but that’s just a preference thing and should be chalked up to chemistry and physical compatibility. You can’t make your potential partner be someone they are not. Go easy. Pay attention. Read the signs. Notice (in)compatibility and adjust expectations accordingly. It’s not rocket surgery.

I don’t think the kissing style has to do with age, IMHO you just had the bad luck to get 3 men in a row who didn’t kiss you the way you ( or I ) would prefer. I had a slutty phase in my late 30s and did find some really bad kissers as well as melt-your-knees kissers. Several times, my suggestions for softer, slower, less watery were not well received. And a man who resents hearing feedback on how I like my body handled will not get a chance to maul me further, but some were 30, 40s and 50. One young man said he knew he wasn’t a good kisser but he never liked to, just wanted to get to the good stuff. He never got to my good stuff. Not every man made me purr the first time he kissed me, but those who listened to verbal and non-verbal cues were welcome to keep on trying. Maybe some of these men didn’t like gentle initial kisses, but only that one said he just didn’t like it at all.
I never did like to be hurt on an initial physical contact and would say so.

Sig line!
I agree. I have been kissed by older men and (at least the two that kissed me) well, they sucked at it. One was odd and I was drunk, so chalk that one up to that, but the other? Who knows?

And I can’t stand any man who “just wants to get to the ‘good’ stuff”. As if.


That’s the key. Your lips need to get to know each other and learn to work together. That’s why kissing just gets better and better the longer you’re with someone.


So, I turned 23 a few weeks ago.
How you doin’? :stuck_out_tongue:

Right on the money. Ugh. Any man who has ever jammed his tongue down my throat or grabbed for the goodies from the get-go got a firm slap and never heard from me again. Gross.

Oh, FTR, female, 27, married, dated a little bit in my younger years, only three serious sexual relationships. Incidentally, the serious relationships were all with “younger” men (always two or three years younger than myself, but I was still a pup myself, anyway); all the older men I tentatively dated (no sex, just dinner and/or movie, then the… ugh… “kiss”) were the tongue jamming breast-gropers. Naturally, this has just been my experience, YMMV and all that good stuff. I’m sure there are millions of exceptions. Oh, actually, I do have one myself! One of the younger guys I attended a school dance with (he was only a year younger, and I was in grade 11) practically swallowed my face whole with his “kiss”, and also tried groping. He got smacked. Hard. However, this was highschool. How many guys don’t make that brave leap for the goodies when the chance was there? :wink: He still didn’t get any.

Yeah, I don’t think age has anything to do with it. If so, you’d expect those older men to kiss better than the younger stud.
I don’t think I’ve ever met a really bad kisser, although some are more awkward than others. It just comes together with time.

I typically date men my own age, but recently I had a few dates with someone 10 years older than me–until he decided that “no” meant “yes.” WTF? A 51-year-old should know better.

He was a great kisser, but had no respect for me, even though he worked hard to play up the “gentleman” angle. When I told him I thought we’d make better friends, he said, “ok” but then continued to try to kiss and grope me on a lunch date the next day. It was revolting. I actually had to push him off me. In broad daylight. In front of a restaurant. Then he got angry.

It was like a bad Lifetime movie.

Well, my experiences have been somewhat similar to Stoid’s. I mostly date men in their mid- to late-forties these days, and I’ve been a victim of the ol’ shove the tongue down your throat tactic at least three times lately. And it’s been the older guys doing it too.

If I’m teetering on the edge of attraction, that can shove me right over onto the not-attracted side and game’s over. If I’m really into them, then I’ll spend some time retraining.

Of course, it’s all anecdotal, and I have had a couple of younger guys that weren’t really all that great either. I only see it in the older ones now because that’s who I’m kissing. I’d have to balance that out with some younger guys for a good sample! :smiley:

I’d just like to say that I’m a 26 year old who has been told by numerous women that he’s a phenomenal kisser, and I intend to maintain, and even improve upon that skill as I get older.

Now accepting applicants for practice partners. :wink:

Heh, you know I’ve been complimented on just about every girl I’ve been intimate with that I’m a good kisser.

I never really thought much about it untill now.

I had one lady friend tell me I kiss like a girl. Maybe THAT’S why I’m such a good kisser.


Hmmm. What kind of schedule do you offer? :stuck_out_tongue: :wink:

I don’t like that kind of awkward, aggressive approach, but I’ll admit I’ve never critiqued a guy on his kissing: I’ve either put up with it because everything else was worth it, or I’ve just not kissed him again. Also, I haven’t compared a lot of age ranges, because typically I date guys my age or 5-10 years older. I haven’t dated (or even hooked up with) anyone younger than me since college. So I’ve not kissed a 42-year-old shortly before kissing a 22-year-old, but I sure wouldn’t mind doing a little field research. :smiley:

Quite frankly, I wasn’t crazy about the way my most recent ex kissed. He’d start off ok, but wasn’t great at the French kissing – it’s like he never figured out what to do with his tongue. He made up for it in other ways, but I had a recent memory of being kissed well that was always kind of in the back of my mind (funnily enough, the good kisser wasn’t very good in other ways). I like to think that I would have said something eventually, because we had this great openness with each other about sex (which I worry about ever finding again), but I really don’t know if I ever would have – or why I didn’t while we were together.

Faith, don’t bother with the kid, I have been told the same things, and I have 28 years more practice.
And no, I don’t grab.

I’m with the OP. Tonsil hockey isn’t really much fun at all.

Blame it on porn.

I wonder if older men think that drawn-out nice kisses were what they did on the couch in highschool, but now that they are middle-aged, it’s “She’s been around the block, let’s get to the main attraction!”

I don’t know how I would kiss someone other than Wifecat…Actually, we don’t kiss that much. Lots of pecking and cuddly “I like you” affirmation kisses, but we we get busy, neither of us are into lip-lock. Never understood why, that is just the way it is.


Ditto. I don’t mind a bit of tongue, but less is more for me. I’ve never really dated anyone significantly younger or older than I was (I’m 24) - oddly enough, my bad experiences are all with Korean guys (as opposed to Caucasian guys). But IMO, girls are the best kissers, and I speak from personal experience. And the Bard himself agrees with me.

Were kisses all the joys in bed,
One woman would another wed.
~William Shakespeare