I can’t find much info on this topic so let’s just assume that 1% of molestation and rape charges are false. False and malicious. What to do. Assume 99% of accusations are not just accusations, they ARE true. It is very important to protect the 99%, but, how does the person in the 1% false accusation defend themself?
I was practically disowned by my mom and step father because they claim I hit my 80 year old step father in an argument. I was cussing I was being a very big jerk and it was a heated argument but I never hit the guy. They totally made up a bunch of untrue drama. I’m not allowed at their house, for like 5 years or more now.
I may be going out on a limb here but I think false accusations of rape are a bad thing.
Seriously I’m not quite sure what the debate is here. All accusations of rape should be thoroughly investigated by the police. If the prosecutor decides there is a case to answer then it’s for the jury to weigh up the he said/she said stuff, if that’s relevant to the case. Will there be miscarriages of justice at times? Probably but that’s true for all crimes. And my guess is far more rapists go free than non-rapists get convicted for rape.
That its hard to get a conviction when real rape occurred, so your chances of getting a conviction out of a false allegation is slim. But its a lousy thing to do, the women who do it should be pilloried, and its far more than an inconvenience to be accused. Which is why you need to be very careful not to stick your dick in the crazy - because you don’t want to leave any evidence behind with a crazy woman that will result in an actual trial.
When my sister was in treatment for alcoholism, she was convinced she had suppressed memories of childhood abuse. Fortunately, no one in the family took it seriously - it was a way for her to blame someone else for her problems. In that case, she didn’t have a healthy brain (it took almost eighteen months of sobriety for the brain fog to clear) and she was “helped” by a series of therapists who believed in that shit. We kept that information from any of the uncles she was accusing and let her sober up (easy to keep it from them, she never lived in state and didn’t have any contact with them).
There’s a difference between a legal defense and a person’s feelings. Not everyone who is tried for rape is convicted, so it is obviously possible to get acquitted of that charge. How people feel about you personally based on the facts of the case (or anything else) is a separate issue.
I don’t have a son. If I did, I don’t know that I’d disown him for anything. If I would, I don’t know if I’d put the disown/not disown line between “hitting my elderly spouse” and “shouting and being a very big jerk at my elderly spouse.”
Which is all a long way of saying, answer the dang question already.
You should answer his question because you were the one who started a thread in which you said you don’t want people to have the wrong opinion about you. So you need to talk to people. You’re not going to convince many people if you insist they have to just accept your word on an issue.
Once? No. As a regular or accelerating thing? Not disowned, but that’s not what you’re talking about, really. Disowned is writing someone out of your will. I probably wouldn’t do that, but I sure wouldn’t want to spend time with him.
Maybe we could meet somewhere that doesn’t set him off. Or not. It would depend.
My mom is mental. She needs to be medicated or possibly hospitalized. She is just a drama queen is in always making trouble. She is like making trouble 95% of the time. She is incessant. My step father is a short grumpy tyrant. Like Higgins from Magnum PI but with a much worse attitude. Opinionated, know it all, always very strict and stoic and condescending.
Me and my mom were in an argument. An argument she started. He came in to tell me it was his house I couldn’t talk that way, etc. I told him to kiss my ass and that I’d talk any dam way I pleased. That was the first time, ever, after years of repressing myself I had been rude to him. He started to tell me if he were 20 years younger he’s kick… I pointed at him and told him emphatically there was never a point at which he could kick my ass. They said I punched him. I pointed at him, that is all.
It was my understanding the rates where someone who didn’t rape is accused of it are a lot higher than 1%. According to the DOJ the rates are 20-40%. However that stat is for convictions, which make up a tiny percent of rape accusations. The vast majority of rapes are never reported, a smaller number are convicted.
How do you defend yourself? I don’t know. As far as your OP, a lot of people are manipulative, drama queens, back stabbers, etc. The best way to deal with them is cut them out of your life and make sure you know not to trust them or take them seriously.
I originally thought that the argument was between you and your SF and that things could maybe be calmer if it was just you and your mom. But it doesn’t look like that’s an option. Pity.
You sound like you’re angry and I really hope you can find a way to let it go. My dad didn’t spend his whole life mad at his mother, but he spent my whole life mad at her. It did not make his life happier and it added no joy to mine to hear him go on about it.
You’re not responsible for anyone’s actions but your own. You have no duty to fix relatives. There will be people who treat you decently. Save your thoughts for them.
Oh, and one of my sons did go through a jerk period, but it was intermittant and he was a teen, so he was stuck with me. It also was never a malicious or unhinged thing. He grew out of it.
To me it is as if my Mom doesnt even exist. My sister told me about a year ago she had to go in for some cancer tests and, well, sadly, I wasn’t greatly concerned. as if she had told me some distant Aunt had has the test. My Om has recently tried to start up a relationship which I am not too keen to do since that is her pattern and she will most likely go back to her old behavior again.
Not really my point in starting the thread but it explains the source of my bitterness, in regards to your comments in the last post. I do agree with your comments and say thank you for commenting, but, I really don’t know if it is worth it to get involved with my Mom again due to history or up and down mood swings.
See, what you sound like to me is a third grader who’s gotten in trouble because someone said he kicked her at lunch, and he emphatically denies he kicked her–false accusation!–and it takes me like half an hour to winkle out of him the admission that he stuck his foot out as she ran forward and she ran into his foot, and it was on purpose.
Okay, so you didn’t hit your mom’s husband. But you talked shit to her to the point that he tried to get you to stop, and you cussed at him and mocked him. When you pointed at him, did your hand make any sort of contact with his body? With his clothes?
This gets back to the OP. Often, even if an allegation is false to the extent that a courtroom charge is unsupportable, it’s only because the assault didn’t technically fall within the legal definition: the accused was still acting (checks the forum) in a socially unacceptable fashion. If the “false accusation” is due to the victim’s faulty memory of exactly what happened, I can’t say that I’m too terribly upset at the victim.