Fat & Happy in Suburbia, or How I Learned to be Self-Absorbed and Tune out the World

In My Humble Opinion
1

I live in suburbia, aka Upper-Middle Classville, USA, but sometimes feel as though I’m playing my life out on The Truman Show.

When not working, the men in my neighborhood are fixated on gadgets (Bluetooth, TiVo, wireless networks), their jumbotron TVs, microbrews and sports. The women, half of whom have no outside job, completely sync with their kids’s extracurricular lives and take turns buying the newest SUV, living room suite, or showing off their newest baubble. Most are Republican, but not all.

For the life of me, I’ve never heard one of the women talk about the world at large. It’s like the world ends somewhere beyond the shopping mall. Pollution or population growth? Never been discussed in the 8 years I’ve lived here. The deficit, Darfur, globalism or the Third World debt crisis? Nope. Immigration, literacy, health care, or outsourcing? Nada. Ditto the general arc of America’s urban centers, rising anti-Americanism in Europe/MENA, or global warming.
I’ve also never heard anyone discuss anything that might be considered classic literature, opera, classical music, and certainly not theater.

Conservation doesn’t even appear on the Suburban radar screen–certainly not ours. All that matters is that people can fill their SUVs with gas so they can drive to the Outback.

My point is this: These are good, decent people, but they have simply tuned out the world at large–tuned out the pressing issues. It’s like they feel absolutely no connection with humanity, with the world at large. Fellow humans sick, poor and starving? Tough. I’ve got mine, jack. There seems to be no awareness or at least no interest in discussing any of these issues–and I think our community is no different from hundreds across the U.S. Ultimately, maybe they’ve long ago resolved that they cannot affect change beyond their own little worlds and have simply stopped caring. But what bugs me is that these issues and interests are never discussed–and I talk to these people frequently. I have broached a few of these topics, and people just have no interest in discussing.

Call it (and me) what you wish, but this behavior strikes me as really self-absorbed. Anyone relate to this–at all?

2

Relate to it? No.

Do I observe it where I live? Quite frequently.

3

Did you just come to this conclusion? I’ve been experiencing this mental disconnect all my life. Welcome to the club.

4

To say the least, the SDMB members are not the normal population. I know very well what you’re talking about, and it seems to be part of suburbia, and (someone is going to hit me for this) women more than men. [This is not an insult!!] Women seem to concentrate more than men on their primary relationships and nesting in the home. I’ve never heard a man calling all his buddies over to look at the new living room furniture and talk about all its possibilities for half an hour.

So, that’s just life.

Although, the “Know-nuttin” types are never going to date ME. Actually, one of my problems in dating is that finding a Christian woman with education, a wide view of the world, and opinions backed up by actual facts is pretty hard to find.

5

This has been going on since forever. I have to tell you in all honesty, I’ve been alive for 46 years and I have never once heard anyone I know discuss politics, religion, art, literature, the theatre, conservation or any other relevant issue. Not a single person in my family, extended family, or in anyone’s home where I have ever been seemed to give a flying fuck about anything that didn’t concern themselves.

That’s why I appreciate the SDMB. There are people here who don’t fit the stereotype, and I am glad to be able to avail myself of someone else’s point of view who actually has one.

6

I do, however, have some lovely beachfront property in Kansas you might be interested in. Or a nice bridge. :wink:

7

No, I can’t relate, and no, I don’t know people like that.

I did grow up in an area like you described, though (western KY).

8

Wouldn’t it be fair to say that such attitudes are the norm, and probably have been throughout history?

After all, what benefit do you accrue by thinking about things which are completely beyond your own control (or appear to be), unless you just happen to find them interesting to think about?

Take me, for example. I used to worry about politics and such, until I realized that my opinions are completely and utterly irrelevant, and had no bearing on the things I needed to do in order to secure a comfortable life for myself. I was upsetting myself and alienating people around me for no useful purpose.

Now, if such things INTEREST you, there’s no reason you shouldn’t think about them, but unless you hold a position of considerable power, all you’re doing is entertaining yourself. You just happen to be the odd one out because you get your stimulation from worrying about dwindling natural resources instead of what Paige Davis was wearing on the latest “Trading Spaces”.

