Why do people get married? More specifically why did you or someone(s) you know get married?
I married at 22 because I was in love and he asked me to marry him. After almost 8 years of marriage I still love him, but I often wonder why I got married in the first place. Cultural conditioning? I really don’t know. Marriage isn’t a bed of roses most times, so what is the general appeal?
I am one of the board’s unofficial amateur anti-marriage activists so keep that in mind when you read my comments. I got married first and foremost because I wanted kids but also because of increased financial stability and just because that is what everyone else was doing around that age. We had kids and then some fortunate events happened so that I didn’t have to worry about financial stability anymore. Marriage started looking like a liability and a quickly depreciating asset. We got divorced and I can’t imagine any possible reason why I would want to do that again. The original purpose has already been served and could never be repeated at least for me.
I am still waiting on the financial stability part
A good reason to get married is that you love the other person so much that you want to stay with them forever. You envision your life with them to be more happy and rewarding than your life alone or with someone else. That’s really what marriage should be about. But people get married for lots of other reasons–some more foolish than others.
It’s pretty foolish to get married in the first place. How do you really know if you want to spend 60 years with someone? However, it’s a foolish decision that everyone should partake in. You learn so much about marriage by being married. It can be deeply satisfying to be married. It can also be hell on earth. There are so many factors that you can’t know for sure. Just go into it with open eyes and be prepared to walk away when you see it’s not going to workout.
Kids are another matter. Don’t have kids unless you are absolutely committed to being there for at least 18 years.
Yes, but you didn’t really answer the question. You don’t need to get married to love someone so much you want to stay with them forever…until you decide to walk away because it’s not going to work out. Why can’t you just be together without being married?
I married late. Though it’s been rough at times I don’t regret it. To me, my wife is the most beautiful, the smartest, the most interesting woman in the world. I’m not saying she’s perfect; she isn’t. She has flaws and weaknesses. I don’t always like her, but I always love her. Since I met her, I find other women boring by comparison.
That’s why I married her, of course. I assume she married me because of the multiple penises.
The entire point of marriage is you have a ceremony where you pledge various oaths of loyalty, honor, and respect to your partner. There is also the religious perspective that it is immoral to mate and cohabitate without marriage rituals.
I’m in a pretty secular household, so as far as I am concerned it is the “oaths” or “vows” that I view as the bedrock of marriage.
However, there have been a number of threads on this board in which people have made it clear to me that our modern world no longer considers such oaths to be binding, and that giving respect and honor to your partner is not obligatory. So apparently marriage is whatever you want to call it.
Loving someone, establishing a partnership, public announcement of devotion, building a stable family and home…all of these reasons.
Because you think you’re ready to spend your life with another person. Or for some other reason which is beyond me. Even if you’re wrong, you should at least believe at the time that you would want to live out your life with the person you’re marrying.
Because I wanted to make a public commitment to this one person, in front of God and everybody.
Married people are happier than either single people, or divorced people, so even if it isn’t a bed of roses, it appears to be better than the alternative.
You can, but you are less likely to.
Cite.
Cite.
Correlation isn’t causality, but it is correlation.
Regards,
Shodan
Ah! Ok. Why get married instead of living together? The act of marriage means you are making a commitment to the other person that your intent is to be with them forever. It may not work out that way, but you are explicitly stating that is your intention. When you’re just dating and say you’ll be together forever, it’s not clear if it’s just pillow talk or if it’s truly your intention.
In addition, being married means it’s harder to break up. You can’t just walk away. The effort it takes to divorce means that you have more incentive to work through your problems and come up with a long-term compromise you both can live with. This will (hopefully) lead to a lifetime of happiness with the other person.
Society (in general) views married people differently. Married people are viewed as related to each other rather than just two people living together. They are viewed as being related to their spouse’s family similar to how a blood relative would. This means the combined relatives may support the couple just as they would their own blood relatives. It’s not the same for a dating couple. The dating partner is seen as the boyfriend/girlfriend and not necessarily a member of the family.
A dating couple can live together their whole lives just like a married couple, but marriage provides some structure around the relationship which will (hopefully) allow the relationship to last longer than it might otherwise have.
I’ll flip the question back. What is the appeal of being on your own and being chewed up and spit out in the dating scene?
I got married at 22 and it has been 20 years so far. I found a compatible woman and we were both willing to grow up and grow old together. I found a person who was willing to be partners. Having a partner in life is much preferable to going it alone. IMHO
Specifically why get married as opposed to live together? Social convention. Pure & simple.
Having a ceremony to mark the beginning of our life as a couple and celebrate it in company with loved ones and tradition, is why I got married. I think my husband’s motives were similar, from what he’s expressed over the years. It was fun and wonderful at the time, and is a great memory now, nearly 20 years later.
Culturally, having a ceremony to mark a transformative change in how one is living life is a way of helping everyone involved deal in a better way with the stresses of the change. It’s common to have them. I view my marriage much like I do my college graduation, which was also a beautiful ceremony I remember fondly.
As for the legal contract aspect, that brings with it a lot of handy legal benefits and requirements so it works out well. If one is going to commit to a pair bond relationship it seems like a sound plan to do so via a marriage.
You get legal protections that a non-legal couple don’t. You automatically are the person who makes healthcare decisions for your spouse unless they fill out paperwork declaring otherwise. You get to visit your spouse in the hospital, no questions asked. You can be covered under their health insurance provided by their employer. You are the automatic beneficiary if your spouse dies without a will. Ask any gay or lesbian people who have been denied access to their partner, their children, their own shared property or assets - sometimes even with legal documents in place - when disaster strikes and just because they are not Legally Married. That’s a bunch of damned good reasons to get married.
We shacked up together because of love, sex, friendship, companionship, etc. We married for numerous tax & legal reasons. My family is pretty crazy and I wanted my most trusted friend’s hand on the switch if it ever needed to be turned off. Combining our financial futures meant we both had to think more carefully about making good decisions. We both went into marriage with the same goals (at 29 & 30 years of age and some starter relationships behind us) and have both benefited far more than if we were alone. We’ve had each other’s back for almost 22 years now and as we get older it only gets better.
I think it may also be generational thing. I have a few younger friends who live together as engaged, but this state of being has been going on for years. They call their betrothed’s family in-laws and are treated as such. They are married for all intents and purposes but never get around to actually sealing the deal. They have kids, a home together, and all that. It’s just not legally recognized as a marriage. I think in their case the only reason to get married would be for legal reasons, in case their partner is incapacitated or dies and then a whole slew of legal issues about debt, custody of children, etc get messy without the bonds of marriage.
Marriage to me is the sincere intention by both parties to commit to each other for the rest of their waking lives. To demonstrate how serious you are about that promise, you gather your friends and family in to a room and make the pledge well within their earshot.
I see why same sex couples want to be able to get married. It must be upsetting to have made that commitment but without the legal benefits.
Because you don’t lose half your assets or pay legal fees like you do when your spouse chews you up and spits you out.
It’s an issue for unmarried straight people too, sometimes. Stuff like employer health care coverage, healthcare power of attorney, etc. I have a sister-in-law who had a long-term boyfriend. He was estranged from his family. When he was admitted to the ICU with liver failure, she told the nurses she was his fiancee, and they took pity on her (rightly, I think). Fortunately his parents did not challenge her for healthcare decision-making rights, but it could have gone much differently.