Yeah, have someone that cares what’s going on in your life. This perhaps applies more to men than women, since women tend to be closer to their female friends, whereas men drink beer with their friends and argue about sports.
Also, good luck finding somebody with whom to travel. Again, this applies more to men; it’s not unusual for single women to go on vacation together, but it’s all but unknown for men.
As to needing to be a part of a couple etc–I would think it depends on where you live.
Here in Midwest suburbia-almost everything is couples oriented and family oriented. There is also the strange phenom (not experienced by me, but relayed to me via girlfriends) of the newly single mom being shunned by former friends who remain couples. I don’t know if that stems from the “divorcee” stereotype or what, but it happens. I can easily imagine it happening to the newly single man as well.
I’m 47, a successful engineer with multiple master’s degrees, and have never married (although I came pretty close once).
I am quite happy with several no-strings relationships with women my age. (When I was younger, I felt much more anxiety as I got older without a wife. I think there’s a lot of peer pressure on both men and women to ‘prove’ their desirability by attracting a worthy mate. But as any advertising exec can tell you, peer pressure works better on the young).
Such arrangements are clearly more acceptable to women my age than younger ones: most of the women I date have been married and divorced, and aren’t looking for a bread-winner or father.
I honestly believe I would not have been as happy married as I am single. I like my space – I’ve gotten to spending a lot of time on my music, which would probably have to be curtailed if I settled down. Whether I’m inherently like this, or have merely learned to adapt to my circumstances, I don’t know.
This is really a confluence of both men’s and women’s issues, changes in some social roles, and differences in economic realities that social structures haven’t fully adapted to yet.
It’s a social reality that more women “marry up” than men. This holds in every culture I’m aware of, which makes me think it’s probably part of how human women behave. That means that this tendency can only be influenced by culture, not changed completely. In today’s world, more women are able and willing to go for higher education, they have better job prospects themselves, and they are socially conditioned to use a pretty stringent set of criteria for choosing a mate.
I’m not surprised at all that working class men in their 40s are finding it hard to find a woman to marry. First, there are few women in their social class who are available. Lower to lower-middle class people tend to marry earlier and are more likely to have more than one child. That means that even if they get divorced, they’re probably going to still be in their 30s and will probably have at least one, and perhaps two or three kids. Anybody in his age bracket is probably going to be remarried, anyone younger is already married or recently divorced, with kids.
Many bachelors are not willing to deal with her ex’s kids along with their own future offspring (another at least partially biologically-determined behavior) and quite a few of the guys we’re talking about wouldn’t be capable of supporting a family of great size, even given the child support and/or alimony she might be receiving from her first boyfriend or husband. Compounding this, a woman who has just gotten out of a relationship is probably looking for even more security than she had before, to make her feel safe and able to care for her children, so she’s going to want to look for someone better than her ex, even if this is an unrealistic expectation on her part. This might make her overlook an otherwise good prospect.
One of the traditional mating strategies — finding a woman who is much younger who is also looking for marriage — is now socially discouraged. Many people would consider a guy in his 40s looking for women in their early 20s to be predatory. Really, though, even in our present society, many women of all social classes want to get married by their mid-twenties. It’s not just that many men are looking at that age bracket (due to perceived sexual attractiveness, availability, or whatever) but that the women themselves go through stages where they value marriage more than autonomy, or that they are at a place in their lives where marriage requires less of a lifestyle change. By their early 30s, both men and women are more independent, more set in their ways, and may not really want a lot of change in their lives. That attitude has an impact on whether or not they consider marriage to be a good thing to do or not.
For all you single older guys out there, prospects are not completely bleak. There are women out there who are interested in knowing you. The trick is to find them. It’s one of those simple yet very difficult things. Dating advice doesn’t vary much. Internet dating is one prospect. Find something that you’re interested in and try to meet women who share your interests. This is a bit harder for bachelors since guy interests and girl interests rarely coincide, but it’s doable. Basically, find where the women are and find something to provide an in with them. Like Tuckerfan said, this article isn’t the authority on everything, and your situation may be completely different from those of the men in the article.
Don’t refuse to consider an international marriage. Mail-order bride or otherwise, sometimes the exotic and unknown factors can make you a better prospect than otherwise. I’ve seen quite a few guys in Japan with women who would probably be out of their league if it weren’t for gaijin power. Not all of them will get married, and not all of the marriages will work out (the failure rate for international marriages is a bit higher than the norm) but it provides some possibilities that might not otherwise exist.
Consider taking some language lessons in order to meet women who are in your country to learn your language. Some of them are undoubtedly looking for foreign husbands. Not necessarily for a green card, but just because they want better or different prospects from their home country. Believe me, all my bitching in other forums aside, Japan is a first-world country and Japanese women have no real economic incentive to marry outside Japan, but Western men are often seen as an attractive prospect even when the woman still has good odds of marrying a decent Japanese man. If she’s in her mid-thirties or older, is a bit “odd” by Japanese standards, or doesn’t come from the best family, she might be even more inclined to marry a gaijin. That’s just one country among many you might be able to work up an interest in.
