Sex Advice for a Virgin

If you could tell a virgin (about to embark on that fateful journey) something about their First Time™, what advice would you give them?

Keep a sense of humour - bodies do wacky things when in the throws. (Vagina farts come to mind). If something happens - that’s ok - it happens to other people too.

That no advice will really do it. I lost my virginity at age 16 to a friend, and it was good. A lot of folks lost their virginity at age 20 to the person they eventually married, and it was good. The only generalization I can make is: if the sex is good, losing your virginity is good.

Oh, and: always practice safer sex; use condoms for the prevention of disease and (if applicable) pregnancy, along with water-based lubricant.

I’m not trying to depress you or anything, but first you have to come to terms with the fact that your first time probably won’t be great. Don’t set yourself up and then feel disappointed if it’s not everything you wanted it to be. That’s what first time’s are for- to figure out what you’re doing. Other than that, all I can say is try to relax and not be nervous. This is hard to do, but you’ll enjoy it much more if you relax and allow it to be a good time.

It may not be a big deal. Not not enjoyable… I’m not just repeating what yesterday man said- just not a big deal. I guess it depends what kind of pre-actual penetration activities you’ve been involved in and so forth, but I was expecting… i dunno… some sort of sense of doing something momentous. Of losing my virginity.

But you know, it was just my body doing stuff with someone else’s. It was fun but it didn’t seem anymore significant than anything else; certainly not as important as my first kiss, or the first time I touched a girl’s breast. I wasn’t making a deep spiritual connection, I already had that with her, and it wasn’t the first time we’d pleasured each other. I was just, you know, putting my penis in a vagina. No big deal.

Not saying it’ll be that way for you, but saying its a possibility.


Don’t be on a white bedspread. In fact, use a towel.

Relax, use plenty of lube, it really doesn’t hurt that much. In fact, after the first few thrusts, it don’t hurt at all! :slight_smile: Good times, good times.

Yeah, I’ll give you some advice.

A stiff prick hath no conscience.

But if you do it anyway, take your time. Enjoy one another. If there’s any doubt, don’t do it. It’s great to be experienced, but it’s also great to be a virgin.

What a rush it would be to lose it on your wedding night! Wow. :slight_smile:

Just don’t be afraid to admit that you are very new to it. Take things SLOWLY. If your partner has had more experience than you, by all means let them set the pace a bit. The first person I had slept with had a fair amount of experience in her life and luckily for me was very patient with me. You will pick up on things quickly and suddenly it will become second nature.

I second the towel thing. I ruined my favorite pillow…
And if it’s not good the first time (and for most, it’s not) don’t worry about it. There is plenty of time to have good sex. The first time you do anything, you probably suck at it. Practice makes perfect.

Well, I’m losing my virginity right now (1st posting on this board).

How does it feel? A tinge of apprehension. A slight frisson of excitement. Next thing, it’s all over rather quickly (especially if it’s the guy’s first time) and you think “that was it?”. Then, in the years to come (so to speak), you get to be a real expert.

I would encourage anyone of legal age and sound mind to get rid of it - safely, of course. De-mystify it. Voltaire said something to the effect that humans were the only creatures to see virginity as a virtue.

Now - are you going to tell us how it went? (Tastefully, of course)

Searching for Truth, remember that you will never forget this experience. I’m saying that to say…
Make sure that it is with someone you love and who loves you.

I am assuming here that someday you plan on getting married. Not necessarily with the person you lose your virginity to …so, make sure you will be able to tell your future spouse about how you lost your virginity w/out being ashamed.

I can say that my “first” time was amazing, absolutely amazing! It wasn’t what you see on TV…LOL…but, we both wanted to please the other and we loved each other…and those combined made the experience what it was.

Practical advice…a few things to have nearby…that towel the others mentioned …maybe even a wet cloth…lubrication that is compatible w/ your birth (and disease) control option.

I have been on other message boards and chatrooms where the conversation comes up…Tell about your first time… what do you want to be able to say?

I’m gonna have to disagree with Little Bird, here.[sub]it’s nothing personal, and has absoutely nothing to do with the fact that you’re a bird and I’m a cat…[/sub]

It friggin hurts. Hurts, hurts, hurts. That said, here are some suggestions to keep it from hurting for longer than a few minutes…

Preparation is your friend. So is lubrication. And distraction… at the moment of penetration other things should be going on involving hands and lips.

