Explaining facts of life....

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

Sorry, Mel and UDD…

I’m not suggesting you talk about the changes going on in their bodies, I’m suggesting you tell them the facts of life - from how intercourse is performed, its ramifications (sorry, I could not resist) to homosexuality, STD’s and the meaning and importance of love in the process. It does not have to be a “discussion” at all. You talk, they listen and ask questions if they need to. The information you impart is all the “fruitful” you need. Give them the straight dope, fer chrisesake and leaven your talk with the wisdom they so desperately need.

Geeze, experts can’t think of everything either, but that does not mean they shouldn’t impart the knowledge they do have. I consider myself quite more the “expert” than little Johnny down the block or Sister Mary Elephant, not only in the sense that I have the facts, but it is my set of moral values I wish to instill, not theirs. I would suggest that any parent undertaking “the talk” be thoroughly prepared - don’t leave out important information, period. It’s not that difficult.
Maybe the child will not ask you all the things he or she may really want to know - but at least they will have a firm foundation of fact to base their own search for knowledge on. And research, they will.

I just don’t understand why people keep manufacturing excuses for not communicating openly and honestly with their children.

22

It seems that you are continuing to be under the impression that we are saying that books are supposed to be a replacement for talking to your children. I thought it was clear that we are saying that books are intended to be a supplement. My main point is that I consider books to be an essential supplement. I think that not supplementing a child’s sex education with books will be denying them a lot of knowledge.

23

Ah-ha, now I see. We (that is, you and I, Nickrz) are talking about two different issues here. I am talking about puberty (which what I assumed Trumpy was asking about with his references to a ‘growing boy’) and you are talking about the, um, rest of the facts of life.

As for: “I just don’t understand why people keep manufacturing excuses for not communicating
openly and honestly with their children.” Hmmm, I guess this is as good a time as any to broach this subject: perhaps it’s because those of us who are arguing with you are, um, younger and don’t have any kids. And remember acutely those squirmy discussions with our parents on the subject? Just a possibility to throw out there. . .

24

It’s me again. Didn’t think I was going to open such a can o’ worms! Melatonin was right in that I want to teach my son about why things are happening to his body. He’s been taught that his body is his property and about not letting strangers touch him in inappropiate ways or places and so forth. He definitely likes the ladies though. He attends the school my wife teahces at and he was always a big hit with the cheerleaders!

So anyway, that was the jist of my original post. Thanks for replies.

25

When I first asked sexual questions, my mother literally threw the book at me. I think I was about five years old. It had a full size picture of a human egg, reproduced without copyright violation at the end of this sentence.

The book explained the mechanics and hygiene fairly well. It completely skipped the psychology. It never mentioned pleasure. I thought “gee, people must be pretty desperate to go through all this just to have children”.

I’ve talked to my children, and they know they can ask me anything, but they seem to find the subject too embarassing. Or maybe they are just not interested.

I never considered waiting until they were 10.

26

Uh… toning down the rhetoric a bit, what I said goes for any subject, as far as I’m concerned. I have no objection to supplementing your remarks with reading/looking material - but rather than buy them a book, make sure they know how to use the computer or the Dewey Decimal cards at the library. Two lessons in one, and imagine all the fun they’ll have later looking up books for pictures of naked people.

27

That’s what shady older cousins are for, Trumpy? <g> Seriously, I learned the facts of life at age 7 from my cousin, who was 5 years older. She knew a lot for her age, but that’s probably a bad thing, because she ended up having a shotgun wedding at 19…
Seeing that I’m a teenager still, there will probably always be questions that I don’t know answers to, and I know that my parents could probably answer any questions that I have. However, I also know that they’d probably be more mortified than I! So I don’t ask many questions. I can always find books to read, and there are a lot of resourceful people online to ask (I don’t know why I put my life in the hands of people I don’t know, but it’s like asking a parent without the initial embarrassment of the person being your parent.

My 2 cents…

Welfy

I wonder what the king is doing tonight?

28

Only you know if your kid has the gutz or smarts to hear this kind of stuff, regardless of age.

Circumstances will dictate when the conversation should take place and how far the info should take you.

In the case of our daughter, she was 8 when my wife explained the whole thing to her. This was because my wife discovered she was pregnant, and wanted our daughter to understand what was happening and why. Some people would consider 8 to be too young, but since we had a case-history developing right in front of her, and since we know she’s a smart cookie, it seemed right to explain everything.

Funny thing is, a day or so after the “Talk” we were riding along, and something brought up the baby in mom’s tummy. My wife asked Lindsay, “So how did the baby get there?” Lindsay replied she didn’t know. When Barb reminded her that she had explained all that, she replied “That’s what I don’t understand. If you and Daddy didn’t do that, how did the baby get there?”

Barb replied, “That’s the point, we DID do it.” Lindsay was quiet for a moment, then, with perfect comedic timing, she replied, quite earnestly, “Oh, Mama, you’re gross!”

One word of advice, seriously, is only to give kids what they ask for in a situation like this. Whatever they don’t understand, they’ll usually ask about. You don’t have to cover everything you know about the subject, because it’s more than they need to know, want to know, or can handle knowing. It’s sorta like that joke about the guy who responds to his kid’s question about where he came from with a detailed explanation of reproduction, only to have the kid say, “No, Jimmy said he came from Milwaukee. I wanted to know where I came from.”

