Permission of kissing. (check in ladies)

After having a short discussion with 3 females I know, I came to the knowledge that on a date most women (all of the ladies the 3 women knew, including themselves) do not preferr a man to ask before he kisses them.

Trying to dig deeper as to WHEN a guy should know wether or not it is the proper time to go in for the big smooch I got answers such as “He should know” “when the time is just right” and other suggestions that I can never make heads or tails of.

So I ask you female dopers to maybe enlighten me upon how us stupid males are supposed to know when is the proper time to kiss you or not?

Please use a dating senario if you need a situational standpoint.

Any other tips and minor hijacks welcome.


I did have a guy ask me once if it was OK, which I thought was very sweet and mildly amusing. (Actually, twice - two different guys - now that I think about it.) Generally, it should be pretty obvious. I know that’s not very helpful; sorry!

The last guy who kissed me didn’t ask, but given that it was something like 3:30 am and we’d spent a large part of the past several hours curled up on my livingroom floor, and the immediately preceding 30 minutes or so with our faces about 3 inches apart, I was beginning to wonder if I’d have to yank him in by the hair or something! (Not that I think guys are required to make the move; it’s just that I, as an individual, am well aware that I am a chicken-shit.)

Here’s a few signs: puckering up, suspicious lip movement, closing her eyes, keeping her face within four inches and or gazing at you intently, tilting her head, fluttering eyelashes, tackling you in a large mud puddle. That last can be pretty subtle, but it’s not rocket science.

I’m not a girl, but I have a pretty good batting average on first kiss approaches (I’m pretty sure that if you get rid of the drunken ones I’m batting 1.000) so I’ll throw in my .02 dollars.

You just KNOW. Okay, I’ll elaborate. There are ways to figure out if they’re cool with that. If they seem cool with you touching their arm, holding their hand, and/or having your faces really close together, then you’ve got a good shot. Don’t worry about finding that perfect moment though. Once a girl is ready for it, she’s ready for it. Wait for a decent pause in the conversation where you’re not talking about something utterly unromantic (like, say, the Holocaust) and make the move. It’s worked well for me so far.

Don’t worry. If you go for a smooch and she doesn’t like it, just tell her she’s driving you crazy, that you tried to hold yourself back but the impluse was overwhelming.

The non-verbal cues should be quite obvious, but you can probe by moving your head closer to hers. If she doesn’t back out, rinse and repeat.

Always go for the kiss. Only “pussies” don’t. If the chick avoids the kiss, she’s either not interested in you, or is an uptight conservative…I avoid them like the plague.

I almost always ask before going for the first kiss. I am notoriously dumb when it comes to picking up on visual cues.

Plus, even if a woman is ok with me touching her, I sometimes feel that it could be more of a “chummy” thing than a sexual thing… so I ask to make sure we’re on the same wavelength.

I’ve had a 100% success rate with this method :wink:

On top of that… I kinda like asking/being asked - it shows a respect for boundaries. I would not want to cross a line that she did not want crossed.

Asking for a kiss? I’m having a hard time imagining a situation in which that would be charming. He just ought to know. If I’m not sending off signals or you’re not able to pick up on my signals, then the kiss is not meant to happen. I’ve gotten pissed when someone has gone in for an unwanted kiss. The first signal is eye contact. If I’ve been looking everywhere but your ugly face all night, I’m not interested. Also it’s startling when you’re checking out a cute guy at the end of the bar and all of a sudden someone’s in your face slobbering all over you.

Shouldn’t this be in IMHO?

LOL. i love it when women say ‘you just know’. They might as well say ‘be able to read my body language & mind, or you are either a pussy or a pervert, depending on which you choose to do’.

I’m trying to look up info on body language of kissing. i can’t find any right now. If i were you i would slowly move in, and if there is resistance back up. If not, move in closer.

here we go

I reckon it’s pretty easy to tell (I’m male). If you find yourselves looking into each others eyes, your faces are close and she’s making no move to back away, her eyes have slight laugh lines and she keeps looking from your eyes to your lips with a quizzical smile, it’s time to kiss.

If you are on the same wavelength, you will know.

If you do not know, then you are not on the same wavelength.

I love this! Sadly, it’s true. A man asking for permission may be a very gentlmanly and chivalrous thing to do, but nine times out of ten it’s a bit effete, and the direct opposite of being “swept off one’s feet.”

That said, an inappropriate, ill-timed and unwanted lurch is a thousand times more unpleasant.

Guys - you just have to be psychic. Sorry.

One of the best kisses I’ve ever received was prefaced with the guy saying “I really want to kiss you right now…is that okay?”

I guess it depends on the situation but in general, I think both parties usually can tell when it’s all right to move in for the smooch.

My first real kiss was a surprise. We’d been friends for months and I was at his house one afternoon (this was in high school) in his room. He just leaned over and kissed me, out of nowhere. It was really sweet. We had a fun few months before he moved away.

I wouldn’t mind being asked, though I never have been. The last “first kiss” with a guy I had was sort of a mutual decision; we both wanted to, but were too chicken for a few minutes, and finally decided to go for it at the same time.

If you are both naked & not in a nudist colony, it’s a pretty safe bet you could kiss her. Hookers might be an exception.

A lady should put her hands on the guys shoulders in front when they are close for the first time & she thinks that he might kiss her. That way she can push him away if he tries to kiss her more than she wants, see? Thus, if shes got her hands on your shoulders, chances are you could kiss her.

What’s with guys putting their hands on a woman’s head so she can’t turn away when he kisses her? Ah, wimps. :slight_smile:

I don’t suppose the woman could just make the first move hmm?

I’ll never ask. It’s lame to ask! Girls want guys with confidence. I think that it’s normally pretty obvious. Just go for it!

WHo cares if the women don’t PREFER to be asked first.

How can they just EXPECT A MAN to know what they are wanting?

THose women you questioned are naive romantics… probably not wanting an equal partner as a mate… but rather, they are waiting for some knight on a horse… some prince charming.

Men are HUMAN… and it’s unacceptable to want them to KNOW what you are thinking and wanting… without ever asking.

Off to IMHO.

Its retorts like “He should Know” and allowing the man to pick up on subtle visual cues (when all he’s really looking at is her cleavage) are the same exact reasons that Sexual Harrassment is so prevalent. The excuses most jerks fall back on are “she was asking for it”, “I knew she wanted me” and “the signs were there”

I understand that no means no. Its the in between clues like a low cut dress, agreeing to go back with you to your apartment, letting you pay for the drink, dinner, movie, ride home and the condom, not slapping you in the face for an obvious sexist remark that puzzles the rest of us.