I would like to hold Cody “I don’t wear shoes because i am an idiot” Lundin for you. That guy is a tool. I think he’s a great choice for a pummeling.
O J Simpson. With a butcher knife.
Woody Allen. A taser to his groin.
I’ll hit her and film it for you – and I’ll throw in her husband for free. I think slapping them with a nice bloody steak would be appropriate.
I would also like to bludgeon Tom Cruise with a hardback copy of the DSM-IV.
Sweet!
My weapon of choice is a dildo. My victim would be any celebrity who flaunts their alleged virginity. My specific victim is Brooke Shields (although the virginity ship has long sailed). I cannot forgive her smug prissy little “pretty girl” act. Plus, deep down inside, I think she’s a tranny and was interpreting “sex” the same way Bill Clinton did.
Noam Chompsky - He just seems like the worst version of a leftist dick that I can imagine. I probably could hit him if I wanted to. He lives fairly close by and is very old now.
Since someone has already taken Wakefield, I’ll move on to my next choice, Jenny McCarthy. With a basic science textbook.
Piers Morgan. With a half-brick in a sock. For no other reason than his face is crying out for it.
Anthony Weiner with my '65 Ford F-250.
Nancy Grace - I’d like to hit her with a gravel truck, then dump the full load of gravel on her face. If that’s too harsh for this thread, then I’ll opt for shooting her in the face with a bazooka full of gravel.
Nice post and custom title combo. 
Melissa Gilbert with a full wine bottle because I wasted too much time reading her ridiculous memoir in the vain hope it would get better.
Any of these dumb little starlets who drink and drive (Amanda Bynes, Lindsay Lohan etc.). With a bigger wine bottle.
I’m not a violent person so a wine bottle’s a big deal for me. 
Guy Fieri, with a bottle of that hair bleach he uses; or anything to knock those stupid sunglasses off the back of his head.
Arnold Schwartznegger, with Marie Shriver.
Ann Coulter, with the horse she stole her face from.
Dr Travis Stork.
My fist would work.
I hate that smug look on his face.
No matter how nice looking you are, or how much money you have, a jerk is still a jerk.
Ken Ham - with a complete stegosaurus skeleton, dropped from 1000 feet up…
I can’t believe Michelle Malkin hasn’t been named yet.
Michelle Malkin. Fer fuck’s sake.
Fred Phelps. Mack Truck.
This makes me sad. 
I always like reading your posts, and my opinion of you (as a good poster) hasn’t changed, but … Chomsky? What would you hit him with?
If you must, hit him, very gently, with a copy of Transformational Grammar. He’ll probably laugh and say he deserves it. 
I would like to smack Geert Wilders with a angry burning midget.
Scarlett Johannsen - I’d definitely hit that. Aw yeah.
Get in line. This very, very, *very *long line. Oh so many people with oh so many reasons…