For the guys… [Biology Professor] The actual barrier is a bit inside, not right at the opening. [/Biology Professor] Therefore, slide in a little til you feel resistance, pause, then push forward quickly in one nice, smooth, motion. FOR GOD’S SAKE, give her a minute to adjust. When she says it’s okay, you can thrust to your heart’s content.

For the girls… if you aren’t uncomfy with it (though that’s a WHOLE OTHER discussion), things go a bit easier if you’re on top.

And I’ll echo some of the other stuff… contraception, contraception, contraception. Get a towel. The earth probably won’t move for you, but the practice is nice. :wink:

Good luck!!


And don’t forget the buttplug.

[sup]Do excuse me. That was way, WAY out of character.[/sup]


Best Advice ?
Ignore everything written here so far…and stop planning.
Loosing your virginity and sex in general is a natural and fun thing to do.(hey 6 Billion can’t be wrong!) If you agonise over details and worry what’s going to happen it may be a negative experience. It’s also intensly personal so comparisons with the experience of others isnt really all that useful.

Enjoy it , take it naturally and don’t stress. If you come up with a convoluted plan for

“okay first I do this”
“then my partner should feel like doing this”
“After that I should do this”
“that might hurt so ill skip to …”

you’ll wind up having clinical sex and that’s not what you need for your first time out.

If you have an understanding and considerate partner in mind so much the better.

Do make sure you are safe but above all remember that it’s meant to be fun.

I’m going to have to disagree with P.W. Doodle on his first point. I don’t think you have to be or should be in love with the person you lose your virginity to. Sex is almost always better when you’re in love with the person but I don’t think it’s a requirement for your first time.

Losing you virginity isn’t how it looks in soap operas. It’s not all candle light and rose petals and two people hopelessly in love and completely devoted to each other who have the most magical night of their lives. <gag> It’s o.k. if you lose your virginity to someone you like or really care about or you’re friends with… you don’t have to be in love with them. I say this because what if, like me, you think you’re in love with them and a couple months down the road you realize you were just infatuated (or in lust) with them. I felt kind of guilty about losing my virginity to him after I realized I wasn’t in love with him… I just wanted to lose my virginity to him so I kind of brainwashed myself into thinking I was in love with him because I wanted my first time to be with someone I loved. I put waaay too much pressure on myself in that aspect.

And, FWIW, my first time sucked. It hurt really bad, I bled all over the white sheets, it hurt to walk for two days, and the sex didn’t last as long as I thought it would. But, if I had it to do over again… I wouldn’t change a thing. He was really HOT! :slight_smile: Also, the more you do it, the better it feels and the more you’re going to want to do it! Just relax and enjoy it. Don’t have any expectations built up in your mind, just do what comes naturally and have fun!

In addition to what everyone else has already said, don’t look at it like it’s the be-all-end-all of human existance. That is, you’re allowed to have fun. The problem I had was that both of us kept it in the forefront of our minds that it was serious business. We didn’t enjoy it as much as we could have (I’m speaking for her, too, since she can’t speak for herself. She died a few years ago). It also probably won’t last that long. My first time didn’t. No one I’ve talked to about this has said otherwise. Just enjoy the being with each other, and keep in mind that you’re allowed to have fun.

I have to third what alice and Superdude said. Sense of humour is key.

The man I credit with being my first taught me this. We have long since parted ways (though we still consider ourselves friends), but I thank him all the time for teaching that it’s OK to laugh in the middle of having sex.

Some of my best experiences in bed since then have been having a laughing fit right in the middle of things and then winding down and finishing up.

I firmly believe that being able to laugh with your partner, under any circumstances, can bring you closer together.

I’m not sure if your male or female, but for women, the first time isn’t like they describe in romance novels and on film. It’s painful as hell, awkward and not a little bit messy. But it gets Oh, so much better :slight_smile:

I’ll split the difference between Little Bird and bobkitty here. It does hurt, pretty badly, but only for a minute. After that it just felt kind of uncomfortable. And it does leave you walking a little funny. Also, not everyone bleeds a lot – I didn’t – but it is a good idea to keep a towel handy. Like others have said, lubrication is indeed your friend.

[Nurse hat on] Contraception and disease prevention are both vital! [Nurse hat off]

Don’t be too nervous, and don’t worry about doing everything “right”. Enjoy each other and have fun. The rest will happen naturally.

One other thing… don’t have missionary sex on a carpeted floor! I did that the 2nd time I had sex and I had 3 rug burns on my back that lasted for weeks. Very painful! I believe a nice comfortable bed would be most people’s first choice for a place to lose your virginity. Back seat of a car might be a close second!