Makes me glad that at 27 I’m already a Dad and am just about to start on a part time undergraduate degree 
Forbes listing of the best cities for singles. Perhaps relocating is in order for some of us?
I’m already in #9! Wo0t! 
Maybe… but I have two Masters degrees and my boyfriend has no degrees and drives a tractor trailer. We get along great because we have complementary dispositions and enjoy a lot of the same stuff. That’s more important to me than his educational history.
I actually prefer to date working class men to dating guys who have spent a long time in college. Could be because I grew up working class and those are the people I relate to on a cultural level; could be because I have the over-educated thing nailed down and would rather date a guy who can fix a sink or a car or put down a wood floor instead. I loved college but it’s not for everyone, and it’s no comment on the quality of the person IMO. As long as the guy is intelligent, has a job, and is good to me, I really do not give a damn about his college attendance. YMMV, but there are people who do not care about such things in partners.
You sound a lot like me, except that I’m a girl.
I met my husband when I was 19 years old and my husband was 23. We “fell in love”, add into the fact that both of us wanted to get away from our familes for different reasons, so we rushed into things and married a year and a half later.
It has been rocky at times. We separated 5 years later for about 9 months. We probably had no business getting married in the first place, but got back together because we still liked/loved each other (and never stopped sleeping together 
), were good friends and made the decision to try again to be better spouses.
Do I regret having married so young? Yes. Would I have married someone like my husband if I were 25-30 years old when we first met? Probably not. Would I rather be with someone else? No. We depend on and love each other a great deal, are raising two kids, and agree on the basics of life (finances, religious beliefs, how to raise the kids, etc). Our marriage isn’t a fairy tale, not even close, but there is mutual caring and respect and neither of us plan to go anywhere anytime soon.
All that to say, sometimes you do settle either consciously or just by circumstance and it turns out to be a pretty good life. I think the whole notion of “the love of my life” and “soulmates” is a load of crap for most people.
The article described my father 10 years ago, but he eventually found someone. I wish all you guys luck.
Sorry! Woman!
I’ve long since accepted the fact that I’m never going to have an SO. To tell the truth, closing in on 40, I’ve grown too sour, grouchy and misanthropic much of the time to be a decent SO to anyone. Also I’ve always been solitary, and having to interact with coworkers for eight hours a day leaves me pretty fatigued by quitting time.
(Actually I do belong to two book groups and have fun at them, but without exception the women there are already married.)
Depends what you call “older.” I’m 37 and in the throes of planing my 20th high school reunion, and at least one of my fellow committee members is definitely hung up about still being single. (Another old friend of mine on the commitee has made it her mission to get everyone paired off, and suggested the idea of having some indicator for singles - on nametags, or have people sign a bulletin board, or whatever, and the first woman is reluctant to indicate herself this way.)
Myself, I figure screw it - if nobody knows I’m single, it’s kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy that I will remain single, and there are all sorts of people I never had the chance to get to know well in high school because I was pretty much constantly in a long-term relationship then; I’m looking forward to seeing what everyone has been up to for the past 20 years, but yes, some more than others.
And for that matter, I’m much better off never having gotten married than I would have been if I’d married certain of my exes. I’ve got a good job, and friends, and a master’s degree, and all sorts of cultural activities to participate in, and it’s not like I’ve never had a serious and/or long-term romantic relationship. Do I wish I were happily paired off now? Sure, but not to the extent that I’m going to hook up with someone just for the sake of being attached. I’d rather be single than have gone through what some people call a “starter marriage” or two by my age.
Absolutely. Of course, everyone should understand the perfect cannot become the enemy of the good enough. But trapping yourself into a bad situation just because you’re scared of something even worse is not “good enough.”
One of the critical aspects of not allowing the perfect to get in the way of the good enough, is being able to truly, with full conviction, be able to say that what you do finally “settle” for IS, indeed, good enough, not just that “anything’s better than nothing”.
I’m in my mid forties and have a degree and a darn good job and am still single.
Some days I’m lonely, some days I’m glad I’m alone and no one is there to bother me. The number of days of each are about the same.
Darnit man, you’re one of the posters I absolutely love here! Pity you’re in the wrong continent and I’m terrified of being a Mom or I’d ask you out 
Something I’ve noticed in my travels (totes out the backpack with all the exotic stickers) is that the “no education required jobs” are still male-dominated. Just a couple years back there was this bit on the news about an all-female construction company in Madrid: the ladies had all been in Employment Ministry courses in construction work, but nobody would hire them, so they got together, drew straws to see who would go to which specialization course and started their own company.
Guys who don’t want to go to college can become bricklayers, waiters, car salesmen, supermarket cashiers, plumbers. Cashiers is the only one of those professions that’s female-dominated, and way often the only guy in a supermarket section is the section manager. I’m simplifying here - but, what I’m trying to say is, there’s still a lot more professions available to men that to women and many women have taken to the ones that used to be forbidden and which allow a woman to make enough money to feed her children without a man if it becomes necessary, with a vengeance. (I know that comma is extra, but I needed some kind of marker)