My SO, my son and I will be attending my SO’s sister’s wedding next weekend in Houston. The wedding will be a slightly tense situation, as his mother doesn’t exactly approve of me and I will be meeting his father for the first time. So, it’s important that I look appropriate – but I don’t want to not look and feel like, well, me. I’m not going to wear a pink skirted suit because it simply wouldn’t be me.
Anyway, I’ve picked out a dress that I think is pretty, is my style, and not revealing. (You can see it here.) Problem is this: when I’m dressing for an occasion, I never plan on wearing hosiery. I loathe wearing pantyhose, stockings, whatever, as I find them hot and uncomfortable. However, it occurred to me today that many people (older women in particular) think that only children and whores (for lack of a more delicate term) go bare-legged with a dress. I certainly don’t want to be inappropriate or draw any attention to myself, but I’m olive-complected (see here – I’m the one on the left), and unless my legs are inspected I don’t think it’s very noticeable that I’m not wearing the typical suntan-toned pantyhose.
So, is it that important that I wear stockings? Will people notice or care if I don’t? If I must, then I can’t wear open-toed shoes, which is normally my preference (I certainly wouldn’t wear any of those horrible new open-toed pantyhose abominations they’ve recently rolled out), but it’s not the end of the world. Truth be told, I’m mostly looking for people to say, “Pantyhose be damned! Find some really cute open-toed red shoes to wear and go bare, baby!” – but part of me is saying that I could be out of step on this one. Opinions, please?
What type of wedding is it? Indoors, outdoors, daytime, evening, large, small etc.? If it’s more formal, I’d suggest wearing sheer, black hose, since you won’t have to try to match them to your complection.
It depends of what’s most important to you – being completely yourself or making a nice impression on someone who is important to your SO and who already may not like you.
You and the dress are dazzling! I can’t imagine not wearing hose with it myself. And it is the Southland…
I’m 59 and Southern and I wouldn’t be picky about it if it were my child’s SO.
Hmmm…I guess it’s a question of “no hose” or “no hoes.”
I say stuff 'em and don’t give a damn! If she’s petty enough to let that make a difference in her opinion of you, then she’s not worth it anyway.
Wear the hose. They may be uncomfortable, but not as much as wondering whether or not your SO’s mom notices and will be saying to her husband behind your back, “That hussy didn’t even have the grace to dress appropriately to a wedding.”
Not that I think you’re a hussy, or that you need hose for validation, but you don’t want to give this woman any excuses.
I think it’s a great dress and would look great with black strappy sandals. I don’t think it would look right with nylons. But I have no idea what old, conservative people think.
If you must wear nylons, try the ultra sheer Donna Karens. They’re kind of expensive, but you can barely tell they’re there.
So that’s…4 for no hose and 1 for hose (thanks for the compliment, Zoe!) Chula, I don’t think it would look right with nylons either. It’s kind of sheer at the bottom so another layer of black sheer seems wrong to me.
Posted too soon. Heloise, that’s exactly my thought process. Thing is, I’m not the one that would have to deal with the fallout - my SO is. I barely see/talk to her and she’s always very cordial to me. He’s the one that’ll hear about it in e-mails and phone calls forever. I’d hate to put him through that for such a small thing.
I’m a guy so I guess I really don’t have a grasp of these issues, but why would anyone care either way? I don’t think anything of it if someone does or doesn’t wear pantyhose.
Maybe it’s just because I’m from California, but I’ve never heard in my life that it is inappropriate not to wear hose, expecially with a longer dress like that. I’d have gone to that wedding without hose and not thought twice about it. Heck, I don’t even own a pair non-fishnet pantyhose.
Have you asked your SO about it? He may have some insight as to what his mother considers formal dress.
You can get “toeless pantyhose” that look fine with sandals. They’re very sheer and lightweight, and they might be a happy medium between itchy hot stockings and bare legs.
If this woman dislikes you, won’t she just find something else to complain about if your clothing passes muster? She sounds like the type who will always be able to find something wrong–either you didn’t speak to her enough, or too little, or chewed with your mouth open or ate too much, or a million other petty things.
My advice would be to wear the gorgeous dress with open-toed shoes and skip the panthhose, enjoy yourself and be charming, and let his mother think what she thinks. Sometimes if you give up trying to please people like this, they recognize it and look for another victim. Even if she doesn’t, you won’t be beating your head against that particular brick wall.
even sven, I talked to him about it and he has no idea. It now occurs to me that I attended a seder with his family a couple of years ago (minus his father, as they’re divorced) and wore open-toed shoes with no hose and she didn’t say anything about it.
Nightingale, do you mean toeless pantyhose like these? If so, no offense, but those things freak me out. I’m not dead-set on wearing open-toed shoes, so if I wear hose I’ll just get closed-toe shoes (the webbed-toe look with even “sandalfoot” hose makes me crazy).
Intaglio, you’re right, and if I wear anything it will be thigh-highs – no stupid waistband rolling down or anything!
Brynda, in his mom’s defense (that sounds weird) it’s not that she doesn’t like me exactly…she mainly disapproves of some choices I’ve made, resulting in my being a less-than-ideal match for her son. She might take a lack of pantyhose as further evidence of my low breeding. I don’t lose sleep over it because, as I’ve said, I don’t interact with her much, but I’d like to spare my SO her crap if it’s possible. Poor boy’s always having to stick up for me, so why give her more ammunition, spurious as it may be? On the other hand, it really is a minor personal preference, so if she makes a big deal out of it, it’s her shortcoming, not mine.
Thank you, everyone, for your responses (and compliments on the dress…nice to have your fashion sense affirmed)!
Not always, but a lot.
