I was with you until here. 
I have wide shoulders for my size, so cap sleeves tend to make them look wider, which looks weird on my otherwise small frame.
I’m all about the empire tops and low rise jeans though.
And oh my God those croc sandals are giving me the vapors.
Aviator eyeglasses? Like these? Are you sure? I haven’t seen anyone, old or young, wearing those around here.
Baby, don’t be like that. We can still stare in bafflement together at the people whose clothes don’t fit.
xkit0katx, thank you for alerting me to this new enemy. I swear to god, one of these days I’m going out with a tazer and several hundred pairs of simple black ballet flats, and I’m going after all the croc and bedazzled mesh slipper wearers in the greater Boston area.
Hmm. Never thought the idea of a moist vagina could turn me off.
My bad, thought you meant sunglasses. I don’t think the glasses you’re talking about are called aviators, though. Pilots traditionally need good vision :).
I understand that there are all sorts of correctable vision guidelines and options for people with less than perfect vision now. If you can read this, you’re cleared to fly. Don’t let me discourage you.
What will you do to me in my simple, black CROC ballet flats? I was all set to to hate Crocs, but they are comfortable beyond any other shoes I’ve ever worn by a serious order of magnitude. That includes expensive running shoes, Danskos, and Easy Spirit. Obviously they’re not for the office, but don’t hate Crocs just because they’re ugly on the outside until you’ve given the beauty on the inside a chance. I do agree the red high-heeled ones that are trying to look sexy are ridiculous, though.
Harriet the Spry, I’ve seen those, and you won’t get tazed. Those just look like ballet flats. I suspect some of the other colors would be more obviously croc-material at a distance, but the black aren’t, and if I have to get close to you to tell that you’re wearing crocs, then they’ve ceased to be offensive.
We have lengthy threads on the topic of men’s shorts at least once a year. I post in all of them and rue the day when we lost the right to wear actual shorts. I believe that for many of us, whatever people considered acceptable when we were around HS and college age, remains acceptable for us all our lives. We may recognize that a style of clothing has passed out of fashion, but it will never shock us. For some of us who passed through those stages of life in the 1970s, when dude short shorts were fashionable, they still seem normal to us as unfashionable as they were. After all, the girls’ shorts were at least an inch shorter–how could you possibly confuse the two? Night and day. 
Anyway, when you come to think of it, the 1970s were an aberration in this regard as in so many others. Shorts, generally, on guys have not been acceptable since the age of tunics and sandals ended. Most male heroic archetypes of fiction wear some sort of outfit, often a uniform, that covers most or all of the body. Wyatt Earp didn’t wear shorts. CEOs closing mega-deals don’t wear shorts (except in Hollywood, maybe). George Washington and the Duke of Wellington didn’t wear shorts. You get the idea. Men’s clothes are a sort of psychic armor.
But even so: through much of the 20th century, guys got a pass for certain special situations, namely involving beach or water recreation on one hand, and sports and exercise on the other. Trunks and workout clothes were skimpy because you weren’t there to look good as much as you were to keep physically cool and be comfortable. What makes today’s situation unique is that the exceptions no longer exist to the extent that they once did.
Denim skirts, as a fashion statement distinct from skirts generally. To me they’re just the ultimate meh, the female equivalent of males’ Dockers in some bland shade of beige. When I see a woman wearing a denim skirt, I almost always think she’d look better in jeans.
Of course she I would look better in jeans, but then you couldn’t see her my new beautiful sexy suede boots!
What if she has really nice legs? I think I pretty much always look better in a skirt–but I don’t really like denim skirts.
The bane of my existence is the velour track suit: http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2007/02_02/4coleenDM210207_468x816.jpg
Seriously, it looks stupid. They were all the rage in my college, though, for some stupid reason.
Bonus horrid-points if they have a word on the ass. Just stop. No one needs to know how “JUICY” you are; in fact I’d rather not have that information.
There is usually some muffin-top involved as well.
You do have a point about the legs.
Especially the ones that were made from old jeans.
Well, it’s not necessarily a warmth thing, but a modesty thing. Like, right now, for instance: I’m wearing a tube top dress (black, if you must know) and a gray shrug. Why? Because I’m a Catholic school teacher part of the day and I can’t go romping around campus with my shoulders out like some hussy!
But seriously, it’s that and some of my shirts are either a little too tight or too low to be totally appropriate, so shrugs are a nice way to make outfits more work appropriate. Why not just buy outfits with sleeves? Because I like how this dress fits, damnit! Why not wear a regular cardigan? I will when I find one that doesn’t make me look like a dumpy librarian with too many cats.
Word. And as for “why not wear a regular cardigan?” You can, and it’s a separate look! That’s why I love pieces that are designed to be layered. You expand your wardrobe so much by having pieces you can mix and match. A black tube dress will look one way with a grey shrug and another way with a pink cardigan and yet another way with… I dunno, a fitted blazer, or a denim jacket, or whatever.
Even so, it’s definitely true for me that small articles of clothing can have a big impact on how warm you feel generally. For instance, just wearing a hat in addition to my usual clothes will almost always make me feel too warm, all over. I think the down vests that somebody mentioned looked horrible, but I can understand why some people found them comfortable.
Especially if it was her boyfriend’s old jeans!.
Thanks so much for mentioning my ridiculous little poem! It’s extra cool to see it up on the Straight Dope forums, since I’ve been absorbing Cecil’s and alt.fan.straight-dope’s (remember Usenets? Ahh…) since I was a kid.
And yes, I really do watch reruns of Magnum PI for the man-candy. 
Not an attractive fashion statement, no, but damn I love my leg warmers. They make a huge difference when it’s cold. (Generally I have jeans on and nobody can see that I’m wearing them, which is a plus.)
