God damn I feel good, now help me with my kissing!

So against all odds, specifically many, many years of singleitis, I’ve met a super cool girl and kissed her for the first time tonight. Now it probably wasn’t the best kiss, or even a good one (though I certainly enjoyed it), but it was good enough to somehow net myself a fifth date with her again tonight. (I’m really glad our plans to see “She’s Out of My League” fell through, as I wouldn’t want to give her any ideas now :wink:

At any rate, here’s a glimpse of what it’s like to be in my head (it’s a scary place, I don’t recommend it):

[li]Could she really interested in me?[/li][li]What if I’m already in the dreaded “friend zone” already?[/li][li]during the movie Should I put my arm around her?[/li][li]during the movie Should I put my arm around her?[/li][li]during the movie Should I put my arm around her?[/li][li]What the hell is the island in Lost anyway?[/li][li]What’s my next move? Do I kiss her? When do I kiss her? HOW do I kiss her?[/li][/ul]

Needless to say, I couldn’t work up the courage to get my arm around her during the movie we did see, yet I somehow managed to plant one on her at the end of the night…I’m still not sure how that worked.

ANYWAYS, seeing as I’m seeing her tonight, there’s a few things I’m wondering:

  1. What’s the proper greeting etiquette now that I’ve finally kissed her. We’ve been hugging up to the point–stay the course?

  2. Kissing tips! I need 'em! Seeing as I’m horribly inexperienced. The one I did give her felt like a split-second (because I was mentally freaking out).

  3. Being as our date unfortunately (or fortunately?) falls on Easter eve, should I get her anything? Flowers seems a bit strong, but maybe chocolates or something? Or should I just not worry about it?

Help me to not screw this up!

Wow, fifth date, dude? Really? Okay, working backwards:

  1. I think if she’s willing to go out with you a sixth time flowers would certainly not be out of line.

  2. I really have no idea what to tell you, man. Have a Tic-Tac or a Mentos or something beforehand. Just don’t be a pussy about it.

  3. A hug, maybe add a kiss on the cheek. Maybe she’ll kiss you, now that the barrier has been breached.

Seriously, unless you’re like 16 you should be well past “first kisses.” Not saying you should have nailed her by now, but really, you shouldn’t need to be asking these things. Be aggressive but not impolite. She’s probably either desperately throwing you signals that you’re not noticing, OR if not then you’re probably teetering on the edges of the dreaded FZ. But she kissed you, so that’s a good sign, I guess. Push it a little bit. I don’t mean feel her up or anything, but try things that would be beyond what mere friends would do, like holding her hand or touching her knee.

Tell me something I don’t know–I have some catching up to do. I’m a late-bloomer, I suppose. I’m also, apparently, pathologically unattractive to most girls…or at least the ones who don’t hit on me while they’re working at McDonald’s (long story)

  1. I think a quick kiss on the lips would be a good greeting. Set the tone for the rest of the date. If you get nervous just remember that on your last date you kissed her and she agreed to another date. She’s expecting more kisses and while I can’t know for sure I’d bet she’s been wondering why it took so long for the first one.

  2. The majority of your tongue should always remain in your own mouth. Don’t try to tickle her uvula or check her molars for fillings. Keep your spit under control, nobody likes to have their mouth flooded with somebody else’s saliva. And for God’s sake close your eyes during the kiss. Everybody peeks now and again but your eyes should be closed for the majority of the kiss.

  3. Flowers would be fine. If it were me I’d buy something cheerful that fits the day, daisies or the like.

Have fun and good luck!

No one was ever upset about receiving flowers. If you’re worried about it being too strong a gesture, a dubious concern given that it is your sixth date and it’s friggin’ flowers, then bring a single flower. Also, that way she doesn’t have to put it in a vase.

Don’t overthink the kissing. It’s not like changing the oil in your car; we can’t tell you which bolt to screw, which seal to lube, or which hole to pour your fluids into. Asking for tips on kissing is like asking for tips on dancing from someone who doesn’t know what music you’re dancing to. Just follow her lead.

If you must have a tip, try this: kiss just her lower lip, in something more than a peck and less than an open-mouth tongue-on-tongue move. Let her take it from there. Better to be overcautious than overzealous when it comes to learning to kiss.

Lastly, do not ask whether she likes some kind of kissing, or ask permission to kiss. Let your body do the talking.

I’m not the big expert on this, but I recommend not playing a character. Be you. Nervous, inexperienced you. She’s already dating you (6 dates means she must like you at least a little. Seriously dude). You can be your genuine nervous self (being human, she will be able to relate) and still play it off on your attraction to her. Don’t say, “Hot chicks make me nervous.” No, it is only her. Tell her you like her and that makes you nervous because you don’t want to blow it (unless this is actually a bald-faced lie. Don’t tell lies). Or don’t tell her anything and just find/create a moment when you can move in slow and then plant one on her- deliberately, so she totally sees it coming (that can be the best part anyway). Go ahead and give her an awkward and nervous kiss. Unless she is the Whore of Babylon she will also be dealing with issues of insecurity/inexperience and you have something there to play with together well into the future. She’ll either like it or drop you for Lothario. If it is the latter, take it like a man and don’t let it crush you- women probably like you better than you think, there Will be others if that happens. Some spine will serve you well in all this- you don’t want to be stammering and halting if you can help it. But again, don’t play a character.

