Hmmmm, I like women to be virgins that’s why I leave them that way.
I have to agree entirely with the advice to Take It Slowly. Possibly you won’t be as thoroughly inexperienced and shy as some others (Who, me? No, not me. Never.) , but it helps a LOT to take your time and become comfortable with being naked with your lover, and with being touched in parts you’re not used to having touched. Don’t try to be exotic at first, or giving a false impression of confidence. It weon’t buy you anything. This is supposed to be fun after all, and if you both aren’t enjoying it, then what’s the point?
I am also going to say that being in love with your first isn’t an absolute necessity. I think that being able to trust your first partner in all aspects is more important, and that love would be a nice bonus but not absolutely necessary.
I did not love the person to whom I lost my virginity. I was 19 and not very worldly, he was quite a bit older than I was (almost 40), and a manager where I worked. Neither one of us was under any impression that we were in love with each other, but we trusted each other without question. He trusted that I wasn’t going to turn into a clingy, needy little leech and start planning a wedding, and that I would not use our relationship as a weapon to make trouble for him at work. And I trusted that he would continue to treat me as a valued friend and employee and not like a mindless little piece of ass or give anyone else the impression that I was, either. We remained very good friends, worked together for several years afterwards, and maintained our friendship for several more years after we had both moved on to other jobs and career paths. We had sex exactly once. We rolled around and played on his waterbed for more than two hours before there was any actual penetration. Remember I said I wasn’t very worldly? It took almost the entire two hours before I would let him look at my whole body naked. Parts and pieces up to then, but not the whole thing at once. He brought me to orgasm twice before attempting penetration, so I felt some pressure but very little pain, and there was almost no blood at all. He was so very patient, he let me set the pace, and I think that my experience was absolutely perfect and there isn’t a thing I would change about it if I could even now, 20 years and numerous partners and relationships later. Funny, it just dawned on me that he’s almost 60 years old now.
Ummm-I wasnt going to say anything until bobkitty opened
the floodgates, so let me put another vote in for
IT HURTS LIKE HELL!!!
Only for a little while. And the girl will already be lightheaded and rushed with endorphins, (IF the guy is doing his job!) so the pain is there, kinda removed.
Dont know if the OP is male or female, but either way, try-
hmmm-dont know how to say this without sounding icky and graphic-but try to spend a few weeks getting her as um-open-
as possible with fingers. Play around, masturbate, whatever. It’s much easier if the area is used to stimulation and entrance before the real thing.
handy, I think that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said. 
I second the motion … and kinda wish more people had this attitude.
No, I’m not a prude - but I do think sex is IMPORTANT, or at least it’s supposed to be. And fun. Lotsa, lotsa fun. 
I guess all I have to add is make sure you and your partner really want to do this, with your mind as well as your body. Ideally, your heart, too.
First, check the parts list to make sure all the pieces arrived intact. If pieces are missing or broken contact your the manufacturer dictated by your belief system.
WARNING!!! Remove all loose (and tight) clothing before proceding! Clothing can become entangled in moving parts causing SEVERE discomfort and even DEATH of the moment!!!
- Moisten all tabs and slots thoroughly. Slot “M” (one each per component) and it’s enclosed tab “T” can prove very useful in this step (Fig. 69). Use your imagination.
- Carefully place tab “P” into slot “V”. Yes it will fit. Really.
WARNING!!! Do NOT, under any circumstances, use hammer on tab “P” to facilitate insertion. This WILL void your warranty. - Slowly remove tab “P” from slot “V”. (Not all the way!! Just to…a little more…yes, right there).
- Repeat steps 2-3, gradually increasing speed.
NOTE: Slot “A” can be substituted for slot “V” on most models.
Ummm… I don’t really have anything to add, except, yeah, it hurts, but you don’t really notice that if it is with the right person, under the right circumstances.
Oh, and don’t expect it to be perfect the first time, because it does get better. Oh yeah.
Well, don’t do what I did, which was yell “Jesus Christ! That feels like the biggest goddamn Tampax in the fucking world!” (true, BTW)
It didn’t hurt, and I barely bled. YMMV.
The alt.sex FAQ is good reading on this subject:
http://www.mysexlife.com/sexfaq/shortdex.html . In particular, the “First time - where, when etc” section.
There’s been tons of good advice, and I like all of it. But I also want to echo again what several people have said: don’t expect this to be the greatest, life-changing thing ever. Good sex is an acquired skill. We are not born knowing how to do this well - we have to learn. Most people’s first experience probably goes a lot like this: http://www.sixsixfive.com/39.html . Certanly, go out of your way to make it as enjoyable as possible for everyone involved. But don’t expect fireworks or earthquakes.
