I’ve just been through Banking Hell with a certain bank that I won’t name, but a credit card is the only business I have with them, and I only have it for ancient historical reasons. I despise the incompetent bastards.
I was making an online purchase late on Saturday night and the particular site said that the bank needed to send a security code to my phone which I had to enter. So I sat there watching the phone and … nothing. Tried it again. Nothing.
I called the bank’s help line and they confirmed my cell number and sent several more SMS messages. Nothing. Then, while I was still on the phone with them, a huge pile of all the backlogged SMS messages arrived all at once. They asked me to read back the last code sent but there were so many messages that where they were coming from and which was the latest became confusing.
In all the confusion, assisted no doubt by several strong Caesars richly embellished with extra vodka, I read back several incorrect codes and they suddenly declared me blacklisted and that I no longer had access to the help line because they could no longer access my account, though I could still use the card. The only remedy was to go to a physical bank branch and rehabilitate myself.
So I did that this morning, and that’s when the fun began. The customer rep I dealt with was very pleasant but after getting enough ID to satisfy herself that I wasn’t an impostor, needed to call the bank’s HQ to get the restriction lifted, as she couldn’t do it herself. Furthermore, the instructions on the screen told her that I had to remain present while she made the call – for no discernible reason except apparently to maximize my inconvenience.
Which went on for nearly an hour. First she was on hold for a long time, then got connected and immediately disconnected, listening to a dial tone. Then tried again, was on hold again for a long time, finally got through to someone who said “just a moment”, and that was it. The line went dead and no one ever returned to pick up the call. She kept apologizing for the horrible customer service, and this was a freaking bank branch trying to get hold of their own head office!
Eventually she made a second call over her own personal cell phone while leaving the other call on speakerphone in case anyone ever picked up (no one ever did). She finally got hold of someone who claims to have resolved the problem, and then handed me the phone because “they need to talk to you”. I still have no idea what purpose that served – it was yakking about various things that seemed to have no relevance to the issue. Also, the rep at the branch was apparently getting the third degree herself to verify that she wasn’t a crook, perhaps in cahoots with me, because she had to answer all sorts of questions about her own ID and things she was reading off the terminal. Apparently the idea of a secure internal communications infrastructure is unknown to this bank.
All told, this was the most stunning accumulation of bureaucratic incompetence that I’ve experienced in a long time.