Good luck, in any case.

The Dave-Guy
“since my daughter’s only half-Jewish, can she go in up to her knees?” J.H. Marx

29

Books.

WHERE DID I COME FROM?

WHAT’S HAPPENING TO ME?

www.amazon.com Books.

30

Depends on the doctor, and how well the childs relates to him/her. A friend of mine (Really! I got my own childhood sex education from Mom the RN - at age 7, incidentally, so 10 is not too young, even if I did think at the time Surely you can come up with a better story than that)Anyway, a friend of mine complained to me bitterly that her parents’ sex education consisted of taking her to her pediatrician. His contribution was So what do you want to know? And there they sat in silence.

On the other hand, other friends of mine (as teenagers) detailed sneaking off/going with parental blessing to Planned Parenthood for educational sessions. However they got there, they were pleased to talk to an knowledgeable adult who didn’t freak out over details of what they had done or were wondering about doing.

31

Well I’m 13 and I figure that if kids are going to learn, better let them learn what they want. I learned about the actual process (I mean all the way down to chromosomes and genes, Thank God my mom’s a Medtech)in the car when I was about 7. We learned it as a class in 5th grade (Thankfully i was out of town when we were assigned “the talk” [ALL KIDS PREFER THE BOOK TO THE ACTUAL TALK.]The kids probably will be more emmbarassed talking about the topic than you will. Get a book or let the kid have access to a dictionary, encyclopedia, internet just something to get them familiar to all the terms and kinds of it. No person can know too much. Kids are exposed to a LOT more explicit content than you think (most of the time they’re not looking for it) I get a lot of junk email advertising sites like that (I delete them all. But all those sites don’t affect a kid at all. Zero change.) Kids mostly become interested around 3rd or 4th grade and already know the external parts and how its supposed to feel. (They don’t go out and try it. That’s where the “joys” come in. It’s mostly a need to satisy an urge and after a few years it will pass. The 95% of all guys… thing is probably true. It’s no big deal, It’s not hurting anyone. So leave it be. If you think your kid is doing it, they probably are, so just leave them in their bedroom and don’t ever come in w/o knocking. (Ask something like “Can I come in?”) Just don’t worry about it, plus a lot of things kids hear on the street are true. So if you are considering talking to them about the subject, talk about it as mature as you can, (We still wish that you would just buy a book.) and make sure you explain everything, every kind, way, toys, and gratification. Also talk about the STD’s and pregnancy, consider waiting til marriage. (What i’m doing) And Yes, some kids are having it at a young age but those are the people that act like sluts or try to show off. Just make sure your kids don’t act like that. You just have to face the facts, Kids probably know more about sex than you do. 'nuff said

32

I doubt it, Sporty. :slight_smile: I appreciate your post, nonetheless.

33

The Life Cycle Library is a collection of 4 books, and it’s a good one at that. I don’t remember the publisher or copyright date, but Barns and Nobel can give you an idea if it’s still available.

–Kalél
(The Original EnigmaOne)
Common ¢ for all ages.

34

Books AND talking. Let your kids know that you’re there, for any and all questions. And inquire of them once in a while, when you suspect they may be ready to ask, but a little too embarrased to actually approach you. I remember my mom bringing home a copy of “Our Bodies, Ourselves,” and sort of casually leaving it out. I asked her quite timidly if I could look at it. She said “Sure, honey, and if you have any questions, just ask.” I asked a few, and she answered honestly. I appreciated that.

On a lighter note, I also remember my dad bringing home a copy of Playboy, with Pamela Sue Anderson on the cover. Being a HUGE Nancy Drew fan, I asked my dad if I could see it. He let me (and my brother as well), but he DID tell me what Playboy was about…BEFORE I saw my heroine in the buff. What effect did that have on me, you ask? Made me want to be a centerfold, just like Nancy Drew. :slight_smile:

35

This isn’t really about teaching sex to kids, but I am reminded of the funniest, coolest book to teach kids about an uncomfortable subject that I ever saw. It was called “Everybody Poops” and it was a series of the cutest drawings and explanations about pooping, both human and animal. Really cute.

Perhaps the authors should create another book: “Everybody Fucks”. Arf.

Stoid…just breezin’ by

36

Wow, hey! Look at the judgemental attitude! Lovely. I lost my virginity at 16, does that make me a slut/show off? I’d been dating the boy for over a year and a half, and we thought we were going to get married someday…

>^,^<
“Cluemobile? You’ve got a pickup…”
OpalCat’s site: http://fathom.org/opalcat
The Teeming Millions Homepage: fathom.org/teemingmillions

37

I think he meant young, as in his age. I can see having sex at 16, but 13 IS very young, and the kids doing it at that age definitely have some mental problems.

38

Our parents told us about sex in the plainest terms they could muster, although the three of us kids giggled a little: “The male peepee goes into the female peepee,” etc. My brother and sister and I apparently put this information away, at the time, in our young mental file boxes and paid attention to normal kid stuff. (My brother and sister both later married and brought kids into the world; my brother three, my sister two.)
More seriously, when my own younger brother (13 years younger than I) was in the 3rd grade I told him where babies come from–in very plain language, too. As time passed, he married and had three kids of his own. (His own father was the kind of drunkard who didn’t deserve kids and wouldn’t put forth a damned bit of effort to raise his own kid.)