My first grandchild was born 17 days ago. He was very very early, having existed only 25 weeks in the womb. I wondered how my son would do with such a teeny tiny little one that looked as much like an alien as he did a person. But he was the first of us (mom, dad and 3 grandparents on hand) to bond with his son. Mom followed soon thereafter, and the two of them are doing great in the face of so much fear and uncertainty. They have amazed me and made me so proud of the both of them.
I was lucky to have two perfect and healthy full-term newborns myself. I’m not at all sure I’d have adapted to their situation with anywhere near the grace and success that they have demonstrated.
I was so miserable when she was finally born after pushing for 3 solid hours!. I wanted nothing to do with her for the first day. I didn’t want to see her, or hold her. It passed on day 2.
I understand that for their firstborn, my brother turned into a puddle of goo as soon as the baby took his thumb in his tiny, tiny hand and looked at it. My sister in law had some PPD, plus control issues (she was mad that she was having a boy when she’d wanted a girl), it took her longer.
For their second, Bro was already a puddle of goo beforehand, the firstborn was so proud that he was now an Older Brother he was about bursting at the seams (but still mentioned a few days later “I hadn’t realized she’d be so… doing nothing for such a long time!”), and my sister in law had a much easier time.
I regret that the strong bond I felt within hours, and lasted for years, is quickly slipping away through mutual antagonism between me and my kid. Goddamn teenagers. Goddamn old people.
I’ll be the representative of the other side, I guess.
I went into the hospital nervous of my ability to stand up and publicly be seen as a daddy. The thought of, say, walking down the street holding a little girl’s hand so that everyone could see that she was my kid made me feel sort of weird.
But when I held her for the first time, man, she was MINE, and I felt this urge to make damned sure that everyone KNEW she was mine. For me, it was an instant, powerful, unbreakable bond. I retained enough of my science brain to find it slightly bizarre, and wish that someone was taking blood samples to see what hormones were surging. She instantly became the center of my life.
That’s a tough period for anyone to have to deal with. They will return to being normal people again though and your bond can continue with its regular schedule. Have patience… and faith.
We’ve got two teenagers; they can drive you up the wall. They bond with my wife over movies, with me over baseball. It makes me a little sad that this is the last baseball season I’ll be able to experience April to October with our oldest.
Understand what you mean. I loved each of our three children as soon as they were born but in a kinda fragile remote way. My wife bonded very quickly but breast feeding does that lol.
I do remember the specific moment when I bonded with our first child (daughter). She was ten months old, crawling on her bedroom floor at 6am when she picked up a Misty (cat) book and held it out to me. My heart melted.
We have been especially close ever since and she is now 21yrs.
As a man, I was a bit shocked when my first son was born.
Doctor used forceps to get him out , and he came out as a bloody scary dark blue … corpse ??? … no oh its a perfect baby !
Scared me !
Well you also think “this little fragile thing is too small for my arms”.
And better mum gets to hold for most of the time, so that baby is comfortable with mum so as to start breast feeding… if baby is away too much, then it could be confused… “But I like Aunty Margaret !” says baby…
I’m unusual in that I like the way they look when they’re newborn. As an LPN trainee, I got to work in newborn nursery and it was my favorite rotation. Holding the babies was part of our task assignments
Lovely experiences everyone. Mine is different. I have no biological children. I do have a sort of stepdaughter who spent weeks and fortnights at a time with us when she was small. So I always liked her and it didn’t take long before I loved her but when the oomph happened it took me by surprise. She had woken up feeling ill so I had to do stuff instead of her coming downstairs and having her cereal on my lap in front of the telly, while I slowly came out of my morning grump state. It was when I was halfway up the stairs carrying the bottle of Calpol that it hit me just how much I bloody loved that kid!
My husband was happy, but a bit confused. I don’t think he and our eldest really ‘clicked’ until he had to care for him alone for a little while – about 2-3 days after we brought him home. I had gone to my doctor’s appointment, was gone about 2 hours. When I came home, you could see a whole new dynamic between husband and baby.
My eldest son, on the other hand, who recently became a parent, was a fully-engaged dad from the moment the first ultrasound came back. He told me he had dreamed of being a dad to a son since he was 8 years old. I guess that many years of preparation makes the lag time much less. lol
I do wonder how he would have done with a girl baby, though. He says he isn’t interested in having a daughter. :S
I don’t think there’s any one “normal” reaction to seeing a new baby for the first time, for mothers or fathers.
I met my (adopted) son two hours after his birth, and I bonded immediately. But not everybody does, and it’s silly to feel guilty if you aren’t in love with the little creature instantly.
