Why do men get married these days? What’s in it for them??
Years ago, it used to be the case that men HAD TO get married, because 1) Strong cultural and religious beliefs favoring marriage and 2) Most women would not have sex with a man UNTIL he married her.
But now, things have changed considerably. Most people don’t care if a couple just lives together without the benefit of marriage. Few people are extremely religious. Not that many people consider sex outside of marriage a sin, and almost everyone who is married was already having sex BEFORE they got hitched.
So what is the advantage for the men to marry? Everything they get out of it they HAD ALREADY! Do they WANT to have lose their option to get out of a relationship? Do they WANT to be bossed around?? Do they WANT to pay higher taxes???
But I asked about men specifically because the disadvantages for men are MUCH more obvious. Most women (not ALL) make less $$$$ than their husbands, so there is a financial incentive for them to marry. Also, since a woman’s value I society is related mostly to her looks- which deteriorate quickly – she gains a lot of security by getting married. If she’s single when she’s 40, not very many men will be interested in her. I think there are statistics that confirm this. So marriage is a good insurance policy for women.
I will try to answer this question, though judging by the tenor of your OP, I sincerely doubt I will convince you of much. Nonetheless, I am a man, 25 years of age, and I have been married for about one year. Here is why:
I am in love with my wife. I wanted to make a public proclamation of same, and of my intention to continue doing same until one of us is no longer around.
I like the idea of being married. I like using the phrase, “my wife.” I know, it sounds a little juvenile, but there it is.
I get covered under my wife’s health benefits, which are significantly superior to mine.
Because we are legally wed, my wife has the right to make important decisions involving medical care, etc, should I become unable to do so. Were we not legally wed, these decisions would probably fall upon my mother, a concept that frightens me more than I can say.
I got to have a massive wedding, eat incredible food, see my beloved in a beautiful gown and get dressed up myself, and receive as much in gifts as I make in a year, after taxes.
Buying a house as a legally married couple? Easier.
I get another set of family members who, while imperfect, now perceive me as “family,” with the rights and responsibilities thereof.
It made my current relatives happy, because they are very Italian, and very traditional. By having a large, traditional wedding, I (in their minds) showed respect to my background, my God, and my family.
It makes my wife happy to be married, which in turn makes me happy.
It makes me happy to be married, which in turn makes my wife happy; see above re: the effect of this on me.
So, as you can see, everything I got out of getting married I did not have beforehand. To answer your three specific questions:
Yes, I do want to lose my “option to get out of a relationship.” I wanted to promise not to make an escape in return for her promise to do the same. We both get ironclad security out of that - I know that if Brad Pitt walks into my living room one day with a dozen roses for my wife, I won’t be left alone. She made that promise, formally, to me, and I trust her to keep it.
No, I don’t want to be “bossed around.” I’m not. What does that have to do with marriage?
The higher taxes thing sucks, yes. It’s not exactly fair, but all good things have a price.
Well, handy, you don’t HAVE TO marry someone ‘special’. You could just live together, hopefully have a good relationship, and if you find out that she’s not ‘special’ 5 years down the road you can move on- without her taking half of your stuff!
Insurance policy? HUH??? Insurance against what, pray tell?
Most single women I know (including myself) own their own homes (granted, I live in Kansas, where real estate is cheap, but the single boys are still in crappy little apartments), pay their own bills, and build their own backyard fences (woops, I originally typed “backyard feces”…). Not to mention the fact that they feel free to form relationships (of any kind) based on mutual respect and affection, and not on financial security.
I’m not trying to sound defensive (or offensive), but just as ideas about sex before marriage are changing, so are ideas about what people can get out of a marriage. Sure, there are still a few gold-diggers out there (on both sides of the fence), but for the most part, that whole “women-in-the-workforce” thing really has done wonders for our self-sufficiency.
If you ask me, it’s MEN who flounder when they’re single for too long. In most, if not all, of the married (straight) couples I know, it’s the wife who:
a) is in charge of the finances
b) makes the house a “home” as opposed to a lean-to with a La-Z-Boy and a TV tray
c) keeps the husband from making really idiotic mistakes (such as trying to do yardwork in his new Armani suit).
I’m telling you. You guys without us are like deer in headlights.
Surreal I have to disagree with you. Maybe my cite wasn’t the most scientific, but it seemed pretty clear to me that the researcher was claiming that marriage was life-extending for men, not that healthier men are more likely to get married. And even if that’s the case, how does that fit into your argument? Is that the answer to your question, marriage is a healthy choice for healthy men?
Your opinion is entirely vaild, but until you show some data to back it up, it’s nothing but blather.
Myself, I am getting married because I want to be with my fiance, who lives in another country. He wants to marry me so that I can immigrate and be with him. We fully intend to spend the rest of our lives together, but if this is not possible, we both still have our ‘options’ to withdraw from the relationship. It’s called a ‘divorce’. If you’re scared about her going for what you have, get a prenup… yeesh.
Um, sure, I could have. Because I got married, I don’t have to. I don’t have to pay a lawyer to do it. And no, I don’t know for certain how my wife would react, but I have a pretty good idea. I trust her, you see, which means I don’t mind if she has a certain degree over what happens if and when I become unable to make those decisions for myself. She knows what I want.
And, of course, that item was only one of a list of about 20 benefits. Was this the only one with which you could take issue?
I have a confession to make. My name is Frank, and I am a heroine addict. It started small, watching “Wonder Woman” on TV as a kid. But it got out of control, and now I watch “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” almost every day - sometimes twice a day.
My defense of people who decide to marry should in no way suggest that I have any problem with the many people who choose to remain legally unwed. I absolutely believe that the decision to get married is an incredibly personal one, and I can understand perfectly if you decide it’s not for you.
I don’t really like the implication that the choice I made was a stupid one, though, which is why I responded as I did.