Are you smarter / more mature than your neighbors? Probably.
Would they enjoy their lives more if they emulated you? Probably not.

9

I think most people who frequent the SDMB would be averse to this - or it’s the board equivalent of spending 100% of one’s time in MPSIMS. (Maybe I’m insulting some people here… sorry.)

But I work with several people like this, and I had a roommate, Shirley, who didn’t have a clue about any damn thing apart from her own immediate circle of friends and family. No curiosity either. “Shirleyworld”, I called it.

I can’t relate to it, and I find it irritating, but it’s not really our place to force the harsh realities of the world onto such people.

10

Fantastic subject for discussion. I think the OP not only hits the nail on the head, he practically drives it through the board. A few random comments off the top of my pointy head:

I don’t, think the attitudes described are something unique to US suburbia, or even the US. IMO, this unimaginative and somewhat decadent manner of living is the default when most of the pressures of mere survival have been removed. People will tend to opt for pure pleasure rather than intellectual or physical challenge when given the choice. Hell, the ability many of have to spend large amounts of time posting to this board is perfect symbol of the relative ease and indolence available to us.

OTOH, I’m acquainted with a number of people who live in one of Houston’s fairer suburbs who have every single material good deemed essential to their current lives, and many that are not, yet suffer internally over the hollowness of their lives. The most common reactions to overcome the stultifying boredom of day-to-day life seem to be obtain the artificial hunting/gathering experience represented by shopping, to spend endless hours reworking one’s habitation, and to silence one’s mind as much as possible with alcohol or sexual stimulation.

And of course they’re mostly Republican. Their entire lives are built around a consensus minimum set of material goods, abeit one that grows from year to year, and around the protection and maintenance of those goods. Despite what may be a nagging and permanent feeling of unhappiness, they desire no substantive changes except for their already highly safe lives to be just a bit safer, with perhaps just that bit more wealth that allows them just that bit more pleasure.

As to why they don’t use some of that leisure and shopping time to pay more attention to intellectual stimulation and the troubles of the outside world, I haven’t cracked that one. Some do, of course, but as most of us know there remains a strong tendency in the US not just to not respect intellectuallism or compassion for strangers, but to actively resent these qualities, as shown by the fact that referring to someone as an “egghead” or “bleeding heart” is usually considered a major insult.

I could go on for hours on this subject but I’ll shut up for the time being.

11

This is a weird question. I don’t like people like that so it’s probably why I don’t know very many people like that. Generally, I don’t even feel confident that these people exist, or whether it’s some ignorant stereotype I’ve come up with to rationalize my misanthropy whenever I go to the mall.

12

While I don’t doubt that some (or even most) of the people you see really don’t think all that often about the world outside their lives, I’d like to insert a little caution against assuming that people aren’t thinking about something just because they don’t talk about it.

For instance: I spend a lot of my time listening to/reading the news and paying attention to other people’s opinions on politics and world affairs, but it is extremely rare for me to say boo about any of these topics because I’ve found the divisiveness of argument and discussion–even among friends who share most of my views–isn’t worth whatever benefit might exist.

The same goes for a lot of art in whatever medium, although I’m more willing to open discussion in those areas.

In short: some people just don’t get their jollies in active discussion of hot issues, even though they may be carefully considering them in their heads, and for all intents and purposes it may be pretty near impossible for you to tell the difference between someone like this and a person who’s truly got his or her head in the sand unless you’re watching what they do 24/7.

13

You know, I shake my head at the people who never talk about anything but their new car or addition to their house (parents, I’m talking about you) or whatever - but then I think, maybe they just don’t talk about it. I know my mom has deeply held political opinions, she votes in every election (Democrat, even), but she just dosen’t talk about it. (Partially because they’re a house divided, I guess.) She says it’s rude to discuss politics or religion over the dinner table. but she dosen’t really discuss them anywhere else either - it’s just not something she talks about.

I think maybe a lot of people are that way - goodness knows I don’t talk to strangers about politics here, for the same reason that I don’t stick my hand into dark caves in the woods either. You never know what’s in there, but you probably don’t want to pet it.