And I suppose it is a good idea to keep all this on the shelf until it is time to kiss so that you can pay attention to what she is saying, etc.

I’d generally say the same as others: just let things happen. However, if you want some operational parameters, here goes:

  1. Brief kiss, but not perfunctory. I.e., smile, move in at about the speed elevator doors open and no tongue. It shouldn’t last more than about one second (or maybe two at the outside) unless she makes some obvious sign that she wants it to last longer (e.g., locking her arms around you). OTOH, if she seems to be changing her position to kick you in the chest, that’s a sign it’s lasted too long. Basically, you’re saying, “I’m happy to see you and it makes me feel affectionate.”

  2. It’s a really good idea to use a tongue scraper when you brush your teeth (just in case you don’t know that). If you just don’t have experience with your tongue, just don’t use it, but have your mouth open, no wider than about 0.8" (2 cm), and take your lead from whatever she does with her tongue. I usually don’t have a lot of forward (or downward) pressure on my/her lips, but if my arms are generally embracing a woman, I’m usually pulling her towards me very slightly, with perhaps the same amount of force as the weight of an apple. Incidentally, embracing a woman lightly is a good default starting position. Later in the evening, if you slightly cradle her head while giving her a slower, gentle kiss, you’re probably going to get a very clear reaction or, more likely, a whole series of them. (Actually, it’s not really cradling; just pretending you’re going in blind and are figuring out where her head is in relation to yours by placing your hands lightly behind & below her ears). Many Bothans died for this information.

  3. I slightly agree with others – no one ever got insulted by receiving flowers. However, women (and probably men – I’ve never received flowers) are bound to note that this is sign that you have enough romantic feelings towards her that you figured you’d make yourself that much more nervous by being seen walking down the street carrying a bunch of flowers. This is not a bad thing, but you’re not the only one who’s gone four dates without kissing until the closing moments of the fourth date – she’s been going just as slowly, and there’s the possibilty she’s still figuring things out and might be scared off, but I must emphasize that this is a very small probability. However, I’m going to impose a rule that I expect you to follow: if you bring her any plant matter, don’t bring more than one flower.

Of course, it’s only because I’m bored on a Saturday afternoon that I’m giving you all this detail, somewhat tongue in cheek :); if you just keep your mind blank and be your nervous, inexperienced self, as T2BC suggests, Red Barchetta, Man of Legend will manifest himself at some point, and all this will all just happen.

Don’t give her anything if you don’t feel like it would be appropriate. But, if you like the idea go with it. Especially, if you feel like you are giving her something that you think she will enjoy. “Your favorite color!”

Go with the flow as far as kissing goes. Don’t push too hard, but once you are in the moment everything will move really smoothly and you won’t have to worry about it.

A quick peck on the lips as a greeting wouldn’t hurt, I don’t think. Followed by a smile.

Good luck! And have fun. 6 dates means she likes you and you kissed without having to have a conversation. So, I would say you don’t need to worry about being in the friend zone.

Token disagreement! It seems so arbitrary that a person is supposed to have x experience by x age, and thinking along these lines will only increase the pressure.

I don’t know if it’s very helpful to say you should just let things happen naturally…I mean, of course there’s an element of planning/risk, but, by now, you’re not going to offend her by kissing her, so just wait for a quiet, close moment of eye contact, and give it a try. You can start with a playful little peck and she’ll show you whether she’s game for more. (Just try not to make it out of the blue…I am still totally caught off guard by the Sneak Attack! kiss. Hence the eye contact.)

As for the arm around her at the movies…if you and she are already leaning toward each other, go for it. Just be mindful of the body language.

Anyway, as I said, try not to make these first physical overtures seem like a big deal in your head. If there IS some invisible line between a physical and a non-physical relationship (which I doubt), you’ve crossed it!

For context, I’m a woman. And I cant help but find your questions really really sweet. :stuck_out_tongue:

Is there some particular reason you feel that you need to be such a dick, or is this just your natural personality shining through?


1) What’s the proper greeting etiquette now that I’ve finally kissed her. We’ve been hugging up to the point–stay the course?

My WAG, hug, kiss on the cheek, but take some time during the greeting and go with what feels right. My guess is if she’s uncomfortable with a kiss on the lips she’d turn her cheek on the way in. Have to be on your toes. :wink:

2) Kissing tips! I need 'em! Seeing as I’m horribly inexperienced. The one I did give her felt like a split-second (because I was mentally freaking out).

From my limited experience my “hand on the cheek” approach has gotten positive reviews. And don’t try to swallow her head or anything.

3) Being as our date unfortunately (or fortunately?) falls on Easter eve, should I get her anything? Flowers seems a bit strong, but maybe chocolates or something? Or should I just not worry about it?

I’d score some Easter Lilys. But don’t think anything would be required.

Help me to not screw this up!

I understand the anxiety in the early going, but you’re on your FIFTH DATE. That’s FIVE TIMES she could have done something different with her time and she chose to spend it with you instead. If she disliked you you’d know it by now. Relax.