You know the drill. Shows that for whatever reason will not be gracing our screens this fall.
CSI:CSNY: A popular group of laid back musicians moonlight as forensic investigators. Much like their day job, their best man has a tendency to quit on occasion.
Masturbating Chef: Put a bunch of wankers together and find out who cooks the best. Just stay away from the Special Sauce.
Hey, it’s called Masterchef with that cunt Gordo Ramsey.
Iron Chef: Zombie
The secret ingredient is always BRAAAAAINS!
Til Death
10 Things I Hate About You
24
Accidentally on Purpose
As the World Turns
At the Movies
The Beautiful Life
Ben 10: Alien Force
Better Off Ted
The Bill Engvall Show
Bill Moyers Journal
Blonde Charity Mafia
The Bonnie Hunt Show
Brotherhood
Brothers
The Cleaner
Cold Case
The Deep End
Defying Gravity
Dollhouse
Eastwick
ECW
Find My Family
FlashForward
Flight of the Conchords
Fly Girls
the forgotten
Gary Unmarried
Ghost Whisperer
The Goode Family
The Great American Road Trip
Guiding Light
Hank
Happy Town
Head Case
Here Come the Newlyweds
Heroes
High Society
The Hills
Hitched or Ditched
I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here!
The Jay Leno Show
The Jeff Dunham Show
Joe Buck Live
Jon & Kate Plus Eight
Kings
Law & Order
Legend of the Seeker
Lincoln Heights
The Listener
Lost
Melrose Place
Mental
Mercy
Miami Medical
Monk
More to Love
The New Adventures of Old Christine
Nip/Tuck
Numb3rs
Past Life
The Philanthropist
Raising the Bar
Reno 911!
Rita Rocks
Robin Hood
Romantically Challenged
Ruby & the Rockits
The Sarah Silverman Program
Saving Grace
Scrubs
Sons of Tucson
The Superstars
Surviving Suburbia
Survivors
There Goes the Neighborhood
Three Rivers
The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien
Trauma
The Tudors
The Tyra Banks Show
Ugly Betty
The Wanda Sykes Show
Too literal?
It has been increasingly difficult to get any producers to look at my continously revised treatment for the sitcom “Mohammed and the Proffessor.”
Hosted by Doug “The Greaseman” Tracht, no doubt.
Hitler and the Bear, a hilarious fish-out-of-water comedy about a fuhrer down on his luck who has to share an apartment with an adult grizzly bear.
The Even Couple, a hilarious sitcom where two people with identical ideas about housekeeping, manners etc.share an apartment without ever disagreeing.
I had a brilliant idea for an over-the-top reality show “America’s Top Sniper”.
Then one day I was channel surfing, and found out that this show actually exists: http://military.discovery.com/tv/sniper/sniper.html
Not literal enough. None of those are “failed pilots.”
Dumb and Dumb3rs, a crime show about a couple of morons who fail to solve crimes with math.
A kind of culture clash sitcom in which a loving family adopts someone different than them. Let’s say a rich whited family adopts a wisecracking Afican American kid.
Wait. They already did that? Twice?
OK. How about instead we make the wisecracking African American kid a wise cracking alien from outerspace? Then we coul-
What?! They did that one too?!
Now I got it. The family doesn’t have a black kid or an alien, just a completely normal little girl. But get this: The girl only looks normal. She’s actually a robot.
GODDAMNIT!
B A new sitcom for Bob Newhart. Newhart once observed that the titles of his shows were getting shorter (The Bob Newhart Show > Newhart > Bob), so the title is obvious. Newhart will play a retired cartoonist who wanted to be a psychologist in Chicago who dreamed of being an innkeeper in Vermont.
Ben and Emma and Buds NBC tires to recapture the success of Friends without any of the actors from the original cast, so they focus on Ross’ now-teenage son and daughter, still hanging out at Central Perk.
A/C a hospital drama that, instead of surgeons or trauma specialists, focuses on the staff of the acute care clinic as they deal with earaches, lacerations and colds that just keep hanging on.
NURSING HOME The trials and tribulations of nursing home orderlies, clerks, and janitorial staff, as they take care of a bunch of old people who watch TV all day while waiting to die.
I daresay The Failed Pilot Network, with 24 hours a day of plane crashes, might be interesting.
Law & Order: Detroit: crime and punishment in one of America’s most decayed urban centers.
Forever Lucy: comedy series starring Lucie Arnaz as a woman haunted by the ghost of her mother, made from digitized reconstructions of Lucille Ball’s appearance and voice.
Urban Jungle: after an animal rights group wins a lawsuit, a public high-rise housing complex is forced to admit six chimpanzees (and their human “guardian”) as tenants.
The failed Monday night Line up
The Big Wang Theory - Nebraska girl moves to west cost to be a star and befriends her two neighbors and their friends who all happen to be porn stars.
** How I Wet Your Mother** Oldster tells amusing stories to his adult children about the hilarious episodes he’s had with his wife on the nights he had “accidents” in bed.
** Two and a Half Women** Two women magicians who are constantly having to replace their sawed-in-half accomplice.
Fox Force Five - It’s about 5 foxy ladies who are a force to be reckoned with. There’s a blonde one, Sommerset O’Neal, she’s the leader. There’s a Japanese one, a black one, a French one and a brunette one. They all have special skills. Sommerset has a photographic memory, the Japanese fox is a kung fu master, the black girl’s a demolition expert, and the French fox’ specialty is sex.
Raven McCoy is the brunette one and a knife expert. She’s played by an Uma Thurman look-a-like. Her background is she was raised by circus performers. So she grew up doing a knife act. She’s the deadliest woman in the world with a knife. But because she grew up in a circus, she was also something of an acrobat. She can do illusions, she’s a trapeze artist – when you’re keeping the world safe from evil, you never know when being a trapeze artist’s gonna come in handy. And she knows a zillion old jokes her grandfather, an old vaudevillian, taught her. She’ll tell a corny joke in every episode.
I really hope it’s picked up.
These are spoiled out because they may offend people who have no sense of humor.
Dial H for Homo
The G Word
The F Word
The N Word
Quincy, MA - A medical drama featuring the residents of a sleepy east coast town.
Real Housewives of Sheboygan
CSI:Salt Lake City
90Something
The Betty White Show, starring Betty White, about Betty White guest starring as Betty White on BET.
American iDull - contestants compete, but are only allowed to sing polkas accompanied by 60 accordion players. Betty White is a judge.
America’s Funniest Homies…white guys try to be black, sing rap and wear baseball caps backwards. Betty White is the host.
The Golden Girl - starring Betty White as a lonely, foul-mouthed nun in Miami who speaks with the ghost of St. Olaf.
The Biggest Boozer - with guest stars Mel Gibson, Lindsey Lohan, David Hasselhoff and others, competing to see who is the most obnoxious, biggest boozer…hosted by Betty White.