Absolutely, positively, under no circumstances should you loan or give them a single dime. Not only will you never get it back, no matter what, but they will still treat you like shit.
If you want to help them, gather up all the information on government programs that are available to people in exactly their situation and give them a binder with everything printed out in tabbed sections.
It’s all they deserve.
And that is the only thing you should do.
(bolding mine- TC)
Yes! Don’t allow them to penalize you for doing what they chose not to.
This thread has my blood boiling, because I’ve been there. As the adult child of selfish, profoundly irresponsible spendthrift parents, I was constantly being hit up for “loans” that were obviously never to be repaid. I couldn’t refuse Mom and Dad, although I should have for their own good, and I bitterly resented being penalized for having done things the right way.
I’m 62 now, and as you can see it still pisses me off.
.
I once loaned my mother some money, not expecting it to be repaid. It was to fix her bathroom. People’s money is theirs to do with as they please but if someone asks me for money for a specific purpose, I expect it to be used for that purpose unless someone is bleeding.
600€ went to a new pair of glasses (Dior frames, non-reflective color-changing glasses); 800€ to a new pair of curtains for the living room. The minimum monthly wage in Spain was 740€ at the time.
Now when Mom’s whining about money and one of us siblings is waffling about helping her, whichever sibling hears the waffling says “curtains” - amazing how a single word can have such an energizing effect. We’ll help her in other ways but no, we’re not lending her money again, ever.
I don’t think the Hedo-relatives deserve anything at all, other than “I hope things will get better for you soon” in your sweetest voice.
Piano sales seems like a pretty niche market, especially in this economy. Has uncle’s boyfriend considered selling anything else? Like used cars or real estate?
This.
And if they ask for an explanation, remind them they disinherited you. And didn’t have the guts to ask you for the money to your face.
Basically I agree with everyone else in this thread 
You have no obligation to help them in any way. They are not your responsibility.
Just because you are related, you aren’t obligated to help them directly. Explain that you help them by paying your taxes and supporting the creation of a public safety net. Then, laugh.
If it weren’t for the disinheritance thing - and now it’s perfectly clear that they’re not leaving anyone anything - I would say that family is family and you should help out as much as you can.
A further thought: I’m guestimating the ages, but isn’t your uncle (and presumably his partner) of or near retirement age? So shouldn’t he be able to use his retirement funds?
Is that a lot? I mean, curtains! Jeez!
To the OP: I reiterate along with everyone else: don’t loan them any money. No need to get all bitter about it. Just say in a nice voice, “I don’t have a lot of money myself, sorry. I just can’t do it.” And smile and don’t get dragged into any debate.
Why can’t you do it?
Sorry, just can’t.
But whyyyyyyyy?
Sorry.
And walk away as quickly as you can. Don’t argue and don’t fight. Just keep your money firmly in your pocket. Once they know you can loan them money, they’ll never stop asking.
This is karma working. 
I agree with most of the posts. Don’t loan them money. Bottom line, even if you did out of the goodness of your heart, they’d end up resenting you for it anyway and things would wind up even more unpleasant. You don’t have to explain why, just say something like Sorry, but you wish them well.
I like the basket of toiletries idea but you can save that for Christmas.
It would be better to let them sell some stuff; it would (as said) pare things down and provide money for the move.
I think they’ll learn about government assistance.
Wow, karma usually takes so long but the timing here is perfect. I wouldn’t want to muck it up.
Two years prior, I had IKEA’d a 2B flat for what she spent on one set of curtains and one pair of glasses.
Last year I redid my kitchen (top to bottom, everything except change the tiles), the electricity in all the flat and painted the whole flat (ok, it’s just a 2B, but damnit, enough for a family of 6 when it was built). Total cost for all of that, excluding the fancy pamby fridge, equaled the bill for those glasses and curtains. The fridge is twice as large as the one it replaced, with separate controls for the cooling area and the two freezing areas; I can switch any part on and off separatedly and have the two freezers at different temperatures, very convenient for someone who may spend six weeks in the house and then not set foot in it for three months… and it cost less than those curtains! (But slightly more than the glasses)
I’ll add this to my rant and then bow out.
I got married at 19; the requests for “loans” started about three years later.
And this example shows just how bad they could be, although there was no loan request at the time: My younger sister is mildly retarded; when she was 17 she had a severely disabling anxiety attack. The family doctor referred her to a psychologist, who talked and medicated her back to normal, and told my parents that Sis desperately needed regular counseling. That night Mom angrily told me about it, “I don’t have the money” and so on. Sorry, no treatment for the retarded daughter.
