Here’s one I know I got from my mother.
When I see that I’ve done something dumb that I could easily have avoided, like, say, just for example, making two really simple spelling errors that fair jump off the page after posting, I say: "Well, that wasn’t too bright. "
In my ongoing effort to clean up my language, I’ve started using several made up curse words such as “Frick” and “Farkel”
Frick is more of an exclaimation, as in “Aw, frick! I think that’s my transmission lying the road back there!”
Farkel is more a verb, as in “Don’t let the baby smoke. He’ll farkel up his lungs.”
“Razzen-frazzen” is a Yosimite Sam-ism I use, too.
I also use “scoatch” to indicate a small quanity. “I’ll take a scoatch more scotch, please.”
I also do not use duct tape, but grey tape holds the world together.
A friend of mine and I were housemates for seven years…we had our own language and we still talk in code…
I didn’t do it on purple! (I didn’t do it on purpose)
Smirkingly (certainly)
So-and-so would shit blue trees if such-and-such happened
That’s imported (important)
Do you own a white car? (for when bad news is in the offing, based on a real phone call she received one Saturday morning from the county police: they had found her abandoned car sunk to the hubcaps in the middle of a golf course)
Her fur is seriously separated (for upset, referring to my cat who really did get separated fur when she was upset).
It’s comin’ (after a dog of hers who would look up at the sky indefinitely waiting for a ball-in-a-sock to be thrown)
Quelle frommage! (instead of quelle dommage)
S/he is “lookin’ funny out her/his eyes” for someone who is strange
British, yea, but that arrangement sounds good 
I think that was his name…
When I find myself beginning to use the s-word in an inappropriate environment I always change it to Shitake mushrooms.
I don’t know if anyone but me says “fudge-nut-cookies” as a substitute for the “F” word.
My dad says “sangy” in place of the word “sandwich” - he’s from Michigan, is that where he got it from, I wonder?
Mine aren’t HORRIBLY orignial… I say “thats horrible” to something fuuny/gross(as in “hey, mm8b, guess what I just did? I put peanut butter in all drews underwear!” so its funny, but… mean. Or instead of saying “that sucks” I say “that makes me sad.”
I sometimes use the term ‘pusholine’ for gasoline, I have no idea where I picked that up, but I have used it forever. People look at me kind of funny when I say it.
I frequently use the phrase ‘pieces of shit’ when I am irked at something. I have a mild turretts when I get irked 
My wife is responsible for several things we say that probably no one else does. When we’re full after supper, we are blarf. If we’re too full, I contributed blarff, pronounced “blarfuf” - this on the premise that in music theory, if something is loud, it’s Forte, or f. Louder is ff.
Any product made of chicken is a “chicken thingie” except for popcorn chicken bites, which I refer to as “chicken rocks” because I broke a tooth on one.
Her dad has a bunch of odd expressions. For instance, the kitty litter box is called “the cat shit doober tray.” If I think of more, I’ll post again.
the things people google. it never ceases to suprise me.
Did you know you were speaking Japanese? “Sukoshi” (pronounced “skoshi” – the “u” gets sort of swallowed, and the “i” is subject to disappearance, as well) means “little bit” or “small.”
Of course, there was that old jeans commercial (Levi? Lee?) – “and a sukoshi more room in the seat.”
Unless of course, this is not the derivation of your word, and I’m just being a jerk. Wouldn’t be the first time! 
My friends and I quote that all the time! We’ll be doing some boring, pointless activity, and if someone says something that even remotely sounds like 27… We bust out into song: “27! 37! Whatchoo say?” We even have one of the Calc. teachers quoting it! It’s great fun.
haha
I say “Oh my pip!” once and a while. I think it started while I was talking to a friend online and i put OMP instead of OMG, and as to not seem dumb I said the P stood for Pip, my since deceased rockin’ guinea pig. RIP Pip
I also say rockin’ a lot, though I know I didn’t make it up.
Also, when people ask me who did something I will immedity say Bob Dole. Like once I said this to a teacher
Teacher: Who invented the printing press?
Me: Bob Dole?
laugher from the class
I also say dur a lot. Instead of duh. I am known for saying it in a loud and annoying voice like DUUUUUR. I don’t think I made it up though. I can’t remeber where I got it, I just started saying it. I am the only known one to start it I think. Others say it, but they got it from me. 
Oh, I say toodle pip a lot, but I got that from you guys, when I asked what pip pip for now meant. I just say it is a british thing. I am known for loving the brits.
I’m with you that it should be spelled blarff, but shouldn’t it be pronounced “blarfissimo”?
Actually, we say that sometimes, too! And if we’re not quite full, we’re just blar.
Actually, I read an article a while ago, in the Boston Globe of all places, about online gaming, and the lingo used by gamers. I guess the word for someone who deliberately does stupid things to ruin the game for others is a “smacktard”.
So I thought up of a viariant: Spanktard.
I’m not sure what a spanktard is. I think I’ll know one when I see one. Then I will say, “you, sir, are a fucking spanktard.” It will just feel right. The meaning will be clear.
Spanktard.
Yeah.
So, by extension, if you’re actually hungry, you should be “blarp,” and if you’re really starving, you should be “blarpp,” pronounced, of course, “blarpissimo.”
Perhaps I’m too literal-minded…
I like that one. I’m not sure what it means, though. Can you provide a sample usage?
Folks here in Portland use “on crack” all the time to mean crazy or wrong: “I think that hot girl with the tattoos at the record store has a crush on me.” “Dude, you are so on crack.”
And we also use “sketchy” or “sketched-out” to mean pretty much the same thing you use it for: “Did you see that totally sketchy tweaker dude who was playing video poker for, like, six hours straight?”
Hmm here are mine
I use happy pants to refer to way too excited people , such as “Look here, Happy Pants, you need to back off and get a grip”
I also use Holy Cats!! as a sort of Robin from Batman and Robin exclamation and I always get a surprised response from my coworkers on that one.
And one more, strictly applying to my department at work, is to be MILO’d- meaning Missing In Larry’s Office which is what happens if someone has the unfortunate luck to have to speak with our department VP. Larry is like the ever ready bunny, he keeps going and going- for hours.