Family financial-political situation

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Now Alanis…THIS is ironic.

I have a rather good sized extended family on my mother’s side. She was the youngest of 5 kids and came along quite a while after the 4th child, so - on average- I am about 10 years younger than most of my cousins. My mom’s youngest brother is her only still living sibling.

My mom’s brother is a former opera singer and his life partner is about the same age as most of my cousins. I have spent my whole adult life watching my uncle and cousins accumulate possessions, seemingly only for bragging rights – they always have the “best” refrigerators, the “best” TV’s, the “best” cars, and as much “house” as they can possibly afford…they were emotionally invested in this, too…when my uncle’s came to visit me they realized I had the EXACT same TV set they did, only one size larger, then they spent the next year trashing my “huge room dominating TV” to the family – it was a 36" set, they had a 32".

Careerwise, they all talked like they were doing great although I thought some of their career paths seemed a little dodgy, one of my cousin’s is constantly opening (and closing) franchise restaurants, the uncles’s boyfriend sells pianos, another cousin is an attorney, and another one sells windows.

Myself, I am a self-employed consultant – I realize this is often an euphemism for under-employed but in my case it’s not-- although I’ve always been more than happy to let people think that … I work with 2 or 3 very obscure products that most people in the general public have never heard of. And I have lived for the past 20 years in the same one bedroom apartment ( I own it and it’s in New York City but that’s a nuance that my cousins miss completely).

And they are ALL rabid right wing Republicans,huge fans of the Fox/Murdoch idiot parade. The uncle’s boyfriends sister is even an RNC delegate.

Now, I’m not actually into party politics…frankly I think it’s a choice between a government that’s going to print truckloads of money to give to Goldman Sachs and one that’s going to print truckloads of money to give to Halliburton and I think the election cycle is a big show to distract everyone while their pockets are being picked.

But my family’s not much on nuance, when they hear I don’t like Romney they assume I’m a leftie Obama-supporting socialist.

However, A few weeks ago I got into a little dust-up with the family over Romney’s 47% remarks and got to listen to a lot of bullshit about makers and takers and personal responsibility.

This ended with my uncle “disinheriting” me. I got great giggles out of this as my uncle has never given anyone anything of value…one year at a family Christmas I got a pair of cheap bedroom slippers…and ( and I am not making this up ) some amenities – soaps and teabags,gift-wrapped – from some fine hotel that my uncle had stayed at…I guess they thought my worthless ass would enjoy a vicarious taste of their oh so elegant lives.

So for about a week I get all sorts of political oriented crap from my family, right wing e-mail rants, etc.

Then it all stops. Total radio silence.

Then I start to see missed calls from the uncles and cousins…no voice mails though.

Yesterday my mom clued me in.

Uncle’s boyfriend lost his job and they have no savings as he’s been through a couple of jobs in the past few years. They began to call around to my Mom and other cousins and no one’s doing well…the latest restaurant is in trouble and my attorney cousin is selling MLM products to make ends meet, and window sales are not really good right now. While they claim to WANT to help, no one has any money…

EXCEPT ME, the left wing liberal socialist pinko. It turns out I am the only person in my whole damn extended family with any money. All of these missed phone calls have been for the purpose of trying to set up some sort of family fund to help my uncle with “everyone chipping in what they can” ( sort of like…socialism)…which means ME doing most of the funding.

And I’m dodging the calls and laughing my ass off.

And I don’t really know what I’m going to do in the long run, I can’t dodge the situation forever. And the truth is I DO have more than enough money to lend them what they want without me even feeling it…I have a tidy sum sitting in a money market account because I can’t find investments I trust and there’s nothing in particular I feel like buying.

But given the situation, I think I’m going to keep that to myself.

2

This just goes to show why liberals can’t be trusted. You won’t even live up to your bleeding-heart reputation. :wink:

3

What I want to know is, do the uncle and his SO live in a log cabin or is it ranch-style?

4

It may prove folly to get in the way of a narrow mind, and the life lesson it’s been begging for.

Consider letting him slip a little further. (Just tell them you’ve been investing, and it hasn’t been going well. That way, when you may help him later, you can just say you had an investment go up!)

It sounds like it ought to be easy for you to plead poverty here, as they don’t think you have much. Only loan money you can and will view as a gift, firstly. And secondly, when you lend, specify when repayment starts, and should repayment fail to start, as scheduled, no more funds will be extended.

5

Yeah, if you loan them money be prepared to do without it, even with all concerned being sincere. We loaned my mother-in-law some money so she could buy a double-wide, and she was diligent about paying us $xxx a month to repay the debt–but she passed away with plenty of debts and it looks as though we’ll never see the remainder of the money.