14

You know, I read the thread carefully and with interest and I still managed to miss the post right above mine and duplicate it exact.

Sorry about that, pasunejen.

15

That scares the everlovin’ shit out of me.

I mean, my parents were suburban and reasonably well-off (doctor and journalist).

But maybe it was the doctor-and-journalist part, or maybe because they had been hippies when they were younger, or maybe it was because they had both worked in Aboriginal communities, or maybe it was having lived in so many places in Canada, but we always knew what was going on in the world, and we always saw ourselves as reasonably cultured people.

They took me to my first protest at 10 and my first opera at 11. They restricted the amount of television I could watch, although CBC Radio was always on; and although we had pretty good furniture/electronics etc, I don’t recall either of them showing our possessions off to people, which frankly they would have regarded as extremely vulgar, or discussing them except when they wanted to repair or replace them.

16

Sure they are. Do you think people here are something special? It is the height of arrogance that people on this board think that they are somehow more in tuned to the rest of the world than…well… the rest of the world. I asked a general question about people’s backgrounds a few months ago…you know, to see what the rationale was for thinking that the SDMB was any better than the world at large. Other than the flippant joke responses, you know what the vast majority was? Regular people, regular educational backgrounds, regular jobs.

Sorry. This is not some kind of hyper-educated think tank and the US beyond the SDMB is not a sea of imbeciles.

Carnac, I’m not sure how old you are, but I suspect not that old. What typically happens is that people sometimes seem more involved in world politics or activism or whatever when they are younger. They have a lot more free time on their hands, they have parents taking care of them financially so they get involved with stuff. Or they learn something in Poly-sci class and they spend the afternoon discussing it with some of their peers in a coffee shop off campus somewhere.

As you get older, most of those big issues take a back seat to more immediate issues like going to work or raising the kids. I know, not as important as the environment, but the baby still needs changing and outsourcing or no, the boss still needs me at work early today.

The other thing, which I think Zsofia nailed, is that people just don’t WANT to discuss it. Why the fuck do I want to get into it with someone about the war in Iraq? I can’t change it. It’s not me making foreign policy. It’s pretty heavy stuff for just shooting the shit with my friends. Yeah, you could be like Lisa Simpson, always throwing current issues in people’s face. You can also be friendless like her.
El_Kabong - It’s not just a Republican thing (although from your perspective in Texas, it probably seems that way). People in the “Blue States” up here in the Northeast are exactly the same. Liberals and Conservatives alike. Everyone basically tries to add some meaning or purpose to their lives. Some people do it with financial success and collecting houses full of crap. Others do it with religeon or by getting involved in causes so big they have no hope of ever making the slightest impact. And others still just pursue lives of hedonistic pleasure - drugs, alchohol and sex. The end result is always the same.

17

I think this is the problem. It’s easy to be insular when it seems the world is falling apart. No one wants to think of Sept. 11 or angry Muslims or losing their job or running out of oil, so they lose themselves in the petty details of their lives and long for a return to what they imagine the 1950s were like. I think Sept. 11 shocked a lot of people out of their comfort zone and they’re scrambling to get back into it.

18

What pasunejen, Zsofia and msmith537 said. I read extensively, vote consistently and donate money to political causes. I do not, however, talk about politics in public. In fact, my neighbours would be amongst the last people I’d discuss contentious matters with. (Why? Because I couldn’t easily cut them out of my life if we vehemently disagreed on an issue.) That doesn’t make me uninterested in what really matters, just someone who’d rather make a difference where I can and keep my mouth shut where there’s only people to alienate.

19

No. The urbanites and rural folk I’ve known are just as self-absorbed. You’re just imposing your prejudice on those around you.

20

ditto Jervoise. I live and love in Suburbia, USA. I’m perfectly happy to not discuss politics, art, or religion with my casual friends. My husband is currently serving in Afghanistan and I have very well-read, strong political views but it’s not like I’m going to discuss them across the back fence.

Please don’t underestimate us and think that we’re all a bunch of milk-toast, SUV-driving, lawn mowing, ignorant Americans.

While it may not have been intended as such, the OP sounds very arrogant.