Two days later she pulled into my driveway to proudly show off her newly-acquired (used) Cadillac. She and Dad already had three cars. The Caddy cost them four thousand 1980 dollars. “Cadillac” became my magic word, not that it helped me turn them down later.
If asked for a loan, I’d suggest you tell them that while you’d like to do that, you know it would just foster a culture of dependency - which is the last thing a conservative would like.
You might then give them a pair of bootstraps, and suggest that if the just pull on them long enough and hard enough, the money will come.
Seriously, these are folks you might gift money to - what with they’re being family and all. Lending is bound to go poorly.
I started to say ‘have you seen the price of gas’, but your suggestion to pare down will help bring the amount of gas needed to relocate down. Heck, if they pare down hard enough, they can relocate by bus.
ETA: the sharpest pain is knowing that you’re not getting anywhere near the replacement cost for anything sold.
First, before I’d consider doing anything, I’d make them ask me directly.
Second, I’d make them twist about it- definitely bring up the whole “disinherited” thing- “if I’m disinherited, then I’m not worthy of receiving anything you have, but I’m worth enough that you can come to me when you’re in need?”
Third, if it was me, I’d loan them the money. Take the high road. Make them sign a promissory note, and the loan should accrue interest. If you say “I’m going to treat you the way you’ve treated me”, then you’re no better than them, and they haven’t learned a thing. But if you decide not to hold out just out of spite, then you might actually make a difference. I like the good feeling I get when I do something good for someone else when I don’t have to.
I don’t understand the remarks about their conservativism. They’re not asking for a handout from the government; they’re asking for a handout from their family. That’s how it’s supposed to work. “Family first” is a conservative principle.
But anyhow, I wouldn’t give them money either. You’ll never see it again. If you do give them money, do it by buying their household goods like the TV. Tell them that they can come purchase the TV back at any time for what you paid.
Give them money or don’t, but the bottom line is if you’re using political affiliation to make the decision, you’re taking it too far. I know it’s election season and all, but turn down the fervor, would ya?
All politics aside…
These folks have disinherited you. They made this explicit. That means that they are no longer your family, due to THEIR decision. They cut you off - you are dead to them. You need not worry yourself about them, any more than any other random needy people in your community.
I agree that you will get a good feeling if you do something good for someone else when you don’t have to. However, there are probably a lot of people nearby who need your help much more, and would be much more appreciative as well. I suggest you help them instead.
Sweet, isn’t it.
In my case, it was my Dad’s side of the family. For years I didn’t wear the right clothes. Didn’t live in the right neighborhood. I wasn’t pretty, my boyfriends weren’t handsome. (I actually was never bad looking, I just never bothered with hair and makeup and clothes in the way they translated to attractive). I was a bookworm who used big words. And they had the “best” - nice houses, nice cars. Designer purses and shoes and clothes. Talking to them you could hear the contempt for my life choices.
At some point my Dad was over (NOT me) and mentioned that I’d paid off my house before I was 40. The response was a natural “how did she do that” and my dad mentioned the probable range of our income. He said a pin could drop. I suspect he was more sick of it than I was - I’d reached the weddings and funerals place with these people long ago and he still had to listen to them far more often.
Don’t loan them money. This isn’t a case like my brother in law - who had cancer and we were worried would end up homeless so we bought a house for him to live in. These are people who have spent their lives making poor life choices - not setting aside money that they obviously had (since they spent it) for an ordinary rainy day. You need to save your money to be your umbrella. Or, as I said to my husband when my brother in law had financial difficulties, we’d bailed him out once, but before the cancer “I’m not paying so your brother can have an iPhone now and then having to have the Senior Special at Perkins when I’m 68 because we didn’t save enough to go out for a nice dinner once in a while.”
One thing is bothering me…How can they be Rightwing and live in a homosexual partnership. Does that not strike them as weird or wrong? I am confuzzled.
You are living within your means, they aren’t. Their needs are not real needs but wants. Don’t even lend them the money. They’ll just resent you and will probably not even pay it back.
Tell them you can’t afford to lend money, or you don’t have it to lend (if you have money, consider it your own safety net. They are not likely to help you if you are ever in need). This is a situation where you just have to learn to be more selfish.
Edited to add: I do enjoy the irony.