Like Dan Savage wrote in http://www.thestranger.com/2001-08-09/savage.html
Your fears are well founded, WNW: On your wedding night, your new husband will most likely find you to be inept–because you will be inept. Sex is a complicated business, WNW, and getting good at it takes time, practice, and experience. People don’t expect to be good drivers the first time they get behind the wheel, or to bake a perfect cake the first time they walk into a kitchen, so why do they expect to be mind-blowing lovers the very first time they have sex?
Anyway, kiddo, there are no sex tips that can make an inexperienced virgin fuck like a seasoned pro on her wedding night. If you can’t bring yourself to run out and sleep with, oh, 50 or so guys before your wedding night, you’re just going to have to embrace and celebrate your sexual ineptitude. Tell your fiancé as often as you can that while you’re looking forward to having sex with him, you’re also nervous about being a virgin. Tell him you’re relying on him to help you become–with time and through trial and error–a mind-blowing lover. If you can keep his expectations in check, he won’t be too crushed by your first inept, awkward, fumbling attempts at sexual intercourse. Good luck!
*
Dan is, of course, being harsher than necessary as usual. But the basic lesson is good. Don’t believe the hype.
-Ben
Depends on who it is. It hurt a LOT for me, I bled for days, and it hurt every time for the next 11 times before I was actually able to have intercourse without pain. I’m little inside.
Being that i’ve only had one BF and perhaps i’m a little biased against the human condition of relationships, and, as i’ve mentioned above ^ more or less…my advice would be that while you don’t necessarily have to love the person, i would strongly advise BEING COMFORTABLE IN THE NUDE around that person. (It’s among the many reasons why i never went for it with my last BF, that’s for sure)
Good luck…
Who ever said I was talking about ME? -looks away- I feel like I’m being thrown a sending-off party of sorts. -shakes head-
Ok, so here’s what I got so far…-looks up from notes-
Searching For Truth’s Virgin Survival Kit™
- sense of humor
- lubricant
- birth control/ protection
Seems to be the most vital of things for the Momentous Occasion™, hm? -rolls eyes and grins-
I’d personally like to take this time to thank each and every one of you who replied- you made me laugh (ok, and cry, just a leetle.) Seems like everyone has something to say, no matter how encouraging or frightening it may be…
Searching, I have no idea what you look like, but you have got to be one of the cutest people on the board. Alex is a lucky guy. No advice, I’m afraid, as I have no firsthand knowledge in this area, yet. Good luck and have fun.
Hehe. Better that than “TAKE IT OUT!, TAKE IT OUT! OWOWOWOWOW!” I’m lucky I don’t have a complex!
That being said, the wisest, ( and perhaps most cynical, but true, true, definetly true ) words on this matter were spoken to me by a female friend of mine, strangely enough just a few days ago:
YMMV
My SO can verify that I’m an itty-bitty person, inside and out, and this was my main concern. (Selfish, I suppose, but I really, really didn’t want it to hurt real bad. -sniffle-)
Like I told him, no torrents of blood or tears. Discomfort, few moments of shocking knuckle-biting pain, but no gut-wrenching terrifying pain pain.
I had no intention of replying anymore to any of this, but oh well. Share the good news, right? -rolls eyes and grins-
You know, Dr. Lao, I’d tell you that you made my day, but maybe getting laid should be the highlight of my day, you think?
[sub]I’d like to take this time to state that Alex is not just a lucky guy. He’s a charismatic, charming, intelligent, sweet, funny, caring, hilarious, witty, sensitive and rather hot individual. Now that I’ve successfully nauseated or brought to tears you, my adoring audience, I’ll shut the fuck up. [/sub]
coughs Despite what Searching says… ahem… “I AM THE LUCKIEST MAN ALIVE!!!” Oh, and did I mention I’m invincible? Mmm… off to sleep. Thanks for being good to her, guys and gals. grin
~ARose
Looks like I’m a little late for the party.
I just wanted to be a dissenting voice to say that it doesn’t hurt for everyone.
For me, it didn’t hurt much at all, a little soreness for a second and that was it. I also didn’t bleed at all.
Also, for me (and I am not generalizing) it was important for me to be in love. And trust him lots.
Yeah, I’d say so. Congratulations guys! It is really great to see a couple happy and in love, especially when it a couple of terrific people.
See? This is what I am talking about. Too cute; I love it.
I don’t know about women, because my first time was with someone more experienced, but for men:
RELAX!!!
Take it slowly, enjoy the feeling, the beauty of the woman, the softness of the bed, the rhythm of passion, and most important: the real pleasure of sex is the pleasure of your partner. It’s taken a while to figurte it out, but everything becomes that much more enjoyable when every movement is accompanied by an orchestra of uninhibited moaning.