My dad always told me to “use my head for something other than a hat rack”.
Instead of using the word “hell”, my mother would ask me “What the ‘ham and eggs’ are you doing?”
She also said to me, “You’ve got more… (excuses, problems, etc.) than ‘Cod Livers’ got pills” or something like that. I never did know what she was talking about. Anyone know who ‘Cod Liver’ was?
What expressions did your parents say to you? '.
Moving this to MPSIMS, as there is really not a factual question here.
samclem GQ moderator
That was probably "More X than Carter has little liver pills, which I assumed was about Jimmy Carter, until I found out about Carter’s little liver pills
When I said “I Want X”, my mother would reply with “People in hell want ice water”. I don’t think much of her as a mother.
Well, Cod Liver Oil was an extract (from cod livers; go figure) that was high in essential vitamins (A &D primarily) and was used as a spoon-fed dietary supplement for children to stave off rickets, back when. I think it tasted horrible, which is probably why someone eventually figured out how to put it in pill form.
Whenever us kids screwed up, my Dad would shake his head wearily, and simply say, “Well, you can’t put the shit back in the mule.”
:smack: Could I get a mod to fix my bracket, please?
If I ever said something like, “We’re going to go play out in the snow!” my dad would say, “You have a mouse in your pocket?” Meaning, you may be going out there, but I’m staying in here by the warm fire. I always thought that was hilarious.
My mom used to say that one too. And when I’d say “I wish…” I’d get “if wishes were horses”.
Still she was cool.
I really can’t remember HOW this came about in the conversation, but she also taught me “It ain’t the size of the ship, it’s the motion in the ocean.”
My mom got me used to going to funerals very early on in my life, so I wouldn’t fear the dead like she does. Anyway, she always told me, “It’s not the dead you have to worry about. It’s the living!”
So true.
Oh oh. When my kids want something they can’t have I tell them “Tough noogies.” I hope I’m not screwing them up.
I am also teaching them the phrase “Shut your cake hole.” when they are talking too much at dinner and not eating. They think it is hilarious, and I am eagerly awaiting the time they use it in public.
The only thing my Dad was known to say was “Hate war, hate poverty, hate injustice, don’t hate X” where X was the latest thing I said I hated, such as soggy french fries.
A couple of times when I was struggling to do something I found difficult, and my mom would tell me to hurry up and do it already, I’d whine, “I’m TRYYYING!!” To which she would exasperatedly mutter, “Yes, you’re VERY trying.”
I didn’t get that one until I was about 23. (She doesn’t remember saying it. I thought it was MY job to block out my childhood!)
When we got home from somewhere and pulled the car into the garage, my mom would say, “Home again, home again, jiggety jig.” Bet she doesn’t remember that one either.
I love this!
" How do you like them apples" basically meaning, I just handed you your ass on a silver platter, you whippersnapper. I’m proud to say that my 7 year old uses that phrase alot.
This is simply awesome. I’m stealing it, with compliments to your dad!
My dad, brother, and I all have a very loving and affectionate habit of calling each other morons. And I don’t know if I’ll ever find out how this started, but now we do not call each other morons–we call each other “moroons”.
Yes, we’re weird, so what? 
Your mothers were sweetness and light compared to mine. All my "I wish"es were answered, “Well, wish in one hand and shit in the other, then tell me which hand fills first.”
When we (five) kids were being a pain, we’d sometimes hear, “I’m gonna pull your head off and throw it at your dying body!” Rarely, if ever, did that fail to get a laugh out of at least one of us.
When the house was a mess, Mom had two phrases: Everything was strung “from Cape Cod to Pecos” or “from hell to breakfast.”
Oh, and when we were kidding around with Dad and one of us would get off a particularly smart-ass remark, he’d say, “Why, I’ll frog [poke] your eyes out!”
When we left the driveway on a trip, my father would always announce:
“And we’re off like a herd of turtles!”
I still say that. Cracks up the folks in the car with me.
“If beggars were choosers, then horses would ride.” I wrote that one myself.
My dad was impatient with the speed of my…everything. He called me Stepin Fetchit. I knew he was insulting me, but I didn’t get it until years later. I had never seen any of Mr. Fetchit’s movies. He was a great comic actor, and Dad was bashing me with his onscreen persona.
"Huh? Pull a pig’s tail, and he’ll say ‘Uh huh.’ "
“Hey? Hay’s for horses.”
“Well? That’s a deep subject.”
Our parents were so witty. :rolleyes:
Often, when I started a statement with the words “I want…”, my father would say…
Dad- “How old are you?”
Me- “Seven.”
Dad- “Then you’re old enough that your ‘wants’ won’t hurt you.”
Regardless of my age, that was an appropriate response in his estimation.
When I was little, whenever we’d ask what was for dinner, my mom’s jokey-cranky response would be “crabs and ice water!” (i.e. basically nothing).
When I’d call out for my mom, she’d say, “That’s my name, don’t wear it out!”
My dad has an expression passed down from his father for a fake or wimpy sounding illness: “Australian Creeping Moopus”.
My mom has a similar expression to C3’s dad’s, except it’s a frog in the pocket.
There are a lot more that I can’t think of at the moment. For the majority of the weird expressions my parents use, I don’t know if they’re common sayings, cultural references, vestigial Yiddishisms, or what.
My mother would always refer to my siblings and me as “the children of the corn,” as in “come on children of the corn, time to go shopping” (or whatever).
I learned a couple years ago that the children of the corn were a religious cult in the Stephen King short story of the same name. This cult of children was fond of killing their parents, and all adults in general. I asked my mother if she was aware of this, and she said she had never heard of the short story, or the resulting movies. She said she didn’t remember why she started calling us that.
I then, of course, had to go out and watch the film adaptation and 6 terrible sequels. Fun stuff.
She still calls us the children of the corn for some reason.