Reading comprehension much? I didn’t think so. :rolleyes:
Did you not read my suggestion that the site be reported to the Facebook AUTHORITIES?
Beyond that, the more important thing, IMHO, is to not act like a victim in these type of situations. Sure there are some benefits to being the victim:
Attention and validation
You don’t have to take risks
Don’t have to take responsibility
It makes you feel right
But, again, IMHO, the better approach is to have some self esteem and be the bigger person.
My God, all we know is that this kid got made fun of on the internet. It’s not like he was gang raped in an alley. I am assuming that he disagrees with whatever the Facebook page says. Be the bigger person and move on.
Your posts sound like you have a huge chip on your shoulder. You might want to take it off, walking around would probably be alot easier.
I agree that you did suggest going to the authorities. It is certainly true that the victim will need help dealing with it, but the whole “shrug it off and don’t be the victim” philosophy is nothing more than really bad pop psychology. The victim needs to have a reason to feel empowered.
I don’t have a chip on my shoulder, but you are right that I take this issue very personally. Defamation at that age is IMO the worst kind of bullying. I don’t know if the victim is in highschool or college, but either way it is likely that he shares a class, group or interest, where the people he is in contact with are also “in on it”. Some of them may be “in on it” simply because they believe the crap being spewed, others may be more consciously part of it. Sometimes they start out as one and end up the other. One way or another, it makes working cohesively impossible, and working in a group is often essential This leads directly to bad grades or bad performance. The older the victim is, the more permanent the consequences.
Bullying is about power, and the only encouragement a bully needs is the atta boy from his peers. Defamation justifies the behavior to those who don’t know. The “just shrug it off” attitude in this country needs to change.
Like the OP said, the bully in this case has created a Facebook group. This is actually a pretty dumb move since the victim has found out about it. He may not be able to view the page himself, but he has evidence that it exists. He should record everything, because every last bit of evidence is essential. In my experience, the bully usually attempts to feign innocence as a defense. If he can somehow view the page and the people that are members, it is even better.
Record everything for what purpose? You have yet to suggest to the OP any sort of concrete steps her son should take. Most of your posts are rants of someone with their hair on fire over victims’ feelings.
Would you seriously propose that the OP’s son file some sort of civil libel case against his internet tough-guy bully?
Oh and since the OP has yet to respond further as to the nature of the defamation that has occurred…my best guess (and that’s all I got) is that it has to do with some sort of name-calling. Seriously how else could a facebook group defame some 17 year old?
It’s difficult to tell what the situation is, since the OP has not clarified. Records are in case the situation continues to escalate. Records are power, and yes, a civil libel case is indeed warranted if it can be proved. I don’t know why you call the bully a tough-guy. This isn’t the Karate Kid. I’m not even certain that the bully is male.
Frankly, I think that the victim is doing everything he can already. He’s reported it. Until society learns to take this sort of thing seriously, they will likely brush it off. We need to quit handing out bad advice like “don’t be a victim”.
Sorry this happened to your son. I am assuming that your son is gay, when you say “posts his sexual orientation”. Is he “out” to his friends? Not being gay, I can’t identify with that particular situation, but if your son is gay, so what if its posted on there? He should be proud of who he is. Unfortunately, being a bigot is not a crime. And your son is going to face prejiduce his entire life.
This is what I mean about not being a victim. Your son needs to accept himself and not give a damn if someone puts his sexual orientation out there.
WRT to the stalking thing, your son should tell his 19 year old buddy, to take down the site or he will be filing a civil lawsuit against him. Get a lawyer friend to send a threatening letter.
Well, possibly the disagreement isn’t all that bad. I take particular issue with the language of “don’t be a victim”. As far as I am concerned, it implies that the victim is doing something to “be a victim”. It inherently implies the victim is at fault IMO. The victim is absolutely not in any way at fault. The behavior that needs to be modified is not that of the victim. The behavior that needs to be modified is that of the bully.
However, we do need to acknowledge that in today’s environment, it is very difficult to exert strong influence on the behavior of the bully. This is the environment that I strongly disagree with and will very forcefully try to change. In the words of MLK, "In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends. " But you can’t change this environment simply by pretending it doesn’t exist. Rather than telling the victim “don’t be a victim” we should empower the victim to take back his rights from the bully.
When the bully starts to see negative consequences to his actions, he will change his behavior real fast. He may stop the bullying or he may escalate it. Either way the bully is no longer in complete control of conditions, and the victim has power. Either way, the victim wins.
The victim of an asteroid strike is not in any way at fault. When two people interact there is a certain amount of responsibiity on both parties.
The “victim” mentallity is one where a person whines and demands other people change their behavior. In my experience one cannot change the behavior of others. Good luck with your life if you think otherwise.
So, according to you, bullies can get others to change their behavior, but not victims. Bullies may have certain cue that tell them someone is vulnerable, that in no way suggests that the victim is any way at fault. The victim is indeed getting hit with an asteroid.
You can definitely change the behavior of a bully. It’s the attitude that we can’t change it that is the problem. When the bullying starts resulting in negative consequences, the bullying will stop. Bullies only continue on when they can do it with impunity.
How do you get bigoted racist homphobic people to stop saying bigoted racisct homophobic comments?
Except in certain situations, the workplace, school, it is not against the rules or laws to act out in a bigoted, racist or homophobic manner. So what negative consequences do you propose be inflicted upon these bigoted racist homophobic people that would get them to change their behavior? Concrete examples please.
Nope. A bully isn’t inside anyone’s head. How one reacts is entirely his choice.
What negative consequences could occur that don’t already? People who are bullies are known to be so - in general they are seen as assholes and avoided.
I’m not talking about bigotry. That too is a societal problem, but bullying is a specific instance. It may not be based on bigotry either. You can’t make the bully like the victim, but you can make them leave them alone.
Your thinking of schoolyard bullies. In my experience bullies are often quite well liked by the people in charge. That is part of what gives them power. Then, when no one is looking, they act out on the victim. That is what is so important about records. The bully can no longer pretend he/she is innocent, and the administration can no longer live in denial that their favorite student/employee is a monster.