The Vampire Dairies: A vampire attempts to start a prosperous milk empire by turning his livestock. Hilarity and bloodshed ensue.
Keep It Up With the Kardashians: Kim, Kourtney and Khloe try their hand at being porn stars; their procession of co-stars attempt to maintain their erections while listening to them endlessly complain about their performance, the lighting, the director, and who’s getting top billing.
Somehow, I skipped down after reading the title in friedo’s post. Thus:
“Hitler and the Bear, a hilarious sitcom where two people with identical ideas about housekeeping, manners etc.share an apartment without ever disagreeing.”
That was trippy.
Oh, & friedo? The bear is Polish! Oh no!
Ok, here’s mine:
Firing Line - a leader of modern conservatism invites guests from different politica stances & from around the world to discuss issues in an open debate. With occasional debate specials in the Oxford debate style.
NCIS is a good show, and already produced a spinoff. We need another.
Abby transfers to the New York office where she becomes in sexy sex crimes. To investigate them, she must get her medical license. We’ll call it
NCISNYNYSVUMD
Monday Night Foosball – Overhead camera (grainy webcam will do) shots of a video only marathon tournament in a remote Arkansas road house. Much spilled bear and fights to offset the extreme lack of action. CC commentary from religious temp workers from Wal-Mart who must moonlight to support their large families. No money is ever seen changing hands.
Twilight’s Last Glittering.
In the pilot episode, all of the vampires are killed.
Friday Knight Fights: Jousting goes primetime. Failed due to liability/insurance issues.
Horse MD: A grumpy racetrack veterinarian treats strange diseases in horses. With a shotgun.
America’s Top Quality Assurance Analyst.
This sounds bad enough that it would surely be approved.
…but this sounds so good that it would surely be rejected.
Charley’s Argyles – An aging Scots Highlander opens a specialty shop in Harlem, NYC, selling boldly patterned and brightly colored socks to the hip-hop crowd and instructing them in electric bagpipes to spiff up their beatbox tunes. Bill Cosby was scheduled to appear in cameos in most episodes, but got replaced in every one by Eddie Murphy in a fat suit. Theme song is Loch Lomond with a reggae beat and a three-girl group doing doo-wop backing. Lead singer is Craig Ferguson.
The Glee Wife: a politician’s wife sings about his very public sex scandal as she returns to her life as an attorney. Starring Julianna Margulies as Alicia Florrick, and Lady Gaga as her incarcerated husband, and Jane Lynch as Supreme Court Judge Sue Sylvester.
The Brady Brunch. The living members of the Brady Family figure out that they were happiest being together so they buy a Bed & Breakfast to run as a team. Cousin Oliver serves as head chef while Johnny Bravo provides weekend entertainment. Marsha serves as general manager much to Jan’s disgust.
Still waiting for That '60s Show, That '90s Show, and That Noughties Show.
Bourbon Street Brat – Set in post-Katrina New Orleans each episode features a new gin mill for Lindsay Lohan to get drunk and pass out in.
Now that could be very good if the viewers were ready for some irreverent comedy. My husband worked in nursing homes for over 10 years. There’s some good material in those places.
American Gladiator: The Real Deal. Essentially UFC with edged weapons added. Advice from network legal counsel, delivered repeatedly and urgently in a state of screaming panic, compelled cancellation despite overwhelmingly positive test-audience response.
Laverne and Shirley and Kate and Allie: Old sitcom actresses (Penny Marshall, Cindy Williams, Susan Saint James, and Jane Curtin) host a talk show focusing on their recollections of their sitcom days.
Survivor: Greenland: For a change of pace, the tribe heads for the Arctic wilderness of Greenland. No contestants in bikinis this time; everybody looks lumpily much like everybody else, which is what happens when you wear ten layers of clothing.
Debbie Re-Does Dallas: Host Debbie Travis tours Dallas, Texas, offering decorating tips to residents and businesses.
Of course, the viewers would also have to be prepared to reach a new tolerance threshold for grossout comedy, intentional or incidental.
Aw, crap. He’s one of the few truly trustworthy journalists out there, too.