:D:p:D Pot, meet kettle. Kettle, meet pot. :D:p:D
Love ya, dude. Seriously. And I’m totally cribbing your “melty man cometh” line.
Holy crap, that’s funny. I will NOT be able to hold it together at my next optometrist appointment!
Not too bad, actually, thanks. No felonious strippers, but a surfeit of redheads, so I really can’t complain.
Me? Overthink things? Why, I resemble that remark 
And, as for the MM, to give credit where it’s due, it’s originally from the hilarious show ‘Coupling’.
I don’t watch much TV, so I had to google Mad Men and found this from Wikipedia:
There must be something missing in the translation. :dubious:
As to my sex life, unless I was traveling with an acrobatic circus and doing the entire cast of characters of the circus, I’m sure that any story I could tell would pale in comparison to yours, so I’ll gratefully (for the lack of drama) and politely decline to answer. 
Talking and laughing while fucking is the best thing, especially the first time.
“mind if I have a taste?”
“you really should bottle this, it smells gooooodddd.”
“do you have to work tomorrow?”
“I think I just broke your bed”
“sorry about your cervix, I’ll buy you a new one”
“and you thought pretzels were salty?”
The first time is probably not going to be intense on a purely sexual level, so you have to laugh a little, that can make it intense.
</John Cleese in The Meaning of Life>
What’s wrong with a KISS, boy? Don’t just go diving in straight for the clitoris! Kiss her!
</JCiTMoL>
Neville: I got a screamer from me grandmum once; it was horrible…
My own personal rule o’ thumb: if you’re not ready to talk about it, you’re not ready to do it.
This one-liner deserves some love. Awesome! Now I’m trying to figure out how I can make it into a joke to tell my boyfriend.
You think that’s bad? Wait until he dilates the vagina.
I’m sure this applies to other dopers, but I have the ‘reverse psychology’ approach to getting laid. All the times I’ve gotten lucky were in contexts of sex being on the last thing on my mind. Not that I wasn’t in the mood, but just because I didn’t think it was going to happen.
If I’m at a club hoping to score with some gorgeous girl there, I’m going to get really shy and nervous because I’m going to be afraid of coming off as a dweeb to everyone with a pair of X chromisomes (and boobies 
).
But if I’m out somewhere, say on vacation or something, just trying to have a good time, not thinking about having sex, sometimes things will amazingly just click into place- I’ll meet someone, we hit it off, yadda yadda yadda.
Enjoying moments for what they are make me a lot more relaxed and confident. Having sex as a goal makes me over-analyze everything I’m doing at that moment.
It isn’t too bad, really, as long as your vagina isn’t exposed to light afterwards. That will make it slam shut faster than a Gringott’s vault.
Wow Atomicktom she sounds hot and like her life is a mess. Dating material, not relationship. And don’t let her know where you live. And don’t piss her off. Hmm.
Dude - I’m sorry, but where is the problem here? If I were you I would arrange a few first sex opportunities - you seem to be well positioned for a few - and pilot-test different approaches to etiquette - learn by doing, I always say…
So using the disco ball strobe light in my bedroom isn’t a good idea? How about if I use the black light bulb? 
Sounds to me like, if you two had hooked up, you wouldn’t have really been calling the shots. I think you had it right in your OP, though. Don’t be boring the first time you get together, but don’t pull out the porn star moves or major kinks right out of the gate. And, of course, be very, very giving.
I tend to have the same track record. Every time I’ve hooked up with a woman the first time, it was unintentional. Seems like she had already planned to have sex with me without my knowledge, and I was the hapless victim 
. Happy, but unaware that this was going to happen.
When I try to make a move on a woman, it usually ends up with me stepping on it somehow. Hell, the only mack I have in my body is McDonald’s.
Makes me recall a woman I dated in my early 20’s. We had been friends for about 9 months and went out drinking together all the time. Had plenty of late nights sitting around talking about deep personal issues, getting to know each other and what not. I thought we were building a great friendship. One night we came home from barhopping and were in her bedroom when she stated that she was going to change clothes and I should avert my eyes. I busied myself browsing through her CD collection and when she said I could turn around, she was naked on top of the covers on her bed. Then she asked me what I wanted to do.
It was at that point that I got the hint. We dated for years after that, and we are still friends to this day, despite being apart by about 2000 miles.
So if I go out on a hot date would a good strategy be to inform the woman that before she gets her hopes up, I will not have sex with her tonight?
It’ll probably break the ice with a good laugh if nothing else (but you have to say “putting out”).
I’ve tried that line and all it was good for was a laugh. :(
A girl tried it on me, it worked!
Guess it only works on dudes.