And in your case, it sounds as though they’d just manufacture a reason to be estranged from you as an excuse not to pay you back.

6

Draw up a contract if you’re going to loan them money. You have the chance to try to teach them something right now, being in the position of power, or to dick around with them. If they can’t be saved from the right wing asshats then go ahead and dick around

7

Offer them $1/word for an essays on how Obama is the best president ever. Be sure to subtract $1/word for anything that seems insincere. Also google for plagiarism.

8

I think they’re right. Keep your money. Don’t give it to those freeloaders. They’re what’s wrong with this country.

9

Perhaps offer to help keep them, but not in, ‘the style they’ve become accustomed to’, which seems a little, y’know, ‘entitled’. Make a sincere offer to help keep them - in a one bedroom apartment!

It does seem foolish, for anyone to expect you to kick in, to keep someone in a better style of living than you yourself get to enjoy.

10

I’d send them a gift basket. You know, with soaps and toiletries :smiley:

Also, seems like a great time to buy votes! (If you’re Obama-oriented, that is)

11

This. Please, please, please!

12

I would not loan him the money. It sounds like they are overextended. I would not fund that lifestyle. Their lifestyle needs to shrink to match their current situation. Are they both out of a job? They should first cut out luxuries like cable TV, cell phone, sell a car, etc. The only way I would lend to someone in that situation was if it was a very short term situation and they needed money for a specific reason. But if they are bleeding money away, a loan is not going to help.

Do they own their house? One way to make sure the loan is paid back is to loan them the money but then put a lien on their house for that amount. Of course, tell them that’s the deal. If they balk, they weren’t going to pay back the loan anyway.

13

They are looking for the money in order to relocate to a less expensive area…they are now living in southern California, having relocated there for work a few years ago…I’m not sure if they own or rent.

And the more I think about it, the politics aren’t the big issue…although the humor of this happening less than 2 weeks after they disinherited me over the 47% thing is not lost on me. Basically they have always been stingy and tight-fisted and dismissive when it comes to me…whenever they came to NYC they would always be sure to find something free or really cheap to do with me and they would then spend the whole time telling me about the expensive restaurants and shows they went to the night before or were going to that night.

If I do this I’m going to get a promissary note, for sure and I wil probably ask for some sort of interest agreement on the loan as well.

But I’m leaning towards being a hard-ass and not doing it…if the tables were reversed I can’t imagine them helping me and they would probably be offended as hell that I had the nerve to ask.

If I thought they would learn from my generous example and become more compassionate and generous through my fine example I might do it but I really don’t see that happening.

About the only thing I do know is that I’m going to throw the “disinheritance” thing back at them right away. Then I’ll see what approach they take…if they blame Obama for their situation then all bets are off but if they find the exactly right approach, then maybe…

I’m really way too nice for my own good.

14

That’s a good one…I picked up some nice ones at a little bed and breakfast I stayed in last weekend !!! I love it.

15

Money to relocate? Why would someone need a loan to relocate? Just pack up the car and move. I would point them to the For Sale part of craigslist and tell them to start selling all their stuff. Once they pare down their belongings, it will be even easier to relocate.

16

Seriously, life is trying to teach them a lesson. Don’t get in the way. Give them the opportunity to get the lesson, before you step in.

And what the hell is up, with persons seeking help, through a third party. My first response would be, ‘I don’t loan money to people who can’t do me the service of asking me directly.’ If they want to look me in the eye, and come to arrangement, that’s one thing. Going through my Mom? Not so much. Going through a third party increases the chances for issues by orders of magnitude, truly.

17

Part of being an adult, no matter what your political ideology, is financial independence. Do not give any of them a red cent. I will *pay you *not to lend them money! …well, I would if I had it. But anyway, they deserve to learn a life lesson. Let them sell their luxurious crap to make ends meet for awhile. Let them take advantage of the government programs they disparage. It will end better for everyone involved. You get to keep your money, they get to learn the consequences of living beyond their means, and they might pick up a little compassion along the way.

18

I agree with all the cautions on loans - but in a sense, they may be consistent with their beliefs in wanting family instead of government help. BUT - if they are getting any assistance at all from the government, then along with the loan (if offered) send them “I have joined the 47%” T-shirts and insist on photos (ideally on Facebook).

19

If they can’t be bothered to set aside a rainy day fund they need to get wet. A lot of people stumble in their 20’s and learn that lesson, they’re just going to have to learn it later in life. Politics has nothing to do with it.

20

This. Tell them that they disinherited you, they removed you from their list of family members, and you don’t consider them family any more.

Actions have consequences. Let them go with their hats in their hands to their fellow Romney supporters for a gift/loan.