Fat Lady on a Little Plane

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

This was going to go in the Pit, but it ended up working out not-half-bad. I’m a pretty big dude, about 5’11, 230. As such, I always opt for the aisle seats when given an option. I flew to Dallas this weekend, and was assigned an aisle seat for each of the four legs. When I boarded the plane in Denver on the return flight, my seat was taken. The one in front of it was free, and I was one of the last people to board, so I sat down. Well, turns out I had taken the seat of the last guy who got on the plane, and he didn’t have anywhere to sit.

The flight attendant came over to see why we were standing in the aisle, and asked where I was supposed to be sitting. “In that seat.” I pointed. So he asked the gal sitting there where she was supposed to be sitting. The kid in that seat pointed to the window seat. It wasn’t then until I saw the gal sitting in it. She was massive. I don’t have much of a neck, but I play rugby, so I have an excuse. The fat from her face touched her chest and her shoulders. It was gross, and she was kind of oozing into the kid’s seat next to her.

It was actually pretty comical watching the flight attendants jaw drop as he realized that relocating her into her actual seat (which was in the middle row on the other side of the plane) would be a pain in the ass for everybody involved. He asked me politely if I would take the middle seat, and so I did.

As soon as I sat down, I smelled baby throw up. There was a really cute little girl sitting on her mom’s lap. She was standing but not talking, so I’d guess around 12 months or so. The guy sitting next to me near the aisle asked if I was a prop. “Huh?” I forgot I had a rugby t-shirt on, but any rugby player who saw me in a rugby shirt would either ask or assume I was a prop. The little girl was so cute, she made me laugh almost the whole plane ride. For the other 3 legs, I just zoned out and listened to my iPod, but I remembered I had Baby Einstein on it, so I let her listen to it for a while. I think she liked playing with the headphones more, though. Right before we landed, she pooed her diaper, but even that was super cute!

So, thank you, Fat Lady, for taking somebody else’s seat so you could sit next to a window, allowing me to sit next to a cute little girl and play peekaboo while the plane was deicing. It was way cooler than having an aisle seat and listening to music.

2

Well, this should go well…

3

I can’t believe this.

It took four flights to go from Santa Fe to Dallas? :eek:

4

Two there and two back. And I had to drive to Albuquerque. :stuck_out_tongue:

I could have bought tickets direct, but the ones I used were free, so I wasn’t complaining (very much).

5

What does it mean to be a prop in the world of rugby?

6

In the front row of the scrum, the hooker uses feet to hook the ball behind him to his teammates. The props support his weight, propping him up. Props are usually the two biggest guys with the shortest necks. Two locks, well, lock their legs to support a drive, while the flankers flank the outside of the pack. The locks are usually the tallest guys, while the flankers are usually the best tacklers. The eighth man in the scrum (two each props, locks, and flanker, plus the hooker) is known as the eight man. They weren’t very original when they named the positions, I guess.

7

Traveler’s in Arms.

I feel your pain bro. I had to sit next to a morbidly obese man a few flights back, who took up his seat, the space between the gap between the seat and window, and nearly half of my seat. The worst part was falling asleep, and waking up (to my horror) with his sweaty arm fat against my neck. I just love leaning at an akward angle for 4 hours, thank you.

BTW, that was in first class.

8

Minor nitpick. It would be the front row of the forward pack.

9

Maybe she needs a coffee enema?

10

Maybe the fat lady wasn’t too keen on sitting next a quadriped.

Did you ever think of that, smart guy?

11

Sounds like a porn flick. :stuck_out_tongue:

12

Umm, you got to see me running the other way at school on the rugby pitch :o

13

There’s a Bugs Bunny joke in here somewhere…

14

Nowadays, unless you ask, the stewardess will only give you half an enema.

15

I got to sit next to a really cute little girl once; she immediately crawled into my lap, handed me a book and told me to read it to her, which I did. Later, I told her I was afraid to fly and asked if she would hold my hand while we took off. She agreed and when we were at cruising altitude, her teen aged mother asked if I were really afraid to fly. I sort of shrugged; she looked me over and said, “Well, I guess when you get old, you value your life more.” I was thirty at the time. Damn kids anyway.

16

Ouch! My sympathies.

17

Yes, and it needs Pismo Beach worked in somewhere as well. :slight_smile:

18

And possibly Walla Walla, Washington.

19

Some years ago (mid '90s), I was driving up the PCH. There, before my eyes, there is a sign for Pismo Beach. “It’s REAL?” I started laughing like crazy. Then I went ahead and went to check it out just because.

I’d always thought it was a made-up place with a funny name!

I can’t imagine it’s much fun for the really obese people to be crammed into those seats, any more than it’s fun for the rest of us to have to sit with them. I wish more of them would just admit to themselves that they really need to get two seats. I know Southwest has in the past required people to buy a second seat, but I don’t know if they still do it. They got a lot of shit for it, but there is a point where you’ve got to give in. Look, I don’t care if you’re really huge, but I don’t want to share my skimpy-for-skinny-folks seat with you either. I’m not big on cuddling with strangers, period.

20

Yeah, but if they can get away with it they will, inconvenience to themselves and others notwithstanding. Shit, plane tickets are enough as it is, and then to need to double that price?